PLEASE HELP - a friend of mine is destroying their life on Cocaine

50 cocaine binges

i'm in a similar situation -with all the conventions i goto, i've never done any drugs.

i can't say i've never been drunk though, - hey - i'm human. All i can say i try and keep it under controll - but sometimes that controll slips away. I had it under controll this time thank god, and i can only pray the future stays like this last convention for me as I had a couple of doozies recently.

I wish I could help: a friend of mine is going the same way right now on crack. She was smart, bright, had a great job and now she barely functions. She lives on welfare and, well you can guess what she does to raise the rest of the money to feed her habit.

The problem is that even when you catch an addict in a rational moment and get him or her to talk about what is happening, such moments are few and far between and soon forgotten. It is only a matter of time before she kills herself.

I'm in my fifties, time enough to lose a few friends this way. I'm sorry to say that none who went over the edge ever came back. It's the reason I'm opposed to "recreational" drugs of any kind, even though I grew up in the drug culture of the sixties and don't have a moral objection to them as such.

But every addict I have known started out on soft drugs. And although the vast majority of my friends never went further or did no more than "let loose once in a while", the acceptance of drugs into society and therefore their availability, means more addictive personalities exposed to them, instead of to something less dangerous. So when I look at a dealer, big or small-time, I don't see Mr Cool, I see someone who doesn't care if his product kills someone. In fact someone who knows that his product will kill someone, maybe already has, and doesn't give a damn.

The only thing which might work and it would be dangerous, unpleasant and illegal, would be to forcibly dry the person out and hope that if you succeeded, you could get them to seek pyschological help before they got hooked again. But even with all the risks involved for everyone concerned, I would say that route is still a long shot.

you can take my comments literally or figuratively but there is nothing like a sound beating to shake a friend up.

using either tactic, if you put them into the hospital, it might shake them up enough to wake up and start smelling the coffee, not the coke. love hurts man.

I have detoxed three friends...

2 of them are sober today and thank me for being an "angel on earth" and for helping them...
One is no longer here :-((
Nothing makes me feel better than knowing I saved some lives...
Nothing makes me feel worse than knowing I could have done more to save the one is gone...I have to live with that everyday

I had my own bout with Coke...and can tell you it's a very lonely place...

Usually you have to let them hit bottom. Just be there to pick them up.

question - the two you saved, did they ask for help?

Without reading all the posts, there is nothing you can do for your friend. If your friend is trying to be clean and calls you, be supported; some times it works

It's very difficult to see a dear friend, family or loved one chew up their lives willingly. Of all the people I know, there were a few options that helped, one was 'intervention' he was basically given one option & that was to go to rehab, driven within the hour - he's been clean for 20 years now. One was hearing his best friend died within 2 hours after he left him - it was a 'party night' & his friend ended up choking on his vomit. One was total abandonment from his family & friends - they didn't give him money, didn't give him any love, didn't feed him, pretended he didn't exist until he got help - he's now recovering.

The one that wasn't a success probably hurts me the most since I was the one who 'found him out' when I was 13 & told his mother that a few bags of coke fell out of his jacket. They didn't think anything of it (or thought that I was too young to understand what I saw). Twenty years & hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars later, he finally decided that his family didn't deserve the suffering he imposed on them & jumped out of a building in front of his family's eyes.

Whomever you are, no matter what brings you sadness, anger or frustration, get the help to deal with it - coke/heroine/crack are just a vicious cycle that will create other mountains you'll have to climb. Your family, your friends, your co-workers need you & believe you are worth the love & effort it will take to help you - start helping yourself by contacting someone for help. It feels so much better when you've overcome your obstacles with your brains & willpower.

Good luck.

tough luck but hopefully your friend gets thru this

that's fucked up.

i have an old friend who started doing coke, he's not the same person he used to be..

Dunno what I can say

sorry to hear .. this really is too bad

My family and I had to watch my sister's life fall apart from a cocaine addiction. It took her youth I think, and she would just disappear for weeks and months even and come back when she hit bottom.

I never turned her away and always was there for her. I love my sister with all my heart and I am happy to say that she beat that addiction and is cocaine free today.

Now she likes the pharm drugs and we are working on that. Addictive personalities will always find something to fill that need for addiction unfortunately.

