President Unveils Double-Headed Porn Czar
In response to a recent Fox News poll suggesting Americans are more obsessed with sex than al-Qaeda, President Bush announced plans to introduce anti-pornography legislation if re-elected in November.
The plan, which includes a provision to limit adult video rentals to one per customer, is being hailed by religious leaders as a giant step backwards.
Speaking from notes at his Crawford, Texas ranch the President reassured local evangelicals that his goal was simple. "With your help," he said, "we can put sex back into the dimly lit bedrooms of frightened men and women and out of the hands of America's youth."
Flanked by his wife Laura and their twin daughters Barbara and Jenna, the President challenged all nations to "out-root the evils of masturbation," and called for all Americans to "stem the tide of Porn-Addictionness." The President seemed invigorated as his daughters repeated his pledge not to masturbate.
The girls had to be escorted from the stage by the Secret Service. Dozens of boys were injured in the melee and were taken to a nearby hospital for observation.
After the commotion, the President introduced his new porn czars: Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Colin Powell. "Dick and Colin have been preparing for this their whole lives. They're just the men to help this country stop thinking of sex as fun."
The Fox poll suggests that of the 27% of Americans who voted for the President in 2000, 82% believe masturbation leads directly to blindness. While Bush strategist Karl Rove thinks this number is actually higher, critics see the poll as part of an overall strategy to confuse voters prior to the election.
"We are quite certain that if George Bush is re-elected," said Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards, "people will need porn more than ever. But we're not worried. No politician in the last 50 years has ever won an election by telling Americans not to masturbate."
In 1952, Sen. Strom Thurmond (R- SC) told a group of African-American youths to "stop thinking about our [white] women and keep your hands out [of] your drawers."
http://www.deadbrain.com/politics/ar...10_18_3220.php
In response to a recent Fox News poll suggesting Americans are more obsessed with sex than al-Qaeda, President Bush announced plans to introduce anti-pornography legislation if re-elected in November.
The plan, which includes a provision to limit adult video rentals to one per customer, is being hailed by religious leaders as a giant step backwards.
Speaking from notes at his Crawford, Texas ranch the President reassured local evangelicals that his goal was simple. "With your help," he said, "we can put sex back into the dimly lit bedrooms of frightened men and women and out of the hands of America's youth."
Flanked by his wife Laura and their twin daughters Barbara and Jenna, the President challenged all nations to "out-root the evils of masturbation," and called for all Americans to "stem the tide of Porn-Addictionness." The President seemed invigorated as his daughters repeated his pledge not to masturbate.
The girls had to be escorted from the stage by the Secret Service. Dozens of boys were injured in the melee and were taken to a nearby hospital for observation.
After the commotion, the President introduced his new porn czars: Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Colin Powell. "Dick and Colin have been preparing for this their whole lives. They're just the men to help this country stop thinking of sex as fun."
The Fox poll suggests that of the 27% of Americans who voted for the President in 2000, 82% believe masturbation leads directly to blindness. While Bush strategist Karl Rove thinks this number is actually higher, critics see the poll as part of an overall strategy to confuse voters prior to the election.
"We are quite certain that if George Bush is re-elected," said Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards, "people will need porn more than ever. But we're not worried. No politician in the last 50 years has ever won an election by telling Americans not to masturbate."
In 1952, Sen. Strom Thurmond (R- SC) told a group of African-American youths to "stop thinking about our [white] women and keep your hands out [of] your drawers."
http://www.deadbrain.com/politics/ar...10_18_3220.php
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