I Almost Hooked Up With One of the Olsen Twins Last Night (true)
Last night me and my friends, Chris and Joel, went out to this local dive bar for a few thousand shots of Jagermeister. We were sitting at this table in the front of the place and I was already so fucked up I was stuffing various objects up into my hat in one of my patented comedy routines.
One of my buddies notices that it?s Ashley Olsen sitting at the table next to us. A few minutes later, I notice Mary Kate is sitting right behind me (like 6 inches away). This annoying standup comedian walks up to our table trying to sell his DVD or something and being really obnoxious.
He says, ?If you don?t laugh, you will get your money back.?
So I come back with, ?Let?s hear some of your best shit??
So he starts telling these jokes and I can finish the punch lines to all of them. These jokes are Lame ? that?s right Lame with a capitol ?L? ? they sounded like they came straight out of Maxim. I tore the guy to shreds and everybody was cracking up ? they loved it.
So, then I feel a tap on my shoulder and it?s Mary Kate. She?s like, ?That was so funny ? that guy was really getting on my nerves.? The conversation continues for around 15 minutes on and off and there is some pretty solid flirtation going on. A while later, I am at the back of the bar and I get introduced to her sister and we chat some more ? it was pretty cool ? again, solid flirtation.
A while later -- they left. Oh well, to be honest, they really didn?t look that good anyway. Mary Kate was still way to skinny and Ashley was kind of fat, but not a good fat ? kind of a square fat and they both were wearing these stupid looking hippie clothes.
The last thing I was thinking today is: Ok, these girls just got out of jailbait status and everybody knows who they are and how old they are, so what kind of fake ID got those bitches in the bar?
Hollywood, you gotta? love it.
One of my buddies notices that it?s Ashley Olsen sitting at the table next to us. A few minutes later, I notice Mary Kate is sitting right behind me (like 6 inches away). This annoying standup comedian walks up to our table trying to sell his DVD or something and being really obnoxious.
He says, ?If you don?t laugh, you will get your money back.?
So I come back with, ?Let?s hear some of your best shit??
So he starts telling these jokes and I can finish the punch lines to all of them. These jokes are Lame ? that?s right Lame with a capitol ?L? ? they sounded like they came straight out of Maxim. I tore the guy to shreds and everybody was cracking up ? they loved it.
So, then I feel a tap on my shoulder and it?s Mary Kate. She?s like, ?That was so funny ? that guy was really getting on my nerves.? The conversation continues for around 15 minutes on and off and there is some pretty solid flirtation going on. A while later, I am at the back of the bar and I get introduced to her sister and we chat some more ? it was pretty cool ? again, solid flirtation.
A while later -- they left. Oh well, to be honest, they really didn?t look that good anyway. Mary Kate was still way to skinny and Ashley was kind of fat, but not a good fat ? kind of a square fat and they both were wearing these stupid looking hippie clothes.
The last thing I was thinking today is: Ok, these girls just got out of jailbait status and everybody knows who they are and how old they are, so what kind of fake ID got those bitches in the bar?
Hollywood, you gotta? love it.
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