LOL: my advice to presidential candidates George W. Bush and John Kerry

Today I would like to offer my advice to presidential candidates George W. Bush and John Kerry on balancing the Federal budget:
[list=1][*]Eliminate Social Security: Let me take you through a very simple logic exercise. You work...you earn...you eat. You don?t work...you don?t earn...you croak. Don?t like it? SAVE!
[*]Eliminate Welfare: At least old people are senile and drive slowly. What?s your excuse you single mother of 10? Let me take you through a very simple economics exercise: 12 pack of Trojan Pleasure Mesh (my favorite): $8.25. 18 years of supporting your bastard misfit: MUCH MUCH MORE!!!
[*]Close down Public Schooling: We?ve tried, we?ve failed. It?s time to move on. Those who are truly driven to learn can do so free of charge from countless sources. Let?s put part of the funding into honing the skills kids really need. Carjacking/Reflexes can be practiced with Grand Theft Auto while the intricacies of Human-Computer Interaction (HCI) can be learned from any decent porn site. Welcome to 2004.
[*]Eliminate Amtrak: What does mommy bird (The Fed) do when it pushes little bird (Amtrak) out of the nest and little bird falls? Nothing because, hopefully, little bird falls to its death
[*]Eliminate the office of Vice-President: I say this grudgingly because Monkey thinks John Edwards is dreamy. But what the devil does the Veep do all day to earn his $202,900/year? What do you all say we put someone on call for when the pres gets shot or the senate ties?
[*]Confiscate Canada: I?m not sure the Canadians appreciate how much we do for them. Isn?t it time we remind them who owns North America? This brings me to my next point:
[*]Re-Instate Slavery: We can begin with the newly-confiscated Province of Quebec. Nobody likes the French, much less some French-speaking wannabe aristocrats. Shut up all the reparationists with their very own Quebecker butler/slave.
[*]Outlaw Fast Food: With the monsterous cheeseburger black market such a law would generate, along with all of the resulting police jobs and enforcement dollars, I?m surprised Burger King hasn?t yet been "mobbed-up."
[*]Eliminate the Prison System: What good is it really? It simply serves as an apprentice program for newly-minted criminals They want to be aggressive? Send them to the military. They want to cheat and steal? Send them into Congress.
[*]And the number one way to save federal tax dollars: Compulsory Parental Licensing I?m sorry but a pair of functional genitals does not a good and viable offspring make. Fewer misfits means fewer mouths that can?t feed themselves means fewer criminals means fewer welfare recipients...etc. Shuddup. You had no problem taking a driver?s test did you?[/list=1]

Just remember, all you free-loading, child-popping, McDonald?s-eating bastards, your days are numbered.