PLEASE HELP - a friend of mine is destroying their life on Cocaine - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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SleazyDream

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PLEASE HELP - a friend of mine is destroying their life on Cocaine

08-16-2004, 07:34 PM

I have a friend who I love and adore that's got a definate drug problem. The person is using coke, possibly cryatal meth, and other pharms WAY TOO MUCH to be considered recretional in any sense of the term. I can understand letting loose and having a good time once in a while but this person was one of the SHARPEST minds I have ever known and recently acted like a complete idiot in public, and I wasn't the only one to notice. - I'm not talking about a late night party either - I'm talking about daytime - like before dinner. The person is destroying their life and it's easy to see how bad it is and that this will destroy the person within a few years if not sooner. It's already destroying their reputation, and reputation is the most valueable thing this person has. I'm not judging the person at all, all i want to do is help. I grew up in an AA family and I know you can't tell someone they have a problem, they have to do that themsleves - but it's pretty obvious there is a BIG problem when it starts to effect their work and when MANY people are talking about it, I know it's bad.

I want to help any way I can and I'd like some sugestions as to what I or any of this person's other friends can do- and I mean their TRUE friends - as this person has a LOT of true friends that care about this person - and not the friends that are enabling this problem and playing on the ego without really giving a shit what they are doing to the person.

I want this person to know I'm STILL their friend even though they are avoiding me like the plague now, and a big part of that I think is embarisment which shouldn't be a concern as I want the person to know I understand (probally a LOT more than they know or is willing to believe) and completly forgive them for everything and just want to be a friend. If there's anything I can do I'm willing to do it, but I know they have to ask and want help before I can do anything.

Understanding that- is there ANYTHING else I can do to help?

please........

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#2

08-16-2004, 07:34 PM

no, good idea.
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#3

08-16-2004, 07:36 PM

wow... Dude their isnt much you can do... Just be there for them.. They have to make the descion on their own.
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#4

08-16-2004, 07:36 PM

good luck and doubtfull.

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#5

08-16-2004, 07:37 PM

Originally posted by Headless
wow... Dude their isnt much you can do... Just be there for them.. They have to make the descion on their own.

Agreed.

Unfortunately until they stop using for themselves its not going to be easy for you or them.

Just make sure that when the time comes you are there to support them.

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#6

08-16-2004, 07:37 PM

cocaine is a rough one to break.

have seen friends go through lots of money that way.

good luck man.

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#7

08-16-2004, 07:38 PM

they're lucky to have someone who cares about them..

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#8

08-16-2004, 07:39 PM

Unless they want to quit there isn't much you can do.I have been there and done that with a ex. Tried detox and methadone and basically wasted 25 k trying to help her.. I finally gave up and let her deal with it...she died 4 months after I broke up with her of a overdose of coke and heroin

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#9

08-16-2004, 07:40 PM

shit, i hope it's not who i think it is

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#10

08-16-2004, 07:41 PM

There is not a thing you can do except offer the help you are capable of giving such as an open ear, someone he can go to for moral support and someoen to encourage him in good endevours.

however I suggest you don't let this dude in your home until he cleans up his act or it could ruin your friendship. Someone jonesin can do fucked up things to best buds even. Steal, fight and lie. Old friend of mine went the way of Heroin and I won't let him in my home anymore because he steals and lies too much and lets everyone else cover up his messes when he gets thrown in jail.
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#11

08-16-2004, 07:41 PM

there is nothing you can do.
he has to want to stop.
trust me.
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#12

08-16-2004, 07:42 PM

You can not force the person to stop. There is not much you can do except let them know they have a problem.

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#13

08-16-2004, 07:43 PM

Originally posted by spunky1
Unless they want to quit there isn't much you can do.I have been there and done that with a ex. Tried detox and methadone and basically wasted 25 k trying to help her.. I finally gave up and let her deal with it...she died 4 months after I broke up with her of a overdose of coke and heroin

Oh man, that's gotta be tough. Most would blame themselves losing a loved one. Hope you don't man
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#14

08-16-2004, 07:44 PM

Don't listen to anyone that says they have to figure it out for themselves. While it's true they won't stop using until they decide to in their mind they aren't doing anything that is wrong. They don't see how badly they treat others and how much they are fucking up their lives and causing pain to those around them. Hell, they don't even remember most of the shit they do.

