I AM THE ULTIMATE PRESS RELEASE WRITER!!!!(with the help of Porno Dan and Beer))

I am an indian. The American kind.

I am spiritual advisor.

I am a duck.

"Team Flame Spiritual Advisor Airek has this to say, “Penny Flame epitomizes surreal being and carnal enjoyment, this girl knows what life’s all about. She lives for the supreme existence of her inner pot brownie cravings. If you look up primal exuberance in the dictionary you will see a picture of Penny Flame. I think its only fitting that she carries the scepter for an event so enthralled in decadence and debauchery. I am proud to the spiritual advisor for Team Flame.” Airek"


TEAM FLAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

you guys need to be wearing those bright orange coats while you do shit like this...

people need to watch out for you...

wait....what?

cutie.

more pics?

Man makes me wanna be a Sybian... You gonna put Lexi on it too?
Nice to see someone who is comfortable in who they are.

Just started reading, but already finding punctuation errors.

Maybe the hottest or sexiest press release writer, but ultimate? Sorry.

dude, dont be gay

I was honored to be mentioned. Nutritionist, hahahaha, you need more protein in your diet.

that was the best thing ive read all week

I might have pissed myself a little reading that..

I like your picture of lexi belle that you I took off the television at a Marriot in Oregon.

Where do you write, or blog at Penny? I remember you mentioned it a while ago but I forgot the site. Was it http://www.aipdaily.com/ or another site?

Instant Crassic...

I have some Chinook blood - let me know the next time you want to do some peyote and hit a sweat lodge...

ADG

I also write at http://xcritic.com

and then......

of course there will be a blog at http://PennyFlame.com

I'm always down to eat peyote and hit the sweat lodge. Maybe, upon your experienced advice, we could turn my hotel bathroom in Vegas into a sweet sweat lodge and then trip there. hhmmm???

Don't be a pooper....I SAID that Dan and I were drinking at a bar when writing. So there's a little streaming consciousness. So there are some grammatical errors.

Nothing is more beautiful than the small imperfections of a large masterpiece. You know that, so don't gimme shit, or you'll end up back in my room on the sybian too. hahahahah.
(xo bddg)

I think Penny wrote this at the bar on a cocktail napkin, so forgive her errors

As Fuego's official documentarian/media advisor we'll be filming our first feature film at the XBIZ show: "Penny Flame: Sybian Wrangler."

We're currently casting co-stars and extras so hit me up.

BLOG THIS..... you suck.... MUWHAAAAAAA

Hot Damn its ON!!!!!!

Great PR Penny A1r3k, I've been having trouble with insomnia, can you help me out?

OF COURSE!!!! I will acquaint you with my best little friends. Pot cupcakes. and a heaping tablespoon of codeine.

Or you can just come drinking with me and Dan next time

and swallow....quite often actually!

Don't be suckin of them jellysicles, hatin cuz you ain't on the team. If you ain't part of any team yet, I'm sure there is a position open for you C-murder.

How about Team Flame covert operations manager?

Or Team Flame Espionage and Counter Attack Consultant?

I think these are both very valuable positions to hold on a team.

Christian, Penny Flame wants YOU!

I like it when you cheat on me

You are pretty much the love of my life. Just so you know, if you are in Vegas you can expect my marriage proposal.

best. press. release. ever.
can hardly wait to meet you but scared of myself if we click. i get ultra crazy when i am with fun, crazy people. i can go from zero to tasmanian devil in 60 seconds with the right influence. i think you just scored my pal Jenni's vote with that reply to her post. come by my cabana if you get a chance

I just spit my Arizona Iced Tea all over my keyboard, why you ask?.... Because C-Murder will not nor will he ever join someones team, C-Murders team is the only one he will ever be a member of.....

Team: "C-Murder's Super Fun Slap and Tickle Mixed Martial Arts & Crafts Fighting Alliance LLC"

I like when you watch me cheat on you. You naughty naughty boy.

Nice PR Penny

Looking forward to it... J

I am your Huckleberry..

Dude I have never drank so much so fast, while working on a press release.

We were pounding pitchers of Miller Lite getting ready for the boat race contest while we wrote this. To Penny's credit she went and did a scene afterwards, while I just went home and passed out for a couple hours.

********.com just posted this article as well - thanks Gene Ross

Way to go Dan...

A BIG Yee Ha! for the single life... J

Absolutely. The don't call me Charlie Bartlett for nothing. Or is it Charlie Babbit?

poop .

good read. Makes me wish I was going to be there even more. You need some Canadians there to show you how to drink.

Penny was just in my office (actually scared the shit out of me when see peaked in the door) and she bowed down to C-Murder, just like it thought.... What now...!

TEAM FLAMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... RULES!!!

