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Originally posted by Trent Edison
Someone, what are the rules?
One rule - no post bots.Comment
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Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands
By
Gerhard Reinke
IRELAND
?Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it??
FRANCE
?Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren?t the French just Germans who can make sauces??
ITALY
?Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O?s! ?
POLAND
?Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs??
GERMANY
?Is this bratwurst kosher??
TURKEY
?Where?s the hash at?
It?s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds??
KOREA
?Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him??
CHINA
?This wall isn?t so great.?
ENGLAND
?Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick??
SWEDEN
?Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke??
YEMEN
?Yemen? That?s a stupid name for a country. What?s it mean -- ?Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ??
INDIA
?You don?t live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here??
ETHIOPIA
?After a long day of travel, I?m famished. Hey ? those flies sure love your pregnant son!?
CANADA
?You?re like Americans without money.?
SPAIN
?So, this is the country that?s not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos??
SOUTH AFRICA
?I liked it better the other way.?
MEXICO
?What's that smell??
SAUDI ARABIA
?Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what??
RUSSIA
?Is it always this cold and economically devastated??
UZBEKISTAN
?Can you spell Uzbekistan??
GREECE
?I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."
AFGHANISTAN
?Seriously, where is the real country? where is everything??
JAPAN
?What?s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi??
AUSTRALIA
?How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure??
AMERICA
?Was John Wayne gay??Comment
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Halle Berry Bares All
Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed, first-ever topless scene in Dominic Sena's Swordfish. And Jay Leno got an unscheduled sneak peek when Berry guested on "The Tonight Show" shortly before the film's release...
Thanks to her plunging neckline, Berry revealed rather more to her host than she had planned. "My problem is, I've never sat down in this dress," said a blushing Berry as she attempted to cover herself.
Leno's impromptu reply? "My problem is... I can't stand up!"Comment
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Oops
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Bill Gates Buys Some Lovin'
Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"
Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."
Bill: "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.
They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."
To which she replies: "Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name ..... Microsoft."Comment
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Yo Mama... Shotgun
Yo mama's like a shotgun, 2 cocks and she's ready to blow.Comment
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Swing Low Sweet Charriot
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob, "If we don''t get support soon, people will think we are nuts!"Comment
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Shriveled Lovin''
There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, "I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table."
The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds."
The old man said, "Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?" So they both stripped.
The old woman said, "You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." a
The old man replied, "I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."Comment
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Yo Mama and Yo Daddy
Yo mama is so fat, yo daddy is still climbing.Comment
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Plug it in, Plug it in
When does a man ever get a good idea?
When he's plugged into a woman!Comment
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Chuckie Cheese Please
Yo mama is so poor, she strips at Chuckie Cheese for tokens.Comment
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Hehe
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The 11th Commandment
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."Comment
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Why God Created Man
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and all of this beautiful garden and all of these amazing animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?" "Man will be a flawed creature, with many wreteched traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But... he'll be bigger, stronger, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll make him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds wonderful!" says Eve, " but what's the catch, Lord?"
Well... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret... You know, woman to woman."Comment
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BastarD 106
Doctor Dre 18
HKS 18
Trent Edison 14
traffic addict 11
tranza 7
Thrawn$ 6
fantasycall 5
pornpf69 5
fatsky 4
dj pussy 4
JamesK 4
Screaming 3
adamneve 2
Manowar 2
mastermikex 1
Thumbler 1
beemk 1
irishfury 1
ProfitPrograms 1
pood 1Comment
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Its tight
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I think I need to..Comment
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Nice, how do you count?Originally posted by BastarD
BastarD 106
Doctor Dre 18
HKS 18
Trent Edison 14
traffic addict 11
tranza 7
Thrawn$ 6
fantasycall 5
pornpf69 5
fatsky 4
dj pussy 4
JamesK 4
Screaming 3
adamneve 2
Manowar 2
mastermikex 1
Thumbler 1
beemk 1
irishfury 1
ProfitPrograms 1
pood 1
Comment
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... smoke a cigarette, brbComment
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Click on postcount behind this topic name on Fucking Around & Program Discussion sectionOriginally posted by Trent Edison
Nice, how do you count?Comment
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Bump
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$100 per signup
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Good luck
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Damn
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sig
ThickCash.com - Premium Network
New Webcam Site - MyCam1.com - Middle Eastern Cams
Telegram: @adamsc23Comment
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Okay
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Ways to Let Someone Know Their Fly is Open
20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.Comment
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Chilled Crabs
Yo mama is so nasty, she puts ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.Comment
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Carefully Placed Periods
There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video. He found it to be a great but complicated job.
One day he was at the register and a older man came in and asked if he could buy a phone card. So the guy gave him a card, and he wrote him a check for $39.80. He then told him that it was 20 cents short, so he gave him 2 dimes.
