What do you call a dwarf eskimo with a hard-on?
A Frigid Midget With A Rigid Digit!
A Frigid Midget With A Rigid Digit!
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There was this hunk at a trade fair, flashing his big muscles and repeating, ?Ten tons of dynamite, ten tons of dynamite,? while eyeing the females around.
One young lady was impressed and, with the intention of giving him a try, entered the tent with him. She was out in a moment saying ?Huh, ten tons of dynamite, with half an inch of fuse??Comment
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Originally posted by BastarD
No da fuck, I will post pics if you will stop posting jokes
I will look for pics about 5 A.M. today, it's nice hour to have some free time I think after posting here
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Q. Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A. He didn't want to have hearing aids.Comment
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God damn you are fast fucker
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aightOriginally posted by BastarD
I will look for pics about 5 A.M. today, it's nice hour to have some free time I think after posting here
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But now it's time for Marlboro Light
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Than I will post some jokes
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.Comment
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There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes.
"Now," he said. "Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room." The woman did.
"Now," he said. "Now craw reery reery fass back to me." The woman did. The Dr. looked at her mournfully and said "I vely solly. Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachery Disease."
"Ed Zachery Disease? What's that?"
"Vewy sad. It's when your face rook Ed Zachery rike your ass."Comment
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Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. in the same day in Arkansas?
It's too hard on the mules.Comment
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."Comment
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What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman?
"Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!"Comment
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When I was young, I had no sense,
Stuck my dick in an electric fence.
It curled my hairs, it tickled my balls,
It made me crap my overalls.Comment
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Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking through a park, when they passed three women, eating bananas.
"Good evening, ladies," said Sherlock. After they passed, Watson asked if he knew those women.
"No, Watson, I didn't know that nun, prostitute, or bride." Baffled, Watson asks how he knew their identities.
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun was eating the banana by breaking it into small pieces. The prostitute was shoving the banana into her mouth. And the bride was holding the banana with one hand and forcing her head down with the other."Comment
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What did the elephant say to the naked man?
''It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?''Comment
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Sorry! The administrator has specified that users can only post one message every 15 seconds.
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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a prostitute?
A: A two-ton pick-up.Comment
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Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because in the animal kingdom six inches just doesn't cut it.Comment
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Elephant Time
A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgets his watch. He searchs for someone who could give him the time.
He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. ''Excuse me sir,'' says the young man ''do you know what time it is?''
The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his balls and starts playing with them.
''Mmmmm, it is about 3:00'' the zoo keeper responds.
The young man looks at him in awe, ''How did you know that?'' The zoo keeper looks back at the man, ''I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you.''Comment
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Holy fuck...Comment
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Q: How do you turn an elephant into a cherry tree?
A: You paint his balls red.
Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.Comment
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What happens when you put the Energizer Bunny batteries in backward?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...Comment
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Just went for a cigarette and you've posted 10 jokesComment
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.?Comment
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hahaOriginally posted by BastarD
Just went for a cigarette and you've posted 10 jokes
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Ok I need to go to toiled (about 6-8 jokes from you)
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Eternal Judgment
Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.
Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them."
Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."
Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."
Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself ? he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.
Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.Comment
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How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They'll never see you coming.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank-you notes to write.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
''How come?''
What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Can you say three two-letter words that denote small?
Is it in?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... Men will screw anything.Comment
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The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.Comment
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just joking........Comment
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A woman walks into a store and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms.
The pharmacist replies, ''Yes, would you like to buy one?''
The woman replies, ''No sir, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?''Comment
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Halloween Ha-Ha-Frickin'-Ha
What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!Comment
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Why do women rub there eys when they getup in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.Comment
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Hamburger Helper
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter Pounder with Cheese.Comment
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Happy Birthdead To You
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
rotflmao what a shit jokeComment
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Having to Take a Whisper
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''Comment
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How does herpes leave the hospital?
How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.Comment
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Hide the Duke
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before the boy shits on you!"Comment
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Hiney Bubbles
What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.Comment
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Honda
A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"Comment
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