Here's what I wrote today in the journal I keep to my son...
It's 7:54am. Exactly 6 years ago you changed my life forever. You were born via C-Section. The doctor's recorded 7:54am as your time of birth. I was at your mother's head, covered in scrubs. Your grandmother was beside me. Your mother was awake the entire time, of course, and experienced no pain. But her face was hidden from you by a sheet that the doctor's had in place to block her view of the cutting they were doing. When you were lifted out I was allowed to go to the other side of that sheet and look at you. You came out peeing, all over in your mother's stomach. The doctors flushed her out very well with water, and I found it a little amusing. I got to cut the cord. You were taken to a small table, a warming table I believe, to check you out. I went along. Then you were wrapped up like a little burrito and I was able to carry you to the nursery while your mother was stitched up and taken to the recovery room.
Along the way to the nursery we passed grandma P------. I was still in scrubs and only my eyes showed. I tilted you towards her so she could look at you. Later she told me about the nice male nurse who let her see her grandson, and almost didn't believe me when I told her it wasn't a nurse.
After the nurses placed you on a warming bed and attached monitors to your chest, they left and it was just you and I. I was in awe. I held your little hands and you actually stared at me for quite awhile. I felt a bond being established, and it was beautiful. I kept talking to you in a low soothing voice and you appeared to be listening. I could see my mother, brother, and other family members looking through the glass from time to time. But my entire world was revolving around you. I was definitely in love.
We stayed in the hospital for 2 or 3 days. I think it was 3 but can't remember for sure. The only way I can describe those days is "magic". They really were. I was floating on a cloud. The nurses would try to get us to let you sleep in the nursery alone but I was having none of that. I'd rock you in the nursery instead, and hold you as you slept. And your mother would usually hold you while I slept. The only time we let you out of our sight is when the doctor took you away to perform your circumcision.
That first diaper change was interesting. I did it. In fact, I changed your diapers for a very long time so your mother could rest. But that first one... the meconium diaper, was all over my hands. I've always had a weak stomach and I had worried throughout your mother's pregnancy that I wouldn't be able to handle diapers well, but I never flinched while changing you. It never bothered me. In my mind, you are part of me. And nothing related to you has ever made me feel ill, from changing diapers to wiping snot with my hands when nothing else is available, to wearing your puke all day long. I remember smelling like baby puke for months and months... and absolutely loving it.
You changed my outlook on a lot of things. Seeing the world through your eyes is too beautiful to describe with words. Son, I'm so very happy you're here! I love you very much! I love being "Daddy". Hearing you call me that always melts me, no matter how many times I hear it.
Happy birthday, -----!
Along the way to the nursery we passed grandma P------. I was still in scrubs and only my eyes showed. I tilted you towards her so she could look at you. Later she told me about the nice male nurse who let her see her grandson, and almost didn't believe me when I told her it wasn't a nurse.
After the nurses placed you on a warming bed and attached monitors to your chest, they left and it was just you and I. I was in awe. I held your little hands and you actually stared at me for quite awhile. I felt a bond being established, and it was beautiful. I kept talking to you in a low soothing voice and you appeared to be listening. I could see my mother, brother, and other family members looking through the glass from time to time. But my entire world was revolving around you. I was definitely in love.
We stayed in the hospital for 2 or 3 days. I think it was 3 but can't remember for sure. The only way I can describe those days is "magic". They really were. I was floating on a cloud. The nurses would try to get us to let you sleep in the nursery alone but I was having none of that. I'd rock you in the nursery instead, and hold you as you slept. And your mother would usually hold you while I slept. The only time we let you out of our sight is when the doctor took you away to perform your circumcision.
That first diaper change was interesting. I did it. In fact, I changed your diapers for a very long time so your mother could rest. But that first one... the meconium diaper, was all over my hands. I've always had a weak stomach and I had worried throughout your mother's pregnancy that I wouldn't be able to handle diapers well, but I never flinched while changing you. It never bothered me. In my mind, you are part of me. And nothing related to you has ever made me feel ill, from changing diapers to wiping snot with my hands when nothing else is available, to wearing your puke all day long. I remember smelling like baby puke for months and months... and absolutely loving it.
You changed my outlook on a lot of things. Seeing the world through your eyes is too beautiful to describe with words. Son, I'm so very happy you're here! I love you very much! I love being "Daddy". Hearing you call me that always melts me, no matter how many times I hear it.
Happy birthday, -----!
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