Unfortunitely when he typed this into the computer, he missed the period on the keyboard and it came up as 20 dollars.
That night, the manager said that he was $19.80 short. The manager thought the guy had stolen it, so he fired him immediately.
And the moral to this story is:
"Guys get in trouble over missed periods."Comment
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A Cucumber, a Pickle, and a Penis
One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all discussing how much their lives suck.
The cucumber says, "I get picked from my home, sliced up, and thrown a salad. My life sucks the most."
The pickle then says, "I get picked from my home, shoved in a jar, submerged in liquid thats smells awful. So my life sucks the most."
The penis then says, "Oh please! My life definitely sucks the most. I get a tarp wrapped over my head, stuck in a wet black hole, and rammed against a wall until I vomit."Comment
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Walk the Walk
Why did the gypsy walk funny?
Because he had crystal balls.Comment
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What do you call a blonde in an institute for high
What do you call a blonde in an institute for higher learning? A visitor.Comment
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Funny Business
A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of his workers to come up with a name for it.
The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the resaurant after the first thing Al sees when he goes out the door.
Al walks outside and the first thing he saw was a girl named Lucy and he saw her legs. He told the man, and so the restaurant was named Lucy's Legs. The man was so impressed that he said the next day Al could get a free drink.
The next day Al comes a bit early and a policeman walks by and notices Al waiting there. The policeman asks, "What are you doing?"
Al says, "I'm waiting for Lucy's legs to open so I can get a drink."Comment
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Hot Tomato
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!Comment
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Healthy Virgin
Q: What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"Comment
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A lady walks into her doctors office ...
A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"
The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"
The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"Comment
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Dog Days
Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"
The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all."
The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for. The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"
"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.
The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"Comment
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There was this redneck that walked into a ...
There was this redneck that walked into a bar and ordered a beer. While he was waiting on his drink he noticed a jar of money sitting on the counter. When the bartender came back the redneck asked the bartender about the money.
The bartender replied, "Well, this money is for the goat we have outside."
The redneck was puzzled so he asked again. "What exactly is this money for."
The bartender replied. "Well, We have a goat outside and he just lays there and never moves or hollers or anything and who ever can make him holler gets this money."
So the redneck finished him beer and goes outside.
He comes back in and the goat is laughing so hard and can't stop. The bartender askes how he did it and the Redneck won't answer. So the redneck walks out of the bar with the money.
A week later the Redneck comes in and sees the same bartender. He orders the same thing. And this time he sees another jar of money. He askes the bartender what this money was for.
The bartender replies "Well, ever sence you got that goat to laugh, we can't get him to stop. So we made another jar. Who ever can get that goat to stop laughing gets the money."
So, just like last time he finished his beer and went out side.
Well when he came in, the goat was crying. The bartender was wondering how he did it and the redneck replied, "A redneck never lets out his secrets."
So, he took his money and left.
About a week later the redneck came back and he saw another jar of money. So, he asked the bartender what this jar was. The bartender replied "Well, you have us all wondering how you did it. First you made him laugh then you made him cry and we want to know how you did it."
The redneck just sat there laughing. He says "Well, to make him laugh, I told him my penis was bigger than his and to make him cry, well, I proved it to him."Comment
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Osama and Saddam are walking through a ...
Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when they come across a fence where a goat has his head stuck.
Saddam looks at Osama, Osama looks at Saddam and Osama smiles, drops his pants, and starts goin to town with this goat, just tearin' his ass up. After Osama is done, he says, "Alright, Saddam, your turn."
And Saddam drops his draws, grabs his ankles, and sticks his head in the fence.Comment
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Yo mama''s so nasty, I came over and asked...
Yo mama''s so nasty, I came over and asked what''s for dinner and she opened her legs and said "TUNA SUPRISE!"Comment
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Did you hear about the boy bubble who chased...
Did you hear about the boy bubble who chased the girl bubble?
He wanted to see her bust!Comment
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What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette...
What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?
A fake blonde doing cartwheels!Comment
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Two nuns from France were coming to New York...
Two nuns from France were coming to New York.
While awaiting their landing, one nun looks at the other and says, "Over here in America, they have strange customs."
"Really? Like what?" says the other.
"Over here, they eat dogs."
Astounded, the other gasps, "DOGS! No way! Really?"
"Yeah, they sure do."
"Well, I guess we'll have to just get us some so that we can try to fit in."
After they landed, they went to Central Park to a hot dog stand and ordered.
"Two dogs, please!" the nuns said.
Afterwards, they went to a park bench to eat their dogs.
When one nun unwrapped hers, she blushed.
She turned to the other nun and reluctantly asked, "Er, um...which part did you get?"Comment
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