Sit down with them if you get a chance and explain to them that they are affecting others around them as well as ruining their own life. You may have to drill it in their head for months but sometimes they will come around and listen enough to at least take the steps to start getting help.

Not much else you can say, drugs are a bitch when abused. Hopefully your friend can turn it around before it's too late.

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#15

08-16-2004, 07:44 PM

Sleazy,

Addictions happen when people loose control of their relationship with pain. We all experience pain, but some of us lose faith in our ability to transcend it, and get trapped in cycles of denial. Ask yourself, what is the difficult truth my friend is using cocaine to forget? Help them find the courage to face whatever that is. Cocaine is the "I can't do it" Yin to the "Maybe I can" Yang. A friend MAY turn the tide. Otherwise, standback, do your best to avert total catastrophe, and wait for a turning point.

j-

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#16

08-16-2004, 07:44 PM

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#17

08-16-2004, 07:44 PM

Tough one ...
Unfortunately you can never trust them now.

That drug of choice - and there are many (food, coffee,cigs, booze) is so strong it can take a person with low self esteem over INSTANTLY !!
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#18

08-16-2004, 07:45 PM

Out them, name names. Public humiliation may help.
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#19

08-16-2004, 07:45 PM

I have many friends in the same situation and seen many go down that road. You can't do much but let them know you are concerned and that you are there for them. Don't judge them or push your beliefs on them or they will resent you and hide the problem from you.

Just be there for them when it comes time and they ask for help.

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#20

08-16-2004, 07:45 PM

Nothing you can do bro.... Sad but true.

One must realize this themself

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#21

08-16-2004, 07:47 PM

I went through the same thing with a friend earlier this year. The avoidance part was the hardest thing to overcome, as this person also avoided me and their work like the plague. In my case, it seems that persistence paid off. I constantly reminded this person what they were doing to their life and career. Once this person finally admitted that there was a problem, the resolution seemed to come shortly thereafter.

I wish you luck.

Last edited by frankfortuna; 08-16-2004, 07:50 PM.
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#22

08-16-2004, 07:48 PM

Try writing a letter. Letter can be very effective.

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#23

08-16-2004, 07:50 PM

It's alwasy a new excuse why they need money.

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#24

08-16-2004, 07:51 PM

best bet would be to admit them into a rehab program perferably somewhere far a few hours from where they're located a friend of mine went to one in PA and it changed his life i definately think it had a lot to do with the fact that he wasn't around the people and the scene

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#25

08-16-2004, 07:53 PM

Originally posted by iwantchixx
Oh man, that's gotta be tough. Most would blame themselves losing a loved one. Hope you don't man

Yes I took it hard.but I was tired of hearing "I want to quit" I tried my hardest by buying her the medication so she wouldn't do it.Tried the professional counselling,tried even detox,but in detox the junkies get drugs and found it to be a complete farce.Unless they have a near death experience or something ,I don't know what else to suggest.The lies and the stealing was really what finally made me say fuck this shit.And unfortunately many people say the same and let them deal with it by themselves

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#26

08-16-2004, 07:54 PM

Originally posted by 2HousePlague
Sleazy,

Addictions happen when people loose control of their relationship with pain. We all experience pain, but some of us lose faith in our ability to transcend it, and get trapped in cycles of denial. Ask yourself, what is the difficult truth my friend is using cocaine to forget? Help them find the courage to face whatever that is. Cocaine is the "I can't do it" Yin to the "Maybe I can" Yang. A friend MAY turn the tide. Otherwise, standback, do your best to avert total catastrophe, and wait for a turning point.

j-

i think you hit the nail on the head. problem is the person is totally avoiding me now and won't talk to me.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#27

08-16-2004, 07:55 PM

Originally posted by speakthetruth
Out them, name names. Public humiliation may help.

I would NEVER do that to this person.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#28

08-16-2004, 07:57 PM

Originally posted by wtfent
Try writing a letter. Letter can be very effective.

ummm, what the fuck is this? I know the peron will read this....

