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  • FrankHolland
    Confirmed User
    • Nov 2004
    • 7241
    #1601
    "It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more of my husband."
    --Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981

    "It's a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you're surrounded by reporters and TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and race relations."
    --Vida Blue, 1971

    "I watch a lot of baseball on the radio."
    --Gerald Ford, 1978

    "It's a beautiful day for a night game."
    --Announcer Frankie Frisch

    "The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen."
    --Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981

    "Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win."
    --Announcer Phil Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978

    "They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn."
    --Casey Stengel, 1962

    "I won't play for a penny less than $1500."
    --Honus Wagner, turning down an offer of $2000
    NastyDollars

      Comment

      • BastarD
        Confirmed User
        • Apr 2004
        • 6341
        #1602
        Mustard -- A Tragic Story

        As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce, and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
        ''Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,'' she said.

        I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, ''Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'''

          Comment

          • FrankHolland
            Confirmed User
            • Nov 2004
            • 7241
            #1603
            What were Bill Clinton's Final Four picks?

            Morehead State, Ball State University, Brigham Young University, and Oral Roberts University.
            NastyDollars

              Comment

              • Scott McD
                Too lazy to set a custom title
                • Nov 2002
                • 67792
                #1604


                I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                  Comment

                  • BastarD
                    Confirmed User
                    • Apr 2004
                    • 6341
                    #1605
                    Nailing Osama

                    What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?
                    Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.

                      Comment

                      • FrankHolland
                        Confirmed User
                        • Nov 2004
                        • 7241
                        #1606
                        Cold Day in Hell

                        A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.

                        The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
                        At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

                        The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.

                        At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

                        At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.

                        At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, instead the man was singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton.

                        When the devil asked him why he was so happy, the man answered, "Cold day in hell - the Eagles must have won the Super Bowl!"
                        NastyDollars

                          Comment

                          • BastarD
                            Confirmed User
                            • Apr 2004
                            • 6341
                            #1607
                            Nasty Eskimo

                            A man was walking down the street and saw an Eskimo looking at his car tire.
                            So the man said, ?You blow a seal??
                            And the Eskimo responded ?No. That''s just frost on my mustache.?

                              Comment

                              • FrankHolland
                                Confirmed User
                                • Nov 2004
                                • 7241
                                #1608
                                Confucious say: ''Baseball wrong, man with four balls cannot walk."
                                NastyDollars

                                  Comment

                                  • BastarD
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • Apr 2004
                                    • 6341
                                    #1609
                                    Night Of The Living Dead

                                    An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it's soon time for the healing portion of the show.
                                    "If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!" The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.

                                    "Oh, don't be stupid!" says the old woman. "He said heal, not raise the dead!"

                                      Comment

                                      • FrankHolland
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Nov 2004
                                        • 7241
                                        #1610
                                        The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.

                                        The game of choice for frontline workers is football.

                                        The game of choice for middle management is tennis.

                                        The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.

                                        Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
                                        NastyDollars

                                          Comment

                                          • FrankHolland
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Nov 2004
                                            • 7241
                                            #1611
                                            If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?

                                            A bloody big cricket.
                                            NastyDollars

                                              Comment

                                              • BastarD
                                                Confirmed User
                                                • Apr 2004
                                                • 6341
                                                #1612
                                                Nudist Camp

                                                A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it.
                                                A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                    • 7241
                                                    #1613
                                                    Did you know that they are going to change the name of the Dallas Cowboys' Stadium?

                                                    It's going to be called Drug Emporium.
                                                    NastyDollars

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Scott McD
                                                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                        • Nov 2002
                                                        • 67792
                                                        #1614


                                                        I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • BastarD
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                            • 6341
                                                            #1615
                                                            Nurse Nancy

                                                            Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.
                                                            ''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!''

                                                            ''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, ?earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!''

                                                            All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway.

                                                            ''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''

                                                              Comment

                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                • 7241
                                                                #1616
                                                                What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

                                                                One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                    • 7241
                                                                    #1617
                                                                    Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. ''Well, go in the bushes.''

                                                                    ''What should I use to wipe my ass?''

                                                                    ''Use a dollar bill.''

                                                                    A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with shit all over his hands.

                                                                    ''What happened?'' asks his friend.

