Joke Thread... Post em if ya got em

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • SS396chevelleSS
    Confirmed User
    • Mar 2004
    • 1692

    #1

    Joke Thread... Post em if ya got em

    Ill start it out... keep em coming


    A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The
    officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour,
    sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it
    on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs
    calibrating."


    Not looking up from her knitting the wife says
    sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know
    that this car doesn't have cruise control."

    As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
    and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

    The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be thankful your
    radar detector went off when it did."

    As the officer makes out the s! econd ticket for the illegal radar
    detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
    clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

    The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing
    your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

    The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
    off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of
    my back pocket."

    The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have

    your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

    And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
    to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

    The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband
    always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

    "Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
    Check out these awesome Blue Lights from KryptonBulbs.com Blue Headlights Great prices... Hyperwhites Better then SilverStars

    Sextoys Dildos vibrators and sex toy novelties
  • reynold
    Too lazy to set a custom title
    • Oct 2002
    • 51271

    #2
    Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
    "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

    "Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

    "How long did it take you?"

    "Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month

    Comment

    • reynold
      Too lazy to set a custom title
      • Oct 2002
      • 51271

      #3
      Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
      They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings

      Comment

      • reynold
        Too lazy to set a custom title
        • Oct 2002
        • 51271

        #4
        My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully inadequate, that evolution laughs at you and promises that your male offspring will also be cursed with your ridiculous nubbin -- thus dooming your DNA!
        My genitals are so sweetly intoxicating, I was able to convince Cornel West and Camille Paglia to violently disrobe and vigorously copulate with me in a Chablis-fueled, mind-bending threesome that made the seraphim in paradise blush with a mixture of shame and desire!

        My genitals are so leviathan that Ahab himself, if he were rendered a non-fictional creature, would surely stand upon his masts crows nest and lob mighty harpoons at me!

        If the teaming masses were to behold my juggernaut-like genitals, surely Marx's concept of the End of History would be nigh.

        My genitals are of such behemoth proportions, it is to the world of genitalia what Noam Chomsky is to the study of global activism!

        My genitals are so mammoth in size, that if inches were words, my member could fill every page of one of Ayn Rand's epic Objectivist tomes!

        A fine 1997 Chateau-La Cardonne Bordeaux would go well with my robust and flavorful genitals, even after the third helping!

        My genitals are so bursting with sexual magnetism, I could single-handedly seduce and defile the entire lesbian population of Sarah Lawrence University!

        My genitals bloat with such passionate force, that upon arousal, I barely have enough epidermis to purse my lips so that I may recite Shelley's immortal poem "Ozymandias"!

        If Philip Glass wrote an ambient opera in honor of my genitals, the title of the epic collection of random notes and sounds would be "Phantasmagoric Ode To Big Dong Number Five."!

        Hemingway''''s lost book about my genitals began thusly: "His organ was big."

        My virility is so profoundly cosmic, that in the event that every human male were to cease to be, my limitless supplies of genetically super-human semen could impregnate the remaining female population, thus siring a perfect race of confident, and impressively endowed men!

        Tired Freudian references aside - your mother played my mighty skin flute like a surf crowned sea nymph trying to rouse Poseidon from his watery slumber!

        Kurt Anderson secretly admires the cultural relevancy of my genitals, which have supplied artists and writers alike the inspiration needed to create great American works, and this admiration turned to sour envy when he ignored my zippered muse and wrote that appalling "Turn of the Century" that many have mistakenly referred to as a "novel"!

        So colossal are my genitals, that they compelled Stephen Hawking to theorize that my sexual gravity is such that a tablespoon of it would weigh more than an entire LA club full of amorous, cocaine-addled, Prada-clad Casanovas!

        My genitals are comparable to Harvard University?s endowment - both are the largest of their kind, both are institutions that demand the respect of academics and undergraduate trollops, and both cannot be seen or used by anyone of low birth or intelligence, unless they work very hard to prove they are worthy.

        Comment

        • reynold
          Too lazy to set a custom title
          • Oct 2002
          • 51271

          #5
          last one here...

          What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears?
          Dinner at Hooters.

          Comment

          • hova
            Traffillionaire
            • Jan 2002
            • 22430

            #6
            http://traffillions.com/

            Sign up and get lifetime revshare on your traffic

            Comment

            • CDSmith
              Too lazy to set a custom title
              • May 2001
              • 51460

              #7
              Little Johnny is passing his parents'
              bedroom in the middle of the night, in
              search of a glass of water. Hearing
              a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks
              in and catches his folks in The Act.
              Before dad can even react, Little Johnny
              exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy,
              can I ride on your back?"

              Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not
              asking more uncomfortable questions,
              and seeing the opportunity not to break
              his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and
              daddy starts going to town.

              Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and
              gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on
              tight, Daddy! This is the part where
              me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
              Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!

              ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!!

              Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket.
              ICQ me at: 31024634

              Comment

              • reynold
                Too lazy to set a custom title
                • Oct 2002
                • 51271

                #8
                hey SS396chevelleSS want more???