There's the 3 'C's for friends/family of addicts

1 I didn't cause it
2 I can't control it
3 I can't cure it.

Fight them if you like, your friend must help himself. The only thing you can really do is not be there anymore. There are only a couple things that will make an addict take notice of what they are doing to themselves, one is when their friends and family take off because they don't want to be around them anymore.

Let me tell you Sleazy it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life...
Last year at Internext I met and spent the entire time with a model named Holly.

We became serious whether I cared to admit it or not, and while I knew she had a problem with pills I had no idea how bad it was.

It was one thing for me to be in a business who supports many a drug habit for these girls and while I got to know her pretty well I saw the little child in her that started to develop such hatred for men. I also found out she was hooking behind my back to support her habit and lying to everyone.

I caught her red handed and while I could have walked away , she cried out for help in a myriad of ways. I knew she was sinking fast and her lies and people were cathing up to her. She was extorting her johns for money and threatening to tell their wives of their affairs if she didn't get money - that's when I intervened. even though we were estranged I felt it was in my best interest to find her parents and let them know just how bad their daughter was. It turns out she was heavily into tweak as well...

I found her father, a professor at a local college here and made a very tough phone call- followed up by some emails. I think he was in utter shock and can tell the hurt and sadness he had that his little girl had turned into a "trick" for treats.

I can tell you that til this day not only does he thank me profusely for my intervention and help- she is calling me all the time wanting to see me and thank me for the new life I gave her.

She is now back in school, and doing well. She is 23 years old and while she though she'd have the scarlett letter on her chest of being a porno chick she now realizes her life is just beginning. Her life is no longer a numb existence.

It's just unfortunate how many people in this business didn't give a shit about her and just wanted to use the hell out of her because she was fucked up-

You all know who you are, and I don't need to mention names.
It was laughable to a lot of people that I'd want to help a "whore" get clean as they said...

However the thought of watching someone kill themself and being responsible by not saying anything hurt me more.

I have helped to save a few lives- and if anyone thinks I am not being sincere they should have seen a big webmaster in the industry who posted up here for a month trying to kick heroin.

That was the most awful sight I have ever seen in my life. He got so sick and had the chills and fever for weeks and i couldn't do anything but help feed him insures to stay alive.

It was a lot to bear and it almost drove me to a nervous breakdown, but the end result is he is alive and doing well today and I support him very much.

I also want to thank my friends' Aly Drummond and Jonathon Silverstein for sticking with me through a rough time over a year ago when I was a little out of control.

I know I am not an addict per se- but I do have an excessive side to me that sometimes gets the best of me.

The best friends are the one's who can tell you to slow the fuck down before it's too late.

Even though I have never said anything to either of them since thei mini- intervention they somehat gave me I do want to know that it meant a lot to me.

Sleazy- it takes a lot of compassion and a lot of balls to help someone out. Ultimately they need to know there is a better way.

Sleazy, I don't know what else you can do. I think there's some good suggestions in this thread, and I hope the person finds this thread and realizes how much you and everyone else here cares about them. We really are quite a tightly knit community, no matter what the keyboard jockeys like to play at.

I'm sure if one of us needed help, that all it would take is for them to ask, or to even let us know that they were open to ideas.

The reality is that someone can't/won't give up an addiction unless *THEY* make a determined decision to do so. So assuming that your friend doesn't want to give-up his drug habit at this time, your options are limited.

However, you could try getting a group of his closest friends together to talk to him about why his drug use is a problem using tangible examples (NOT a moralistic "drugs are bad" lecture!). This may give him an opportunity to see things from a different perspective and perhaps help convince him that he has a problem. If you can at least get him to acknowledge there's a problem that would be a big step.

Do you still have that letter? LOL.. I couldn't have had it any other way; you know that... And you know what... thanks for YOUR help.

I had a cousin who was hooked on crack, it was getting to the point that he would of ended up dead or in jail for this shit.

The only thing that cured him was a complete change of environment.... he moved from NY to England.... even then it was hard for him and took him a few years for the urge to be truly out of his system.

