Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

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  • Fletch XXX
    GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
    • Jan 2002
    • 60840

    #1

    Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    funny shit

    http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm

    10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

    9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

    8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

    7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

    6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

    5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

    4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


    3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

    2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

    1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.


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  • BRISK
    Too lazy to set a custom title
    • Feb 2003
    • 12240

    #2
    I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do,
    I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

    Comment

    • Internet God
      So Fucking Banned
      • Apr 2004
      • 182

      #3
      Nice!

      Comment

      • Grammar Police
        So Fucking Banned
        • Feb 2004
        • 727

        #4
        I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.

        Comment

        • BRISK
          Too lazy to set a custom title
          • Feb 2003
          • 12240

          #5
          #11 - If your GFY nick is "boobmaster"
          I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do,
          I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

          Comment

          • TaDoW
            Confirmed User
            • Sep 2001
            • 3875

            #6
            Beautiful. Fucking Beautiful.
            -TaDoW

            I've Upped My Standards, Up Yours!

            Comment

            • Paul Waters
              Confirmed User
              • Mar 2003
              • 4402

              #7
              I'd post the timeline, but this can never be said too often.



              Paul

              Comment

              • Nanda
                Confirmed User
                • Jul 2003
                • 5310

                #8
                Originally posted by Grammar Police
                I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.
                My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
                He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

                Comment

                • Fletch XXX
                  GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
                  • Jan 2002
                  • 60840

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Grammar Police
                  I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.
                  would never happen.

                  here in california, cops live in cul de sacs and have their own communities.

                  the police are separated from civilian population here.

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                  Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

                  Comment

                  • tony299
                    lurker
                    • Aug 2002
                    • 57021

                    #10
                    very good stuff

                    Comment

                    • Grammar Police
                      So Fucking Banned
                      • Feb 2004
                      • 727

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Fletch XXX
                      would never happen.

                      here in california, cops live in cul de sacs and have their own communities.

                      the police are separated from civilian population here.
                      I see why.

                      Comment

                      • PerfectionGirls
                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                        • Oct 2002
                        • 4484

                        #12
                        SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                        Comment

                        • beergood
                          Confirmed User
                          • Jun 2003
                          • 2918

                          #13
                          You could also call that the top ten ways to know if you're a Moron as well.
                          icq: 320340263

                          Comment

                          • Fletch XXX
                            GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
                            • Jan 2002
                            • 60840

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Grammar Police
                            I see why.
                            cool you admit people like me have the police scared.


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                            Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

                            Comment

                            • crockett
                              in a van by the river
                              • May 2003
                              • 76818

                              #15
                              lol good stuff.. fucking hypocrites Christians are
                              In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

                              Comment

                              • dig420
                                Confirmed User
                                • May 2001
                                • 9240

                                #16
                                I remember when I was very young and searching for my identity I spent a brief time under the spell of a local fundamentalist church. I've always been the questioning type, and my biggest problem with my new religion was that a supposedly omnicient God would create people, or allow them to be created, that he already knew were going to burn in hell forever. This is such a cruel thing that I could not reconcile it with their image of a loving God. The preacher never had an answer for this question, but he did give me their mantra:

                                "You just have to have faith."

                                Their answer for any troubling part of their theology is that we can't know what's happening in the mind of God and that if it was easy to be a Christian then everyone would be one. So stop asking questions and just accept it, it doesn't have to make sense.

                                You cannot be a fundamentalist Christian and exercise your intelligence at the same time. The two disciplines are incompatible.

                                Comment

                                • BRISK
                                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                                  • Feb 2003
                                  • 12240

                                  #17
                                  I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do,
                                  I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

                                  Comment

                                  • Grammar Police
                                    So Fucking Banned
                                    • Feb 2004
                                    • 727

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Fletch XXX
                                    cool you admit people like me have the police scared.

                                    Scared of a scrawny pothead? Probably not. How about because of your completely unreasonable hatred of anything you disagree with. Anyone who says pot doesn't affect your brain is wrong.

                                    Comment

                                    • Manowar
                                      jellyfish  
                                      • Dec 2003
                                      • 71528

                                      #19
                                      so fucking funny and true, religion is a sham

                                      Comment

                                      • Fletch XXX
                                        GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
                                        • Jan 2002
                                        • 60840

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by Grammar Police
                                        Scared of a scrawny pothead? Probably not. How about because of your completely unreasonable hatred of anything you disagree with. Anyone who says pot doesn't affect your brain is wrong.
                                        do you realize how much of a joke you really are?

                                        some wannabe called "Grammar Police" who goes around correcting typos on a message board.

                                        oh my what an asset to the world.

                                        go finger your ass idiot

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                                        Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

                                        Comment

                                        • smack
                                          Push Porn Like Weight.
                                          • Mar 2002
                                          • 10652

                                          #21
                                          Originally posted by Fletch XXX

                                          1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

                                          that never fails to amaze me. and i run into it all the time. I do enjoy systematically tearing their religion apart piece by piece for them though.

                                          it's always amusign watching someone's world crumble before them.

                                          but they never learn. you keep debunking, they keep right along wallowing in their blind faith and perpetual ignorance.

                                          oh way, is the way of the world i suppose.
                                          Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

                                          Comment

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