REENSBORO, NC?In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday that he will personally attack the U.S. if Sen. John Kerry wins the next election.
"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."
Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their safety in mind when they go to the polls."
"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."
"Wherever Cheney is?whether in his office in the White House or stumping in battleground states?we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation under greater threat of attack by Cheney."
god bless the onion
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4041
"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."
Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their safety in mind when they go to the polls."
"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."
"Wherever Cheney is?whether in his office in the White House or stumping in battleground states?we will be watching him," Ridge said. "I will not rule out raising the terror-alert level, should Kerry begin to draw ahead in the polls. Every percentage point conceded to Kerry brings the nation under greater threat of attack by Cheney."
god bless the onion
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4041
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