We should start to use our imagination instead of coke, heroin and shit. Imagination has no side-effects.

and its just as good or better

Really sad this to hear this man. Many say that he has to realize that he has a problem and then ask for help. MANY do not get this opportunity to realize that they need help and actually to ask. Usually for somebody to realize that they need help, something really bad has to happen to that person. Some of us are not that fortunate to survive and make it through that event that would be a turning point for us. I really hope whatever his turning point event would be, it would give him another chance at life. I wish you and him best of lucks. I say you get in contact with him in person, and get him in a room. Talk about what it is with him, and bring up the topic. Let him avoid it violently. If it gets out of control, let him know that if it will take for him to attack you in anyway to get you to help him, then that is what it will take. Things like this run deeper than anyword would. When somebody knows that you care about them so much, that you would actually sit there and be assaulted by them, he will eventually break down and give up. AT the same time, be very careful and try to remain safe during the whole thing. It is just a suggestion that would require a little more work.


Good Luck Sleazy.




-Greg

Nothing sucks more then seeing a friend throwing away his/her life away with cocaine, but there is only so much you can do.

I had some friends that did it, and one of them decided it was enough and went to rehab. The other was really destroying everything and so we put him in a house of a friend of mine, and he wasnt allowed to get out.

The first one lost his addiction in a month, and still thanks me for helping him out.

The 2nd one is mad about what we did to him, but he has a good life now and thats enough for me.

How did I quit cocaine? I went to my dealers at 4am to pickup a bag of coke. I pulled up and saw two black guys with nylons on their heads running towards my car. They put a gun to my head, stole my money and beat me to a pulp.

I am NOT very religous but I prayed to god that morning and have never touched the stuff since. I was always pist about coke before this even happened. I would be pist about the size of the bag or the quality or even the trouble getting a hold of my dealer. Coke is nothing but trouble. It will eat your money, health, mind and soul.

Amen.

Haven't yet read the whole thread so I don't know if this guy is doing well financially, but the way it goes usually is that the problem festers until the person's income stream is affected, they lose their job and their means to feed their habit deteriorates..... and eventually they have to find other ways of generating income.

These people will do ANYTHING to get drugs, and there is no length they won't go to, including breaking & entering, robbing their own friends and family. Nothing is sacred. If he knows you have some nice things in your home, well, I would keep a closer watch on things from now on is all.

How do I know this? One of my neices has been doing crack for a long time now, and her and her idiot husband broke into my sister's home just last week, stole stereo equipment and personal cheques. They were caught on camera at MoneyMart attempting to cash one of the cheques, forged of course. They have been arrested for it, and once again later in the week for B&E's on other homes. She has a great job with Revenue Canada but she has fucked her life good now, wouldn't be a bit surprised if she ended up losing her career. She was released after the arrest of course, so she is free to do more damage to our family or others.

Yes, be there for your friend, but whatever you do, do not, repeat do NOT ever give them money no matter what the circumstances. If they have small children they will use them as an excuse to get money from people who care. Give a user money and you become an enabler.

The only sure is that this person has a real friend that cares for him. What stocktrader23 said it's very true. These persons do not see how they hurt themselves and they take it easy, the bad thing is that with drugs like coke and heroine nothing is easy.

Personally I don't know how I would react if that person was a good friend or relative. Probably I would try to stress as much as possible the real deal behind the use of such drugs. I mean really give the message to the other person. When I was a young kid (usually the most dangerous period to get involved with these things here) my father took me for a walk where we went a met some guy he knew and was a heavy addicted heroine user. We sit in a coffee shop and the guy told me how he started, the problem he experienced with his family and job, how he wasn't able to stop after a while and how this whole fake trip destroyed his life. I can tell you, listening the experience from first hand is nothing close to what you can imagine. That guy's narration was a school for me.

impressive story.

i'm always shocked at how many people in this industry treat the women who pose for content.

I know the person I'm refering to has read this thread now, i can only pray they arn't in self denyal too deep to admit to their self what's going on. They need to get over the idea that drugs are a 'gift' and start realizing what kind of a trap they really are.

I believe a person needs to stand on their own two feet, as such they have to admit it to themself, not necesarily publically but at least privately to oneself. I have a life philosphy that goes 'for myself first, but if only me, who am I?"

if this person asks me, or any of their true friends for that matter - for help there is NO LIMIT in what i'd be willing to do for them, ( but I will not assist in enabling the problem like soooo many others around this person are doing even though they say they are the person's friends)- if they need a place to hide and dry out my home is open for any amount of time and my wallet will buy a plane ticket in a heartbeat. I live in a relitavly drug free enviroment without a lot of temptation. - but not living near where the person lives now there isn't a hell of a lot more i can do for this person other than let them know that's available.

