A house woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large
beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $20.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty dirty stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room
and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's
not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them
and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, came home
from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
Next one
Son: "Hey, Dad, did you know Mom thinks you're perfect?"
Dad: "Really, son? How do you know."
Son: "Well, I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith."
Dad: "Oh? When was that?"
Son: "Right before she used the word 'idiot.'"
One you should remind for special moments!
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the mom! , bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, enough - I'll do the fucking dishes!"
And the last one for our conspiracy posters at GFY
George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
Fifth - what happened to Billy?"
beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $20.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty dirty stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room
and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's
not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them
and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, came home
from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
Next oneSon: "Hey, Dad, did you know Mom thinks you're perfect?"
Dad: "Really, son? How do you know."
Son: "Well, I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith."
Dad: "Oh? When was that?"
Son: "Right before she used the word 'idiot.'"
One you should remind for special moments! Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the mom! , bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, enough - I'll do the fucking dishes!"
And the last one for our conspiracy posters at GFYGeorge W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
Fifth - what happened to Billy?"
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