Originally posted by coolone
BastarD 721
FrankHolland 661
So who is going to go to sleep first
BastarD 721
FrankHolland 661
So who is going to go to sleep first
Nobody from this list
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Nobody from this list
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Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
A: A perfect setup for skeet shooting.Comment
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There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went along to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, ?Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail.?
The Snail was okay with this is so he entered the race. The race started and the snail's car was at the back...but suddenly he sped to the front, over-taking all the cars and won!!
As the spectators saw the Snail speed past them, they yelled ?WOW! LOOK AT THAT S-CAR GO!?Comment
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One sportsman goes up to a non-athletic man and says, "If you aren't into sports, then you are gay."
The non-athletic man responds, "Okay, riddle me this, riddle me that, if you're into sports, then you are into slapping each others asses?"Comment
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A man with a pegleg, hook hand and...
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.Comment
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Ron Hextal, the Flyer's goalie, was so upset about losing the Stanley Cup that he decided to commit suicide, so he jumped out in front of a bus.
It went through his legs.Comment
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On the first day of school, a teacher asked her class, "Who here is a Mets fan?"
Every student knew that she loved the Mets, so they replied bye raising their hands, except for one girl, Rosie.
The teacher asked, "Who do you like, little girl?" Rosie replied, "I'm a Yankees fan and I hate the Mets."
The teacher asked why and Rosie told her that her parents were Yankees fans, so she was too. The teacher said to the class, "So if Rosie's parents were idiots, what would that make her?"
Rosie chimed in, "A Mets fan!!!"Comment
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Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!''
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''Comment
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Too lazy to set a custom titleComment
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A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."Comment
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The Poopie List
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you pooped it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear, so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie- This happens when you're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind were you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassy Poopie- It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poopie- Self explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie-Poopie- The kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet & fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie- (The power dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get spalshed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Dog Poopie- It smells so bad your nose burns.
Upper Class Poopie- The kind of poopie that doesen't smell.
The Suprise Poopie- You are not even at the toilet because you are sure your about to fart, but OOPS!- a poopie!
The Dangling Poopie- This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopieing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.Comment
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What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl?
The Dallas CowboysComment
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The Teacher's Gift
It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.
The teacher said, I'll bet these are flowers!? The girl replied, ?How did you know?"
?Just a lucky guess,? she said.
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, ?Just a lucky guess.'?
Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, ?No.? She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne. The boy again said no.
Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.
He said happily, ?A puppy!?Comment
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BastarD 735
FrankHolland 678
pornpf69 113
spunky 75
coolone 56
tranza 45
Trent Edison 44
Doctor Dre 18
HKS 18
Scott McD 16
traffic addict 12
Thrawn$ 10
fantasycall 5
fatsky 5
JamesK 4
dj pussy 4
BlingDaddy 3
Screaming 3
adamneve 3
banderas 3
moneymaker_ro 2
nofx 2
Manowar 2
ProfitPrograms 1
pood 1
Fatalspeed 1
irishfury 1
Kevsh 1
Thumbler 1
mastermikex 1
martyVP 1
Vitasoy 1
beemk 1Comment
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Tee Shot
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"Comment
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The Toothbrush And The Toilet Paper
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.'' Then the toilet paper comes and replies sarcasticly, ''Yeah right.'' 'Comment
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How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.Comment
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The Vampire
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said 'TEA TIME!'Comment
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One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."Comment
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Things Just Fallin' Off
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.Comment
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On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."
And it was good.
Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."
With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.
God said, "Let it be called, 'The Dallas Cowboys' - America's team."
Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need assholes."
So he made their fans.Comment
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Think About It
What is the difference between a girl in a church and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in the church has a soul full of hope, and the girl in the bathtub...Comment
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Three Drunk Men
These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.
The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''
The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''
The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''
Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"Comment
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Three Gay Men
Three gay men died, and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.''
The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.''
The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time.''Comment
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Three Girls Go Camping
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."Comment
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biaaaaaaaatchhhhhhhh
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Who would win ?
Sub-Zero or Reptile ???
I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!
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Originally posted by FrankHolland
cya later niitttttteeeeee
Cya dude
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Toilet-Bathtub Conversation
What did the Bathtub say to the Toilet Bowl?
I may not get as much ass as you do, but I don't take no shit.Comment
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ScorpionOriginally posted by Scott McD
Who would win ?
Sub-Zero or Reptile ???
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Toothbrush Salesman
A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn''t such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, ?Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That''s not enough?
So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes. So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, ?Look, you''re a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something.?
So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one.
So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says ?Free chips and dip? A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, ?This tastes like shit.?
And the salesman replied, ?Yeah, it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush??Comment
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Originally posted by Scott McD
Who would win ?
Sub-Zero or Reptile ???
Shadow
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Topless Fat Woman
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."Comment
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Trapped Inside a Whale
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run 'round and 'round till you're all pooped out!Comment
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Originally posted by FrankHolland
nite , dont fall asleep on your keyboard
I will think about that
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Travelling Salesman Joke No. 44892
A travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
"Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."
The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand.
"Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed.
"What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman.
"Halftime. Switch sides."Comment
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Possibly...Originally posted by FrankHolland
Scorpion
I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!
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Troubled Man
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her -- but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, ''Don't worry. I got him with the door!''Comment
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Turtle Soup
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"Comment
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