I know this person has been able to pull themself out of a bad place before. They have one of the strongest minds i've ever known. The sadest thing I've ever sceen is seeing that mind go mushy.

it's easy to hang around people that make you feel good , but if you're only looking on the surface digging a little deeper into who you hang around might get ugly. Jman has a saying and I'm starting to believe it more and more these days. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."

Shit thats nasty. Sorry to hear that.

And never provide them any money

The relative-family issue works if the family isn't fucked up ...

Sometimes people don't have nobody to rely on .

and sometimes when their friends all leave them, it wakes them up .

You could take all his real friends and make them say to him :

Sorry but we don't want to see you until you are off this shit, but we love you and will take you back when you are straight.

i'm sure that would wake him up

Wait until he's fucked up everything and is short before being a bum on the street and help him to build up a new life then if he's willing to.The problem with cocaine addicts is that they're uber superior until they really fucked everything up.You tell them they have a problem and they act like "what the fuck man,I knew you were against me,I never needed you,blah...".If he doesn't get really down and sobers up there is no way you can help him.

i am an ex-coke head....i had a 1-2 ounce a week habit for almost 3 months, and the habit for over 8 months.....there is nothing anyone could have done, i had to crash and burn myself....but I knew the whole time what I was doing was wrong, i just couldn't stop.....

you just have to let them crash and burn...but when they do, be there for them

Dude thats like 8 grams a day!

Damn, this sucks. I'm helping my little brother recover from his addiction to Meth right now. He's living at my house. He wanted help, then he didn't, then he did, then he didn't... etc. I finally flew to 'Vegas, threatened to have him evicted from his apartment if he didn't come with me. Packed up his shit for him, and drove him to my house.

He can't go into rehab because he doesn't think he needs it. Programs will not accept anyone until the person is ready.

But what I've been doing is taking him everywhere with me and letting him see what real life is all about and realize what he can do. He's been clean for a week and a half now, with the exception of smoking some MJ last Friday.

Today he has 2 job interviews. Real life is helping him kick this. If he cleans himself up, he doesn't know it yet but I'll buy him a car and open up an office in a nearby college town that I've wanted to scout. I'll let him run the office for me and pay him more than he'll ever make working for anyone else.

Sometimes you have to take drastic measures. When I went to 'Vegas to pick him up we had our share of yelling matches. There were times I thought our fists were going to fly. There are still problems, of course, but there are WAY more good times than bad times. It's only been a few weeks total and I'm already very proud of the progress that's been made.

I'm hoping this isn't the person I'm thinking it is, but if I were you I'd go down there and try to force this person to come with you. All he can do is say no. I was in 'Vegas for 4 days and was unsure if he was going to come back with me or not until the day I left. But try. He'll know you're the person that never gave up on him and will love you for it when his head is finally clean.

feelin sorry for that. i advice u just keep him busy. it might work. good luck

You cannot make someone get sober....
I have seen some bad addicts in my day too...

I hate to say it but ALL OF THEM are in this business.

Scott,
Approach this situation pragmatically and scientifically. Emotions in this type of situation only serve to worsen the circumstances.

An addict is an addict is an addict. Be it beer, coffee or crack. The use of the drug of choice will progress and increase until death or sobriety.

Some drugs are more destructive than others obviously and a person can be addicted to pot and go all their lives relatively functionally and healthy.

Coke is NOT this way. Coke, chemically is an uptake inhibitor. It inhibits the brains ability to properly recycle dopamine. The brains natural reward system gets out of whack and an addict cannot experience emotional happiness in the same manner EVER again. The occurance of relapse in a cocaine addict is extremely high. And the long term affects of cocaine make this type of addict extremely hard to keep straight.

When a coke addict, in recovery or otherwise even thinks of cocaine the brains exhibits an almost pavlovian response and floods itself with dopamine. This is actually the craving, because the levels of dopamine are not high enough to satisfy the addict, but enough to make him want more.

What does this mean to you and your friend?

