What does your Santa Letter say:

Hahah! That's a keeper for my family emails... thanks Loryn

Here is mine:

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Tommy's Office party. It was Danny who spiked the punch with too much Beer. I can't help it if I drank 8 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like dog shit.

I thought it was funny when I put Mikey's underwear on my head and danced the the funky chicken on the sofa while singing `Stairway to Heaven'. I didn't mean to break Tommy's Ipod and don't know why Tommy would accuse me of indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Ian's wife a filthy chicken---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and red lipstick!

And when I threw up on Christine's husband's Anus, it was only because I ate too much of that Peanut.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Rolld Royce through my neighbor's Attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a juicy squirrel and have me arrested for rape!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all retarded and unbelievable. And I'm really not to blame for any of this fatastic stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and was yours,
Harmon (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 42 bucks!

Am I the only one having troubles getting this to work in FF?

Here's mine:

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Tracy's Office party. It was Kelli who spiked the punch with too much wine. I can't help it if I drank 27 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like vanilla.

I thought it was funny when I put Melissa's dress on my head and danced the line dancing on the bed while singing `Bad'. I didn't mean to break Tracy's psp and don't know why Tracy would accuse me of stealing.

I don't remember calling Christian's wife a beautiful horse---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and green lipstick!

And when I threw up on Melissa's husband's leg, it was only because I ate too much of that ham.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my truck through my neighbor's livingroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a gorgeous cat and have me arrested for murder!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all pretty and cute. And I'm really not to blame for any of this fun stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and quickly yours,
Loryn (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 32 bucks!

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Loryn's Office party. It was Billy who spiked the punch with too much Beer. I can't help it if I drank 69 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Sweat.

I thought it was funny when I put Loryn's thong on my head and danced the rave on the chair while singing `I'm so exicted'. I didn't mean to break Loryn's computer and don't know why Loryn would accuse me of downloading porn videos.

I don't remember calling Harrie's wife a a Donkey---even though she looked like one with brown eye shadow and blue lipstick!

And when I threw up on Miet's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that spaghetti.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my alfa romeo through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a bitch and have me arrested for Wanking!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all a and a. And I'm really not to blame for any of this a stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and a yours,
Sam (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 69 bucks!

You're welcome.

Danced the funky chicken on the sofa while singing Stairway to Heaven with underwear on your head. That would be great to see.

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth

Dear Santa,


I have been a good boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Elli's Office party. It was Loryn who spiked the punch with too much Hot Rum Punch. I can't help it if I drank 54 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like musk.

I thought it was funny when I put Elli's bra on my head and danced the Twisted Slouch on the sofa while singing `Twist Around the Sofa'. I didn't mean to break Elli's vibrator and don't know why Elli would accuse me of sodomy.

I don't remember calling Lensman's wife a grey hog---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and yellow lipstick!

And when I threw up on Vanilla Deville's husband's nose, it was only because I ate too much of that Whipped Cream.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Bicycle through my neighbor's dining room. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a big moose and have me arrested for rape!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all soft and sweet. And I'm really not to blame for any of this sour stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and faster yours,
Pro (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 900 bucks!

Dear Mike,

All I want for christmas is a Saleen or something of equal speed.

Regards,

Terrence

ooooops, he's not santa

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Christi's Office party. It was Lynn who spiked the punch with too much champagne. I can't help it if I drank 3 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like jasmine.

I thought it was funny when I put Cory's bra on my head and danced the macarena on the recliner while singing `Holly Jolly Christmas'. I didn't mean to break Christi's remote control and don't know why Christi would accuse me of shoplifting.

I don't remember calling Christian's wife a shiny chicken---even though she looked like one with pink eye shadow and blue lipstick!

And when I threw up on Liz's husband's boob, it was only because I ate too much of that cake.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my truck through my neighbor's living room. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a funny cat and have me arrested for steal!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and hairy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this big stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and quickly yours,
Rebekah (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 6 bucks!

haha my friend's husband is also named Christian

No. Now I'm not going to get anything

Dear Santa you fat fuck,

Look, I'm starting to get pissed. For tbe last FIVE GOD DAMNED years I have been politely asking you for that Real Doll.

You have ignored me.

I understand that you are busy eating (like Headless) and that alot of your time is spent ass pounding Elves. However, I have reached the end of my tether.

If you don't gimme that fucking Real Doll this year you gelatinous blob of shit, then I'm coming after you.

I will burn your fucking workshop down, rape that tub of lard you married, and feed those god damned Elves to a rabid polar bear.

I'm not fucking around here.


Thanks from your pal Jimmy.