Stupid Client Quote #3 - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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FrankWhite

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#1

Stupid Client Quote #3

09-23-2004, 08:31 AM

Client: "We want a website that can play DVD quality video, but we don't want to use streaming video and the load time must be zero."
Designer: "That's impossible. Everything has a load time. DVD quality runs about 100 megs a minute."
Client: "We'll take our business elsewhere..."
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johndoebob

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#2

09-23-2004, 08:33 AM

Every day a new idiot gets up...
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Fabuleux

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#3

09-23-2004, 08:33 AM
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Jakke PNG

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#4

09-23-2004, 08:34 AM

Tell them to contact me when they find a solution, I want something like that too.

..and I'm off.
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FrankWhite

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#5

09-23-2004, 08:35 AM

Designer: "We should probably talk about the look and feel of the Web site before we get to work. Just explain how you would like it to look..."

Client: "Well, I don't think we really want it to look too much like a Web site. You know what I mean?"
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okny

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#6

09-23-2004, 08:36 AM

Originally posted by Doomed

Client: "Well, I don't think we really want it to look too much like a Web site. You know what I mean?"

I heard everything in this business but that's a first.

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johndoebob

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#7

09-23-2004, 08:37 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Designer: "We should probably talk about the look and feel of the Web site before we get to work. Just explain how you would like it to look..."

Client: "Well, I don't think we really want it to look too much like a Web site. You know what I mean?"

Designer: "Yeah, like a house or car..."
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FrankWhite

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#8

09-23-2004, 08:37 AM

"more fonts. use more fonts!"
"ummm... how many do you want?"
"how many do you have?"
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Manowar

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#9

09-23-2004, 08:37 AM

Client: We want the world
Designer: its imposible
Client: i'll take my business elsewhere
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Fake Nick

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#10

09-23-2004, 08:38 AM

the dumbest clients usually spend the most money
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iFliPcEss

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#11

09-23-2004, 08:39 AM

lol... i know this bizaare!
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Havoc_on_fire

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#12

09-23-2004, 08:39 AM

OMG... That is one for the book.. love it.
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FrankWhite

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#13

09-23-2004, 08:43 AM

we had a client who compained about the weight of banner adds, after a month of make
"it lighter"
we asked what she ment, her responce-
" 8 kilos is far to heavy for a banner add "
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#14

09-23-2004, 09:02 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Designer: "We should probably talk about the look and feel of the Web site before we get to work. Just explain how you would like it to look..."

Client: "Well, I don't think we really want it to look too much like a Web site. You know what I mean?"

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I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.
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BradM

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#15

09-23-2004, 09:03 AM

This thread reminds me of my support days at a webtool company. Gives me a headache.
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Indeed

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#16

09-23-2004, 09:10 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
"more fonts. use more fonts!"
"ummm... how many do you want?"
"how many do you have?"
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FuckFind

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#17

09-23-2004, 09:13 AM

I could go on for hours with these, but current project clients are great so no complaints here ( [B]1 and B2 represent).

FF
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Basic_man

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#18

09-23-2004, 09:15 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Client: "We want a website that can play DVD quality video, but we don't want to use streaming video and the load time must be zero."
Designer: "That's impossible. Everything has a load time. DVD quality runs about 100 megs a minute."
Client: "We'll take our business elsewhere..."

Rofl, fuckin' stupid !

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Reak

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#19

09-23-2004, 09:16 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Client: "We want a website that can play DVD quality video, but we don't want to use streaming video and the load time must be zero."
Designer: "That's impossible. Everything has a load time. DVD quality runs about 100 megs a minute."
Client: "We'll take our business elsewhere..."
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Argoz

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#20

09-23-2004, 09:17 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Designer: "We should probably talk about the look and feel of the Web site before we get to work. Just explain how you would like it to look..."

Client: "Well, I don't think we really want it to look too much like a Web site. You know what I mean?"

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#21

09-23-2004, 09:19 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
we had a client who compained about the weight of banner adds, after a month of make
"it lighter"
we asked what she ment, her responce-
" 8 kilos is far to heavy for a banner add "

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#22

09-23-2004, 09:25 AM

So many idiots.....it's really funny!

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Doc911

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#23

09-23-2004, 09:34 AM

client: we want our website to look like that website on the internet.

designer: which website is that?

client: you know the one that has all the pictures and stuff.