First, they MUST stop using. The flow of dope HAS to be interupted. In many cases if you can STOP the flow of dope for a day, a week, or more then you can get the addict to realize the effect it has had on them. Get them to stop for a period and then show them that reality is moving forward much like time while they are high. Show them the impact on their business. Their relationships, their pocket book, their friendships, etc. Show them the detriment of being high. Then get them to admit there is consequences to this. Sometimes its obvious and the splash of cold water can get them to admit the problem. You better HOPE so. Because if you cannot get them to realize the damage they have done at this point then they will proceed to rock bottom. But its not always a plunge. It could take years. Or a month.

THEN the only way to really mitigate the chance of a relapse is to remove ALL the triggers. As permanently as possible. And I'll tell you this...this industry is riddled with dope fiends, coke is a status drug, its gods way of telling you you have too much money. So if you get this person to realize his problem then the next step is to avoid shows, avoid contact with other users...the problem here is that if this person is in this industry doing well, they won't want to leave it.

So, as far as I can tell...you've got a doozy on your hands...my advice is to wash your hands of it. But I know you can't do that. Its not in your heart. And in that case guard your life, your heart and your cash.

No one drowns without trying to pull someone down with them.

If you need advice hit me up...you're gonne need support of your own if you intend to try and fight coke.

Perhaps they will read this post, and know that you give a shit !!

get him/her on a strict chronic only diet. no coke, no tweek, just chronic. I had a coke problem when i was 18 and got rid of it quick. It's all about mind over matter

The thing that got me to stop my "recreational drug use" was my best friend. On my birthday he got me all mangled as well as himself. So I'm having a great time and all of a sudden he gets all paranoid on crystal meth and tells me how he is going to break my fingers if I try to pickpocket him one more time. Then he ran around the club telling everybody how he pissed in his pants. None of that stuff was really going on, but he thought it was because he was so paranoid. Unfortunately the kid continued to do drugs for about another year until he went to a doctor and got prescription medication, but that birthday was the last night I ever touched anything. Sleazy, maybe you're friend just needs to understand how bad he or she looks by seeing somebody else act the same way that he or she does. Hope this helps, never lose hope!

yeah, i was pretty bad....i always did upwards of about 5 grams a day...and some nights I would do as much as a half ounce in one night...i was pretty bad...

i was selling coke at the time too, i would sell 2-4 ounces a week, and it would pay for my habit

that's a great fucking idea! usually works, I don't know why I didn't think of it

Ive lost alot of friends to drugs. Hell, everyone in my family went through that phase. Sometimes you just have to wait until they hit rock bottom before they relize they need help. Either that or they get arrested on drugs charges and goto jail.

Tell this person to view Mr. Mackey's message in my sig! That'll do the trick!

I had a friend who had a coke problem as well. And funny thing was we were still in HIGHSCHOOL! she was only 16..we use to smoke weed, i though that was kool and shit. But she started to do coke, and she got kicked out of school. I have no idea were she is now..

3 weeks ago the guy I have been dating for almost a year checked himself into rehab..it started years ago with X and coke then it went to pills....I watch as he fell apart. The lies the money the jobs lost and he would of denied what he was doing even if he was caught red handed...He has no family, but the closest to him treated him like shit and made him feel bad about himself which only made it worst.
I did very little but did not give up on him...tried to help him keep his life together and let him know that I cared and prayed he would find his way.
At some point you have to just walk away and wash your hands of it, but just make sure that person know that you are always there if they decide they want help..ONLY they can make that decision...i know avoiding is more embarrassment then anything else just try to stay in your friends face no matter how much they push you away..Good luck..if you ever want to talk hit me up!

There is nothing you can do to stop him, unless your his dealer

So, if you stopped selling him coke he would stop buying it? Wow. That's easy!

I hope this isn't who I'm thinking about but either way, if this person is a close friend, then I think you really need to be close with them throughout the recovery process. Of course they have to admit to the problem first but that's just one step. I think relapse will occur quite often if this person doesn't have a lot of close friends and support with them. So, if I were in your shoes, I'd either try to be there with them if they're close or at the least approach this person's other close friends and family where they live to try and help. They need to realize what this drug will ultimately do to them and you need to convince them there's much more to life than a quick fix. They need to appreciate the value of friends, family and what life has to offer without narcotics.

Best of luck to helping your friend Scott
WG

no, I'm saying he's probably in debt with his dealer and if he cut him off, he would be fucked

http://www.daytop.org/
http://www.na.org/

Hope this helps