Why's the blonde's coffin shaped like a Y?
Cuz every time she hits her back, her legs spread!
Cuz every time she hits her back, her legs spread!
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What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
Between you and me we could make a lot of money!Comment
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What's the difference between a blonde and a brick wall?
A brick wall's only been laid once!Comment
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Q:What does Bob Dole and the Empire State building have in common?
A: They both took 410 days to be erected.Comment
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There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."
''Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."Comment
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see you tranzaComment
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What did the bra say to the hat?
"You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."Comment
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Ok now I'm really goin to have a marlboro lightComment
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A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"Comment
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Buffallo Billy had a ten-foot willy
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
So she whacked it with a rake
And now it's only five foot fourComment
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Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper.Comment
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In a pod of whales, how can you tell which one is gay?
He's the one that tips the boat and sucks out the 'seamen!'Comment
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Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?
A: He bitch-slapped her.Comment
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What do guys and ceramic tiles have in common?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the rest of your life!Comment
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Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
"I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause 7 days a week he's up."
"I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
"Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
"You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and you're talking about a hard liquor."
"Exactly."Comment
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking very frustrated.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"Comment
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Children in the back of the car cause accidents.
Accidents in the back of the car cause children.Comment
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Mama always told me girls are like a box of chocolate covered-cherries: they can either be dark or light on the outside, but they're always pink on the inside.Comment
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Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.Comment
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What did the man say to the toothpaste model after she gave him oral sex?
"WOW! Those are the whitest teeth I've ever come across."Comment
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Two guys are sharing a hospital room.
"What are you in for?"
"I''m getting a circumcision."
"Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn''t walk for a year!"Comment
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Women in Washington D.C. were asked if they would have sex with the President. 86% of those responding said ''Not again.''Comment
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Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, and Clinton screws interns!Comment
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Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman and the other is a chocolate lab!Comment
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Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?
A: You have to wipe the Whitewater off your dress...Comment
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Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: Don't hit your head on the desk!Comment
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3 Men, 3 Wishes
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''Comment
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On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?"Comment
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40' Long and Stinky
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.Comment
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6.9
What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.Comment
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Computer Breasts
Finally, something other than smiley faces....
(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) high nipple breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
o o a cups
{ O }{ O } d cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) pierced breasts
(p)(p) breasts with tassled pasties
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|oo| android breastsComment
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Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
McDonalds Condom: One Billion Served.
Energizer Condom: It keeps going and going and going...
Bandai Condoms: Action Satisfaction.Comment
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69
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, ?No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.?Comment
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A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, "What do you do with all of those?"
The guy replies, "I taught my dog to swallow them and now he shits in little plastic baggies!"Comment
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