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#29

08-16-2004, 07:57 PM

It took a near fatal overdose for me to stop doing coke, but I've been clean for 16 years no...

You have to show tough love and ignore them when they have a problem. This is easier said than done, but you have to let them all on their own...then be there to pick them up...it's not easy and it won't get an easier.

I've been clean 16 years, but it's still something I think about and deal with every day (especially during times when I'm down or depressed or just need a pik me up).

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#30

08-16-2004, 08:01 PM

Originally posted by SleazyDream
i think you hit the nail on the head. problem is the person is totally avoiding me now and won't talk to me.

Switch the subject of conversation from cocaine to whatever the SOURCE of PAIN is, and you will find them much more receptive. Nobody likes to be preached to, but everybody likes empathy. A talk that begins with "I know how you feel..." is very different from "I'm worried about you...". The first case creates a common ground, the second sets you above them. Smart people, especially, are very reluctant to admit they are not in control. Work on creating empathy, share your own addictions, until you are speaking to them from a level they recognize.

j-

tada!
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#31

08-16-2004, 08:01 PM

Originally posted by SykkBoy2
It took a near fatal overdose for me to stop doing coke, but I've been clean for 16 years no...

You have to show tough love and ignore them when they have a problem. This is easier said than done, but you have to let them all on their own...then be there to pick them up...it's not easy and it won't get an easier.

I've been clean 16 years, but it's still something I think about and deal with every day (especially during times when I'm down or depressed or just need a pik me up).

i'm doing that now. I've decided to stop initiating any contact unless the person contacts me.

All I can do is let the person know I'm there for them when they're ready to come out if it and face their emotional baggage and stop repressing it- and hopefully this person doesn't DIE first or destroy their career as that's becomeing a real concern now with the path they are on.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#32

08-16-2004, 08:03 PM

Tough call dude, I think you already know what to do. You just have to make the hard decision to do it.

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#33

08-16-2004, 08:04 PM

Originally posted by SleazyDream
i'm doing that now. I've decided to stop initiating any contact unless the person contacts me.

All I can do is let the person know I'm there for them when they're ready to come out if it and face their emotional baggage and stop repressing it- and hopefully this person doesn't DIE first or destroy their career as that's becomeing a real concern now with the path they are on.

exactly
it's a long, hard road ahead and it'll probably get worse before it gets better
it sucks, but addiction is a bitch

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#34

08-16-2004, 08:05 PM

Originally posted by 2HousePlague
Switch the subject of conversation from cocaine to whatever the SOURCE of PAIN is, and you will find them much more receptive. Nobody likes to be preached to, but everybody likes empathy. A talk that begins with "I know how you feel..." is very different from "I'm worried about you...". The first case creates a common ground, the second sets you above them. Smart people, especially, are very reluctant to admit they are not in control. Work on creating empathy, share your own addictions, until you are speaking to them from a level they recognize.

j-

done that - i actually know what the problem is and they completly deny and avoid that topic engergtically. The person does not want to talk about it at all - thus the drugs to repress it.

I think i even know why to be honest, simple psychology suggests some tramma in the person's past that was never dealth with properly and repressed for many years. Discussing this topic brings up that repression and thus the internal conflict.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#35

08-16-2004, 08:06 PM

Originally posted by 2HousePlague
Switch the subject of conversation from cocaine to whatever the SOURCE of PAIN is, and you will find them much more receptive. Nobody likes to be preached to, but everybody likes empathy. A talk that begins with "I know how you feel..." is very different from "I'm worried about you...". The first case creates a common ground, the second sets you above them. Smart people, especially, are very reluctant to admit they are not in control. Work on creating empathy, share your own addictions, until you are speaking to them from a level they recognize.

j-

this is great advice as well
shortly after my overdose I did a school tour giving drug talks and found I could reach kids deeper than a teach or cop giving a lecture....

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#36

08-16-2004, 08:06 PM

It's very fucking hard to do, very hard. I did get one of my friends off Cocke altought at times I gave up a few times, but I had hope! And I'm so happy, it was one of the hardest things to do.

