THIS is the kind of friend I am...

... to my friends.

Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!

1. When you are sad,... I will get you drunk and will help you
plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue,... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, ... I'll know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared, ... I will rag you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried,... I will tell you horrible stories
about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused,... I will use small words to explain.

7. When you are sick,... stay away from me until you're well again.
I don't want whatever the fuck you have.

8. When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


This is my oath, I pledge 'til the end.
Why you may ask?
Because you're my friend!

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will
help you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.