Words of Wisdom for a monday morning.......
· Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.
· The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
· The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
· Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
· Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
· Remember, no-one is listening. Until you fart.
· Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
· Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
· If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and You have their shoes.
· If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
· Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
· Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
· If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
· Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
· Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
· Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement.
· The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
· A closed mouth gathers no feet.
· There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
· Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.
· Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
· The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
· Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
· The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
· The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
· Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
· Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
· Remember, no-one is listening. Until you fart.
· Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
· Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
· If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and You have their shoes.
· If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
· Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
· Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
· If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
· Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
· Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
· Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement.
· The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
· A closed mouth gathers no feet.
· There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
· Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.
· Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
· The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
· Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
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