                                                                    ''I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters.''
                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • Scott McD
                                                                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                        • Nov 2002
                                                                        • 67792
                                                                        #1618


                                                                        I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                                          Comment

                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                            • 6341
                                                                            #1619
                                                                            Obese Michigan Mammas

                                                                            How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
                                                                            Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                #1620
                                                                                Old Lady Shakes

                                                                                An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
                                                                                "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"

                                                                                "Yes, ma'am."

                                                                                "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.

                                                                                "Yes, ma'am."

                                                                                "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.

                                                                                "Yes, ma'am."

                                                                                "How do you turn them off?"

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                    #1621
                                                                                    Originally posted by Scott McD
                                                                                    I'D HIT IT!!
                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                      • Scott McD
                                                                                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                        • Nov 2002
                                                                                        • 67792
                                                                                        #1622
                                                                                        Originally posted by FrankHolland
                                                                                        What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

                                                                                        One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!


                                                                                        I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                                            • 6341
                                                                                            #1623
                                                                                            Stinkin' Proof

                                                                                            One day, an old lady went to the store to get some food for her dog.
                                                                                            When she got to the counter to pay, the cashier said she needed proof that the old lady had a dog because some old people have been known to just eat the animal food themselves. So she went home got her puppy, bought it to the store and purchased the dog food.

                                                                                            One week later, she went to get some cat food. Once again the cashier needed proof that the old lady had a cat. So she went home, got her cat, came back and purchased the cat food.

                                                                                            Two weeks later, the old lady walked in the same market to buy something . She held a bag in front of the cashier and told him to put his fingers in the bag and then smell them. When the cashier did, he said, "It smells like poop!"

                                                                                            The old lady replied, "Can I buy some toilet paper now?"

                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                                #1624
                                                                                                Why did Dennis Rodman get kicked out of the game?

                                                                                                Because his purse didn't match his shoes.
                                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                  • BastarD
                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                    • 6341
                                                                                                    #1625
                                                                                                    Osama = Crabs?

                                                                                                    What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?
                                                                                                    They both irritate Bush.

                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                      • FrankHolland
                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                        • Nov 2004
                                                                                                        • 7241
                                                                                                        #1626
                                                                                                        Q: Why do the Dallas Cowboys now play on dirt?

                                                                                                        A: Because Leon Lett smoked all the grass and sniffed all the lines.
                                                                                                        NastyDollars

                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                                                            • 6341
                                                                                                            #1627
                                                                                                            OSU

                                                                                                            An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.

                                                                                                            Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!"

                                                                                                            Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."

                                                                                                            When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.

                                                                                                            Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"

                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                                                #1628
                                                                                                                Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

                                                                                                                They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.

                                                                                                                Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

                                                                                                                Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three goddamn years I've spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me"
                                                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                  • BastarD
                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                    • 6341
                                                                                                                    #1629
                                                                                                                    Out of T.P.

                                                                                                                    A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, ''He isn't here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.'' By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
                                                                                                                    She says, ''You're sure he isn't here?''
                                                                                                                    The bartender says, ''Yes, I'm very sure.''
                                                                                                                    The lady says, ''Well, I just wanted to tell him there's no toilet paper or soap in the women's restroom.''

                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                      • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                        • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                        • 7241
                                                                                                                        #1630
                                                                                                                        One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

                                                                                                                        The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.

                                                                                                                        This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?"

                                                                                                                        The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
                                                                                                                        NastyDollars

                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                          • BastarD
                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                            • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                            • 6341
                                                                                                                            #1631
                                                                                                                            Painting A Wall

                                                                                                                            How many men does it take to paint a wall?
                                                                                                                            Depends how hard you throw 'em!

                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                              • Scott McD
                                                                                                                                Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                                                • Nov 2002
                                                                                                                                • 67792
                                                                                                                                #1632


                                                                                                                                I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                    #1633
                                                                                                                                    The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other: ''We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks.'' They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other: ''To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end.''

                                                                                                                                    They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was they replied: ''The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.''
                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                                        #1634
                                                                                                                                        Parakeet Cereal

                                                                                                                                        What do you get when you run over a parakeet with a lawnmower?
                                                                                                                                        Shredded tweet!

                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                                                            #1635
                                                                                                                                            He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.
                                                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                                #1636
                                                                                                                                                Paraplegic

                                                                                                                                                There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
                                                                                                                                                "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

                                                                                                                                                "Yes, but are you good in bed?"

