I am sorry to hear this TurboAngel
I have dealt with suicide as well. One of my very dearest friends took their own life on July 6th. As you know, nothing can prepare you for that phone call. The feeling of complete helplessness and guilt quickly manifested. Naturally i also felt anger at my friend for taking the selfish way out.
I am still dealing with alot of these emotions, and for me it's a daily process. Very cliche, but getting these feelings out and off your chest is mega important.
If you want someone nuetral just to chat, hit me up on icq.
Wishing you some peace.
LauraLee