Try to ISOLATE him, make him feel ALONE!
I really cant tell u how i did because I tried 1000 things in those 4 months! And yeah this guy was hooked. Doing it every single day and thats all he was doing! Nothing else!
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#37

08-16-2004, 08:11 PM

drugs are cool and you shouldn't stick your nose into others peoples business...

well at least that is what I read here on another thread about drug use in the industry ;)

good seein' ya sleazy... I honestly hope this wakes up alot of other people who are in denial before they become a statistic as well...

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#38

08-16-2004, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by SleazyDream
done that - i actually know what the problem is and they completly deny and avoid that topic engergtically. The person does not want to talk about it at all - thus the drugs to repress it.

I think i even know why to be honest, simple psychology suggests some tramma in the person's past that was never dealth with properly and repressed for many years. Discussing this topic brings up that repression and thus the internal conflict.

All I can say is, find the way to "be an addict with them". An addict can only bear the company of other addicts. What you want to be is the person they turn to when they want to "get high" -- maybe you can suggest less destructive "drugs", like adrenaline, the exhiliration of staring at something terrifying in the face, etc.

j-

tada!
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#39

08-16-2004, 08:14 PM

That's cool that you really want to help. I guess some night or day when you are partying, you should just be out recording stuff, and get him on tape acting like this, showing how bad it is, say nothing at the time, and a week later, just hand him the tape and say nothing, let him watch it when he is acting normal some night and seems to be straight. One night when he watches it, he may just really see himself and how it looks to everyone around him. It's kinda of like when we all get drunk and drink a lot, we think we are fun type of personality, but when you hear about people seeing themselves on tape drunk it's a total reality check. I flipped over to Oprah for like 10 minutes a few months ago, they did a story on a lot of women that had a few drinks, they all watched themselves on tape while taking the breathlizer, they all suddenly saw that they were too drunk to drive, and when they watched it the next day, they said you know I actually would have driven, I felt fine, or I thought, that day.

These women did a 180 change when they all saw this, it's something to see I suppose, but I guess you have to see it, to believe it.

I wish you the best man.
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#40

08-16-2004, 08:15 PM

Its sucks when it happens to someone you care let them know your there and willing to help. When he comes around if should I say be there for him and don't hold it againts them. To often friendship in this world isn't unconditional...

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#41

08-16-2004, 08:16 PM

Originally posted by 2HousePlague
All I can say is, find the way to "be an addict with them". An addict can only bear the company of other addicts. What you want to be is the person they turn to when they want to "get high" -- maybe you can suggest less destructive "drugs", like adrenaline, the exhiliration of staring at something terrifying in the face, etc.

j-

no fucking way am I ever doing coke - even once.

problem is the person doesn't live anywhere near me - after convention time I won't see them again for probally months - unless the person asks me to come visit - under that circumstance I'd hope a plane tomorrow for them - but other than that - my hands feel tied.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#42

08-16-2004, 08:17 PM

There is always a reason behind an addiction. One of my friends started doing that to lose weight (he was really, really overweight) and he almost ODed.. He kept taking cocaine to lose weight. We were able to find the true reasons after noticing a change in his behavior and how fast he was losing weight. So we were able to talk about it and help him. But we were very, very lucky.

Last edited by NoCarrier; 08-16-2004, 08:19 PM.
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#43

08-16-2004, 08:20 PM

Originally posted by HighRoller
That's cool that you really want to help. I guess some night or day when you are partying, you should just be out recording stuff, and get him on tape acting like this, showing how bad it is, say nothing at the time, and a week later, just hand him the tape and say nothing, let him watch it when he is acting normal some night and seems to be straight. One night when he watches it, he may just really see himself and how it looks to everyone around him. It's kinda of like when we all get drunk and drink a lot, we think we are fun type of personality, but when you hear about people seeing themselves on tape drunk it's a total reality check. I flipped over to Oprah for like 10 minutes a few months ago, they did a story on a lot of women that had a few drinks, they all watched themselves on tape while taking the breathlizer, they all suddenly saw that they were too drunk to drive, and when they watched it the next day, they said you know I actually would have driven, I felt fine, or I thought, that day.

These women did a 180 change when they all saw this, it's something to see I suppose, but I guess you have to see it, to believe it.