                                                                                                                                                "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                                    #1637
                                                                                                                                                    Originally posted by Scott McD
                                                                                                                                                    I'D HIT THAT TOO!!!
                                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                                                        #1638
                                                                                                                                                        Party!

                                                                                                                                                        Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
                                                                                                                                                        Answer: No!

                                                                                                                                                        Response: Wanna go to a party?

                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                                                                            #1639
                                                                                                                                                            Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?
                                                                                                                                                            A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
                                                                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                #1640
                                                                                                                                                                Pee On A Ferrari

                                                                                                                                                                One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
                                                                                                                                                                "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"

                                                                                                                                                                "Because I feel like it."

                                                                                                                                                                "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."

                                                                                                                                                                "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.

                                                                                                                                                                "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"

                                                                                                                                                                "It's easy," says the running man, "when your dick is stuck in the door."

                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                  • Scott McD
                                                                                                                                                                    Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2002
                                                                                                                                                                    • 67792
                                                                                                                                                                    #1641


                                                                                                                                                                    I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                      • martyVP
                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                        • Aug 2004
                                                                                                                                                                        • 1917
                                                                                                                                                                        #1642
                                                                                                                                                                        WOW, hard to compete with.

                                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                                          • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                            • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                            • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                            #1643
                                                                                                                                                                            The England team's training session was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours at Twickenham.

                                                                                                                                                                            One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.

                                                                                                                                                                            Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.

                                                                                                                                                                            After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.
                                                                                                                                                                            NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                                              • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                #1644
                                                                                                                                                                                Hot Revenge

                                                                                                                                                                                Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.
                                                                                                                                                                                A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

                                                                                                                                                                                The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

                                                                                                                                                                                The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

                                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                  • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                    • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                    • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                    #1645
                                                                                                                                                                                    Originally posted by Scott McD
                                                                                                                                                                                    NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                      • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                        • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                        #1646
                                                                                                                                                                                        Pee Up A Rope

                                                                                                                                                                                        Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.
                                                                                                                                                                                        With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.

                                                                                                                                                                                        "Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

                                                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                          • Scott McD
                                                                                                                                                                                            Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                                                                                                            • Nov 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                            • 67792
                                                                                                                                                                                            #1647
                                                                                                                                                                                            I need to pee...


                                                                                                                                                                                            I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

                                                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                              • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                                #1648
                                                                                                                                                                                                An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.

                                                                                                                                                                                                "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

                                                                                                                                                                                                "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

                                                                                                                                                                                                "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
                                                                                                                                                                                                NastyDollars

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                                  • BastarD
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • 6341
                                                                                                                                                                                                    #1649
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Peeing Leprechaun

                                                                                                                                                                                                    A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one evening and began ordering pitchers of beer. After a few pitchers, the leprechaun looked around and saw a very large, mean-looking character sitting at the end of the bar. With a smile, the leprechaun ran to the end of the bar and stood in front of this guy. He laughed hysterically, stuck out his tongue and spit all over the mean-looking fellow. Looking meaner and madder than ever, he reached out to grab the obnoxious little leprechaun, only to miss him as the leprechaun jumped up and ran back to his seat next to his friend.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again or I'll rip off your little tallywagger!'' yelled the mean-looking man.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    The leprechaun snickered and started on another pitcher of beer, while his friend told him he thought it would be better not to harass this guy again. A few pitchers of beer later, the leprechaun was beginning to feel pretty intoxicated and fun-loving. Once again, he looked down at the end of the bar and saw the same mean-looking man sitting there. The leprechaun chuckled, ran to the end of the bar to stand in front of the same man, began laughing hysterically, stuck out his tongue and spit all over him again. The angry man reached out to grab the drunk little leprechaun and was successful in capturing him.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''All right, I've got you this time. I warned you before that if you came near me again I would rip off your little tallywagger and that is what I intend to do!''
                                                                                                                                                                                                    The leprechaun laughed again and said, ''You can't do that!''
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''Why not?'' asked his captor.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''Because,'' giggled the leprechaun, ''Leprechauns don't have tallywaggers!''
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?'' growled the angry man, ''How in the hell do ya pee?''
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ''Just like this!'' laughed the leprechaun as he stuck out his tongue and spit with all his might.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                      • FrankHolland
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Nov 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                        • 7241
                                                                                                                                                                                                        #1650
                                                                                                                                                                                                        What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Quatro sinko.
                                                                                                                                                                                                        NastyDollars

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