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I have offered for him to spend the whole day with them here. I thought I made that clear in my initial post, but if not, I apologize. In fact, he's welcome to spend ANY day, all day, with them here. He knows that.
I will likely take the suggestion that I call his family by calling his sister and just asking her to keep a close eye on the girls while they are down at Poppy's. That does help most of my safety concerns.
I am trying to put my kids' safety first here. That is paramount to anyone's feelings, and everyone's rights.
Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that I have done my best to put the shambles of a family we had back together. I want them to have a good relationship with their dad. I want it for him as much as for them. I don't hate him. I still love him, actually, but I just can't live the way it was with him. I don't want my kids to miss out on a moment with him, but it is more important that I make sure they are safe than I be fair. I don't make accusations just to justify being bitter. Anyone who can assume that after everything I've said is seeing things colored by a chip on their own shoulder. I have valid reasons for my fears, and when I explain them, then I get attacked for them, too.
It's obvious that some of the fathers who have responded here defend their right to father vigorously, and I welcome that. But not every father is safe for his kids to be around. If you ignore that, you are really seeing the world with blinders. Not every dad puts his kids first. Some dads would rather get high then be a good father, and that is why I asked him to leave. Did you ever consider that HE is doing this to get back at ME? I'm not saying he is..but it's at least as possible as the scenarios some of you have suggested.
I'm not a wicked bitch like some of you have assumed I am because I didn't just throw my kids to the wolves. I would love nothing more than for him to get his shit straight, and take the kids every other weekend, and take GOOD care of them, like they deserve. I have gone over and above in trying to keep the connection between them strong...I bought him a webcam so they can see each other when they talk on the phone...I nixed my plans to move this summer because I don't want to interfere with him building a strong relationship with them...I drive the kids to see him when he can't get out to see me. I'm the one he calls when he gets in trouble, and I'm the one who always helps him pick up the pieces. When he got arrested last month..it was me he kept calling, and it was me who picked him up. When he lost his wallet, it was me who loaned him money. So just because you had a bitter divorce, or know of people who have, doesn't mean I do. This is the first problem we've had since the separation, and it is not about the child support. It's about my kids' safety.
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