I wish you the best man.

you know - some of the behaviour WAS on tape and I think the person will see it and see just how much of an idiot they really were.

the person even seriously embarised me publically- and let me put it this way - with what was done - if it was ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE - other than this person I would have DESTROYED them for what happened - and I know I'm FULLY capable of doing that too. This is one of the few people I consider a real and true friend and I give this person leeway on matters like this cause i know what they are going though and i KNOW if the situation was reversed this person would have done the same for me no matter how much it hurt.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#44

08-16-2004, 08:21 PM

sleazey, there truly is nothing you can do until that person realizes they have a problem and wants to help themself.

I have been through this with 3 very close friends in their life and the years and time and energy I spent helping them was for shit. They eventually quit but it really took hitting rock bottom and alot of pain and anguish before this happened.

I do know how you want to help, its hard when you care for the person and know their potential.

good luck
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#45

08-16-2004, 08:24 PM

Originally posted by SleazyDream
no fucking way am I ever doing coke - even once.

problem is the person doesn't live anywhere near me - after convention time I won't see them again for probally months - unless the person asks me to come visit - under that circumstance I'd hope a plane tomorrow for them - but other than that - my hands feel tied.

I don't mean do coke. I mean reveal that which, for you, is like cocaine. We all have something we turn to when the balance tips. If you want to be let in, you have to show them you don't see yourself as superior, that you are a "FEELER of PAIN", just like them. What would happen if you called and said to them "Help ME, I feel MYSELF slipping..." ???

j-

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#46

08-16-2004, 08:24 PM

I would say to your friend exactly what you said in your post. Express your feelings of concern, love and and unconditional support. And if this person is avoiding you, then write him a letter. Let him know that you are aware of the fact that he has a problem, and you are only concerned about his welfare and will do anything to help him, not judge him or shame him. He may initially get angry at you, but that is part of addiction, along with the denial this disease brings.
It may take a while for this seed to develop into something, but the odds are he is very aware that he has a "problem". And the odds are he is sick and tired of living like he is, since the cycle of addiction is a fucking hell in itself.

That's really all you can do. Sounds like you know this disease well...perhaps he has family that would step in and do an intervention, but that doesn't always work either. I really hope he gets treatment soon, as we say...the end result of this disease is jails, institutions or death.

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SleazyDream

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#47

08-16-2004, 08:25 PM

Originally posted by 2HousePlague
I don't mean do coke. I mean reveal that which, for you, is like cocaine. We all have something we turn to when the balance tips. If you want to be let in, you have to show them you don't see yourself as superior, that you are a "FEELER of PAIN", just like them. What would happen if you called and said to them "Help ME, I feel MYSELF slipping..." ???

j-

good idea.....

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Now read without the word dog.
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SleazyDream

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#48

08-16-2004, 08:26 PM

Originally posted by MT_Butterfly
I would say to your friend exactly what you said in your post. Express your feelings of concern, love and and unconditional support. And if this person is avoiding you, then write him a letter. Let him know that you are aware of the fact that he has a problem, and you are only concerned about his welfare and will do anything to help him, not judge him or shame him. He may initially get angry at you, but that is part of addiction, along with the denial this disease brings.
It may take a while for this seed to develop into something, but the odds are he is very aware that he has a "problem". And the odds are he is sick and tired of living like he is, since the cycle of addiction is a fucking hell in itself.

That's really all you can do. Sounds like you know this disease well...perhaps he has family that would step in and do an intervention, but that doesn't always work either. I really hope he gets treatment soon, as we say...the end result of this disease is jails, institutions or death.

i know the person will read this and will know it's them the moment they read it.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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rhon23

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#49

08-16-2004, 08:27 PM

understandable that you do not want your friend to hit rock bottom. Go to them, take them to a meeting. Try an intervention.
I am surrounded by drugs and partying all the time. Its the nature of where I live. But all of my friends know I am clean and sober and I actually get much respect for being who I am and have had friends turn to me for that reason.
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abyss_al

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#50

08-16-2004, 08:28 PM

take him camping for a week or more..maybe more, away ffomr the drugs, and stand by him as he goes through the phases and keep his mind off of it... no car no phone, keep him away.

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