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  • cool1
    sex is good
    • Sep 2001
    • 24939

    #2601
    Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped
    1. "The cucumber has left the salad."

    2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."

    3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."

    4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."

    5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

    6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

    7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."

    8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."

    9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"

    10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

    Comment

    • cool1
      sex is good
      • Sep 2001
      • 24939

      #2602
      less than 400
      over the first hurdle

      Comment

      • ProfitPrograms
        Confirmed User
        • Feb 2004
        • 1061

        #2603
        and again the wheel spins around
        ICQ: 189153

        Comment

        • cool1
          sex is good
          • Sep 2001
          • 24939

          #2604
          Making Love to a Woman
          MAKING COFFEE
          Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.

          You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

          LAYING A CARPET
          Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

          HANGING WALLPAPER
          Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

          PUTTING UP A TENT
          Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.

          WASHING A CAR
          Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

          BEING IN THERAPY
          And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

          BEING IN A CRASH
          Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

          GOING FISHING
          Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

          First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.

          Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

          Comment

          • .:St Ides:.
            Confirmed User
            • Jul 2004
            • 4857

            #2605
            Originally posted by coolone
            less than 400
            over the first hurdle

            Comment

            • ProfitPrograms
              Confirmed User
              • Feb 2004
              • 1061

              #2606
              and again
              ICQ: 189153

              Comment

              • .:St Ides:.
                Confirmed User
                • Jul 2004
                • 4857

                #2607
                Originally posted by ProfitPrograms
                and again the wheel spins around

                Comment

                • .:St Ides:.
                  Confirmed User
                  • Jul 2004
                  • 4857

                  #2608
                  Originally posted by coolone
                  Making Love to a Woman
                  MAKING COFFEE
                  Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.

                  You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

                  LAYING A CARPET
                  Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

                  HANGING WALLPAPER
                  Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

                  PUTTING UP A TENT
                  Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.

                  WASHING A CAR
                  Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

                  BEING IN THERAPY
                  And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

                  BEING IN A CRASH
                  Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

                  GOING FISHING
                  Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

                  First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.

                  Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

                  Comment

                  • .:St Ides:.
                    Confirmed User
                    • Jul 2004
                    • 4857

                    #2609
                    Originally posted by coolone
                    Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped
                    1. "The cucumber has left the salad."

                    2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."

                    3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."

                    4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."

                    5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

                    6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

                    7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."

                    8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."

                    9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"

                    10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

                    Comment

                    • .:St Ides:.
                      Confirmed User
                      • Jul 2004
                      • 4857

                      #2610
                      Originally posted by ProfitPrograms
                      and again

                      Comment

                      • .:St Ides:.
                        Confirmed User
                        • Jul 2004
                        • 4857

                        #2611

                        Comment

                        • .:St Ides:.
                          Confirmed User
                          • Jul 2004
                          • 4857

                          #2612

                          Comment

                          • cool1
                            sex is good
                            • Sep 2001
                            • 24939

                            #2613
                            Genius Boyfriend
                            A worried father confronted his blonde daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

                            "Oh no, Daddy," the blonde daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

                            Comment

                            • .:St Ides:.
                              Confirmed User
                              • Jul 2004
                              • 4857

                              #2614
                              Originally posted by coolone
                              less than 400
                              over the first hurdle

                              Comment

                              • .:St Ides:.
                                Confirmed User
                                • Jul 2004
                                • 4857

                                #2615
                                Originally posted by coolone
                                Genius Boyfriend
                                A worried father confronted his blonde daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

                                "Oh no, Daddy," the blonde daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

                                Comment

                                • .:St Ides:.
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Jul 2004
                                  • 4857

                                  #2616

                                  Comment

                                  • .:St Ides:.
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • Jul 2004
                                    • 4857

                                    #2617
                                    Originally posted by spunky
                                    I win

                                    Comment

                                    • cool1
                                      sex is good
                                      • Sep 2001
                                      • 24939

                                      #2618
                                      Grass Sandwich
                                      At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.

                                      While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".

                                      She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."

                                      A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".

                                      She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

                                      Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".

                                      She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

                                      Comment

                                      • .:St Ides:.
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Jul 2004
                                        • 4857

                                        #2619
                                        Originally posted by coolone
                                        Grass Sandwich
                                        At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.

                                        While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".

                                        She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."

                                        A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".

                                        She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

                                        Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".

                                        She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

                                        Comment

                                        • .:St Ides:.
                                          Confirmed User
                                          • Jul 2004
                                          • 4857

                                          #2620

                                          Comment

                                          • .:St Ides:.
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Jul 2004
                                            • 4857

                                            #2621
                                            Originally posted by .:St Ides:.

                                            Comment

                                            • cool1
                                              sex is good
                                              • Sep 2001
                                              • 24939

                                              #2622
                                              God's Gifts
                                              Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

                                              "It?s a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty."

                                              Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I?d love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It?d be so great. When I?m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It?d be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."

                                              Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn?t mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while.

                                              "Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "What?s left here?" "Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."

                                              Comment

                                              • ProfitPrograms
                                                Confirmed User
                                                • Feb 2004
                                                • 1061

                                                #2623
                                                i win twice
                                                ICQ: 189153

                                                Comment

                                                • .:St Ides:.
                                                  Confirmed User
                                                  • Jul 2004
                                                  • 4857

                                                  #2624

                                                  Comment

                                                  • .:St Ides:.
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Jul 2004
                                                    • 4857

                                                    #2625
                                                    Originally posted by ProfitPrograms
                                                    i win twice

                                                    Comment

                                                    • .:St Ides:.
                                                      Confirmed User
                                                      • Jul 2004
                                                      • 4857

                                                      #2626
                                                      Originally posted by .:St Ides:.