Bow down bitches =)

Love ya sunshine!!!

xoxo,
Megan

Never have I read a PR written with such eloquence and honesty. Why can't we see more PRs like this in our Newscaster Blaster?

C-ya on stage next week, Flame!

Suhweet!

What's up Penny BurnOUT!!!? Thought we were girls...........I have been trying to sleep with you for years and not a single lick have u passed my way........I say us stoner chics have a smokeout showdown!!!

I totally did you in my dreams a couple nights ago, so you were included in the top 5 that I have done, which of course are the hottest chicks I know.....

(and btw, I adore your underpants, and you are the only other biatch I would ever want to wear that sauced up crown).
(In fact, if I were to win it, we could take turns wearing it while we go down on each other in a cabana. You know how I feel about you, your underpants, and your weed smoking abilities. You are the only other woman in my life. Period. You are my favorite, and nutritious dish you little Trish)

Thanks XBIZ for carrying the article.

I love the way your reporter covered his ass, and takes all mention of me out of the press release.

Good move by a new reporter to take my egomaniac self out of the article.

If by some chance the next 20 press releases we write go to another company first, you can only blame yourself.


Our intrepid sibling website XBIZ.com has a business-to-business convention coming up next week in Las Vegas, and as a part of it, they'll be holding the inaugural Miss XBIZ pageant.

Sadly, yours truly is not a judge, or else I'd have to hold private, in-depth meetings with the lovely nominees: Joanna Angel, Bree Olson, Penny Flame, Renee Perez, Nikki Jayne, Alyssah Simone, Kayden Kross, Puma Swede, Sunny Lane, Trisha Uptown and Moxxie Maddron.

That said, one of the nominees, the perky, slightly bonkers and naturally busty Penny Flame has issued a challenge to her fellow nominees, as well as just about everybody, it seems:

Penny Flame has issued a challenge: ?To all you wannabe bitches and pornwhores, I am issuing a challenge. I am challenging you to find a better, badder, bitch than your own Penny Flame. I know my competition. In fact, I?ve fucked most of them, the five best (you know I licked you cross-eyed bitch), and goddammit, I prefer to fuck myself all day. And I do. And I?m awesome. So bitches, bring your game face, not that cum-covered Vegas lounge-lizard face you are planning on packing. If I don?t beat your ass at the pool, at the Miss XBIZ competition, I most certainly will in my hotel room after. This is where I will be bringing you all. Ha.

I am also bringing my Sybian to prove my masturbatory skills, and I dare one of you to ride longer than I, the flamingest masturbating whore of all. In the words of my personal trainer Just Dave and nutritionist Rick Shamless, "Be proud of what you are ? whores."

Not only am I challenging you to the ultimate duel in the Miss XBIZ competition, but also I am throwing down the gauntlet to take on me and my awesome ho killing team in the boat races. If you don?t know what that shit is, you don?t deserve to. Ha again.

Team Flame Spiritual Advisor Airek has this to say about me: ?Penny Flame epitomizes surreal being and carnal enjoyment, this girl knows what life?s all about. She lives for the supreme existence of her inner pot brownie cravings. If you look up primal exuberance in the dictionary you will see a picture of Penny Flame. I think its only fitting that she carries the scepter for an event so enthralled in decadence and debauchery. I am proud to the spiritual advisor for Team Flame.?

Due to the confrontational nature of this press release/challenge, I will not answer my phone until the show. Not only will we refuse to answer my phone, we will also not acknowledge or entertain any counter challenges, because we are obviously the coolest people on earth ? and maybe Mars. I am the XBIZ princess of all of your motherfucking dreams.

I'm not sure if she wants the rest of the nominees to join her in a Sybian competition or what, but whatever the case, I like Flame's style. Loyal XFANZ readers may remember her two philosophical rants. And in case you don't, well, here's a really hot picture of her.


BTW this is not the picture the inexperienced young reporter posted it is one by our friends at www.FUBARWEBMASTERS.com; if you want to see a picture that corresponds to the story look no further

Fuck, they left out the best part!

"My dream team of awesome ho killing and dick slapping homies are Porno ?Porno ?I?ve been practicing for this moment since 1985? Dan, of Porno Dan, Tim ?the Hand? Siner of Video Secrets, Alex ?RyuLion cuz I?llslap you in the face if you are bitch? insert last name here, Jerry ?I?m not Dean Martin you drunk slut? Lewis, and myself"

we are missing our team captain - vegas will not be the same w/o woofy

I am still crying tears of meow.

This is going to be to easy - maybe we should drink the hard stuff to give the other teams a chance.....

I must of missed something..or I'm not drunk right now to understand this!
Can someone fill me in on this?

I am holding you to that, burnout biiiiaaatch!!!