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I probably shouldn't say anything, but I recently learned that a Top Secret group working under the auspices of the Homeland Security Dept. has been researching the left track abduction phenomenon at Space Mountain. As I understand it, aliens from another galaxy have been doing the Shanghai (or in this case Shag-hi) to random passengers boarding the Space Mountain ride.
I don't know how to break this to you, but you were very likely anally probed while in an unconscious state during your abduction and impregnated by the aliens. You certainly fit the profile. The victims are almost always of ample proportions, leading researchers to conclude that the aliens prefer specimens which are juicy when they plump them.
Prior to discharging you they do a mind erase so that you think you were merely pushed out a side door.
You will be contacted by someone from the Agency for a debriefing. Do not fear, the government will do everything it can do to help...
ADG Webmaster
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