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#24

09-23-2004, 10:46 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
"more fonts. use more fonts!"
"ummm... how many do you want?"
"how many do you have?"

ROFL!

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#25

09-23-2004, 10:48 AM

Originally posted by johndoebob
Every day a new idiot gets up...

Love the sig

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#26

09-23-2004, 10:50 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Client: "We want a website that can play DVD quality video, but we don't want to use streaming video and the load time must be zero."
Designer: "That's impossible. Everything has a load time. DVD quality runs about 100 megs a minute."
Client: "We'll take our business elsewhere..."
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groark

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#27

09-23-2004, 10:54 AM

Originally posted by Doomed
Client: "We want a website that can play DVD quality video, but we don't want to use streaming video and the load time must be zero."
Designer: "That's impossible. Everything has a load time. DVD quality runs about 100 megs a minute."
Client: "We'll take our business elsewhere..."

wahahhaaa
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#28

09-23-2004, 11:00 AM

thanks for the laugh doomed LOL freakin funny!

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#29

09-23-2004, 11:03 AM

I love when they ask for a service and I quote them....Then they say "It's really simple though... Can you just teach my son how to do it?".
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#30

09-23-2004, 11:07 AM

Originally posted by shermsshack
I love when they ask for a service and I quote them....Then they say "It's really simple though... Can you just teach my son how to do it?".

Similar to my experience...

Client: How much will it cost for you to update our featured homes page?
Designer: About $20 per photo and $10 for the text.
Client: That is too expensive (mind you they will make about $2000 - $6000 per house), can you teach my son to do it for say, $50?
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#31

09-23-2004, 11:07 AM

Originally posted by shermsshack
I love when they ask for a service and I quote them....Then they say "It's really simple though... Can you just teach my son how to do it?".

That's one I havent heard before, LOL

Take Luck!
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#32

09-23-2004, 11:08 AM

thats the funniest thread of the week

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#33

09-23-2004, 11:10 AM

lol, thank god i don't do freelance work anymore.

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#34

09-23-2004, 11:12 AM

Originally posted by liquidmoe
That's one I havent heard before, LOL

I got that the other day. I told the person I'm too busy with personal projects to take on anything extra. I got that response and I followed it with "And you think that will actually save me time?".
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#35

09-23-2004, 11:28 AM

here is ours Hall of Fame:
client: I dunno.. I don't like these colors
designer: hmm.. what colors would you like then?
client: try something, I dunno..

after some time..
client: try another font
designer: how would you like this to look? sharper, bolder, darker?
client: you could do it bolder and darker. But I don't like dark, you know?
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FrankWhite

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#36

09-23-2004, 11:28 AM

Client: (After viewing a sample of a multiple choice question)

Please change the "SUBMIT" button to "DONE".
Submit sounds too kinky.
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FrankWhite

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#37

09-23-2004, 11:31 AM

Direct quote...
"We want it to be black, but could you not make it so dark?"
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FrankWhite

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#38

09-23-2004, 11:33 AM

client:"Hey, did you test the site in Windows 98?"
me:"uh, yes. Why"
client:"well, the entire partner section doesn't show up."
me:"We pulled the partner section, remember?"
client:"Oh, yeah. We wanted it back in. Do you think the problem has anything to do with the fact that you used FrontPage?"
me:"we didn't use fron page."
client:"uh, we did."
me:"sorry, can't help you."
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#39

09-23-2004, 11:39 AM

When I did tech support for an ISP/host:

Client: How do I "upload" files to my site? I don't know how to do that! ~~~LOL~~~

Me: Using your FTP client.

Client: I don't have any clients yet. My web design business is brand new.

Me: Huh?

Client: Where do I email my files to make them show up on my site?

Me: Let me transfer you to someone who can assist you with that.

Client: Thanks.

Me: (places call back in queue and heads outside for a smoke and a chuckle)

I like pie.
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shima

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#40

09-23-2004, 11:43 AM

I'm going to save this thread, I love it!
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FrankWhite

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#41

09-23-2004, 11:54 AM

Client: "I keep finding myself hitting the clear button instead of the submit button, and then the form clears out and I have to start all over again. Is there anything you can do to fix that?"
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