                                                      Comment

                                                      • cool1
                                                        sex is good
                                                        • Sep 2001
                                                        • 24939

                                                        #2627
                                                        Low Sperm Count
                                                        A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

                                                        The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

                                                        The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

                                                        Comment

                                                        • .:St Ides:.
                                                          Confirmed User
                                                          • Jul 2004
                                                          • 4857

                                                          #2628
                                                          Originally posted by coolone
                                                          Low Sperm Count
                                                          A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

                                                          The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

                                                          The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

                                                          Comment

                                                          • .:St Ides:.
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Jul 2004
                                                            • 4857

                                                            #2629
                                                            Originally posted by ProfitPrograms
                                                            i win twice

                                                            Comment

                                                            • cool1
                                                              sex is good
                                                              • Sep 2001
                                                              • 24939

                                                              #2630
                                                              Popular guy
                                                              Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

                                                              The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and adozen donuts.

                                                              Comment

                                                              • .:St Ides:.
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Jul 2004
                                                                • 4857

                                                                #2631
                                                                Originally posted by ProfitPrograms
                                                                and again the wheel spins around

                                                                Comment

                                                                • .:St Ides:.
                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                  • Jul 2004
                                                                  • 4857

                                                                  #2632

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • cool1
                                                                    sex is good
                                                                    • Sep 2001
                                                                    • 24939

                                                                    #2633
                                                                    I see someone is being lazy

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • .:St Ides:.
                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                      • Jul 2004
                                                                      • 4857

                                                                      #2634

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • .:St Ides:.
                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                        • Jul 2004
                                                                        • 4857

                                                                        #2635
                                                                        Originally posted by coolone
                                                                        I see someone is being lazy

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • Doctor Dre
                                                                          Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                          • Jan 2001
                                                                          • 51692

                                                                          #2636
                                                                          Not enough people posting right now
                                                                          Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                                          I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                                          Comment

                                                                          • .:St Ides:.
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Jul 2004
                                                                            • 4857

                                                                            #2637
                                                                            Originally posted by coolone
                                                                            I see someone is being lazy

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • .:St Ides:.
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • Jul 2004
                                                                              • 4857

                                                                              #2638
                                                                              Originally posted by Doctor Dre
                                                                              Not enough people posting right now

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • Doctor Dre
                                                                                Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                • Jan 2001
                                                                                • 51692

                                                                                #2639
                                                                                Every1 knows I'l be the one getting the extra 500 $ on my wire
                                                                                Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                                                I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                                                Comment

                                                                                • cool1
                                                                                  sex is good
                                                                                  • Sep 2001
                                                                                  • 24939

                                                                                  #2640
                                                                                  My fucking teddy bear hamster is walking around on my desk and he decides to jump into my sunflower seed bowl.
                                                                                  damn he just did it agian

                                                                                  damn greedy little fuck

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • cool1
                                                                                    sex is good
                                                                                    • Sep 2001
                                                                                    • 24939

                                                                                    #2641
                                                                                    Dreamers

                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                    • cool1
                                                                                      sex is good
                                                                                      • Sep 2001
                                                                                      • 24939

                                                                                      #2642
                                                                                      Sure glad I do not live in Nova Scotia

                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                      • Doctor Dre
                                                                                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                        • Jan 2001
                                                                                        • 51692

                                                                                        #2643
                                                                                        I always loose during thoses contests
                                                                                        Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                                                        I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • cool1
                                                                                          sex is good
                                                                                          • Sep 2001
                                                                                          • 24939

                                                                                          #2644
                                                                                          First Visit
                                                                                          The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

                                                                                          "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

                                                                                          "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.

                                                                                          "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

                                                                                          "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.

                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                          • Doctor Dre
                                                                                            Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                            • Jan 2001
                                                                                            • 51692

                                                                                            #2645
                                                                                            Jokes.com is sooo good for post whoring
                                                                                            Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                                                            I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                            • Satisfaction
                                                                                              WootWootCash.com
                                                                                              • Jul 2004
                                                                                              • 10900

                                                                                              #2646
                                                                                              only around 350 to go people..

                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                              • Doctor Dre
                                                                                                Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                • Jan 2001
                                                                                                • 51692

                                                                                                #2647
                                                                                                This will definitly be done today
                                                                                                Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                                                                I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                • cool1
                                                                                                  sex is good
                                                                                                  • Sep 2001
                                                                                                  • 24939

                                                                                                  #2648
                                                                                                  Grilling Remarks
                                                                                                  A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

                                                                                                  So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark.

                                                                                                  Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                  • cool1
                                                                                                    sex is good
                                                                                                    • Sep 2001
                                                                                                    • 24939

                                                                                                    #2649
                                                                                                    e

                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                    • Satisfaction
                                                                                                      WootWootCash.com
                                                                                                      • Jul 2004
                                                                                                      • 10900

                                                                                                      #2650
                                                                                                      Originally posted by Doctor Dre
                                                                                                      Jokes.com is sooo good for post whoring
                                                                                                      lol, tell me about it man..

                                                                                                      Comment

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