                Comment

                • Manowar
                  jellyfish  
                  • Dec 2003
                  • 71528

                  #9
                  Originally posted by CDSmith
                  Little Johnny is passing his parents'
                  bedroom in the middle of the night, in
                  search of a glass of water. Hearing
                  a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks
                  in and catches his folks in The Act.
                  Before dad can even react, Little Johnny
                  exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy,
                  can I ride on your back?"

                  Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not
                  asking more uncomfortable questions,
                  and seeing the opportunity not to break
                  his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and
                  daddy starts going to town.

                  Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and
                  gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on
                  tight, Daddy! This is the part where
                  me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

                  Comment

                  • reynold
                    Too lazy to set a custom title
                    • Oct 2002
                    • 51271

                    #10
                    Ways to tell someone their fly is open.

                    20. The cucumber has left the salad.
                    19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
                    18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
                    17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
                    16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
                    15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
                    14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
                    13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
                    12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
                    11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
                    10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
                    9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
                    8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
                    7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
                    6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
                    5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
                    4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
                    3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
                    2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
                    1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

                    Comment

                    • reynold
                      Too lazy to set a custom title
                      • Oct 2002
                      • 51271

                      #11
                      New inventions by blondes

                      The water-proof towel
                      Glow in the dark sunglasses
                      Solar powered flashlights
                      Submarine screen doors
                      A book on how to read
                      Inflatable dart boards
                      A dictionary index
                      Powdered water
                      Pedal powered wheel chairs
                      Water proof tea bags
                      Watermelon seed sorter
                      Zero proof alchohol
                      Reusable ice cubes
                      See through tiolet tissue
                      Skinless bananas
                      Do it yourself roadmap
                      Helicopter ejector seat

                      Comment

                      • reynold
                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                        • Oct 2002
                        • 51271

                        #12
                        Why don't witches wear panties?
                        Better grip on the broom.

                        Comment

                        • AGF
                          Confirmed User
                          • Jul 2004
                          • 971

                          #13
                          Originally posted by CDSmith
                          Little Johnny is passing his parents'
                          bedroom in the middle of the night, in
                          search of a glass of water. Hearing
                          a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks
                          in and catches his folks in The Act.
                          Before dad can even react, Little Johnny
                          exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy,
                          can I ride on your back?"

                          Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not
                          asking more uncomfortable questions,
                          and seeing the opportunity not to break
                          his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and
                          daddy starts going to town.

                          Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and
                          gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on
                          tight, Daddy! This is the part where
                          me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

                          lol this one is funny
                          SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                          Comment

                          • AGF
                            Confirmed User
                            • Jul 2004
                            • 971

                            #14
                            Top Ten Things Overheard In Line At The Clinton Book Signing


                            10. I've never been to a book signing at hooters before

                            9. Hey Gore, bring up some more books from the basement

                            8. Mr. President, do you know that woman under the table?

                            7. Could you make it out to Gennifer with a 'G'?

                            6. Look, Ken Starr...nah, I'm just messin' with you

                            5. This long line is the result of a vast right-wing conspiracy

                            4. Those aren't secret service agents - - those are Hillary's people keeping an eye on him

                            3. He's a lot more bubbaish in person

                            2. How come they're moving all the good-looking women to the front of the line?

                            1. I just pray he signs it with a pen
                            SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                            Comment

                            • AGF
                              Confirmed User
                              • Jul 2004
                              • 971

                              #15
                              Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
                              cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
                              live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
                              to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
                              all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

                              The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
                              apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
                              shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
                              face or you'll be eaten."

                              The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
                              in pain, so he was killed.

                              The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
                              king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
                              should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
                              ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

                              The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
                              asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
                              second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
                              coming with pineapples."
                              SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                              Comment

                              • AGF
                                Confirmed User
                                • Jul 2004
                                • 971

                                #16
                                One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
                                local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
                                husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
                                embarrassing. What should I do?"

                                "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
                                I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
                                motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
                                good poke in the leg."

                                In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
                                this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
                                ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

                                "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
                                hatpin.

                                "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
                                Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
                                your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
                                Mrs. Jones.

                                "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

                                "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
                                Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
                                notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
                                motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
                                husband with the hatpin again.

                                The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
                                him his 99th son?"

                                Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
                                goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
                                and shove it up your ass!"

                                "Amen," replied the congregation.
                                SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                Comment

                                • AGF
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Jul 2004
                                  • 971

                                  #17
                                  Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

                                  A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
                                  dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
                                  girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
                                  like to go out and make love for the first time.

                                  Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
                                  he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
                                  pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
                                  everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

                                  At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
                                  he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
                                  insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
                                  busy, it being his first time and all.

                                  That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
                                  meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
                                  meet my parents, come on in!"

                                  The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
                                  girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
                                  and bows his head.

                                  A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
                                  head down.

                                  10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

                                  Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
                                  leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
                                  were this religious."

                                  The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
                                  a pharmacist."
                                  SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                  Comment

                                  • Firehorse
                                    Desire it and have it!!!
                                    • Apr 2002
                                    • 30767

                                    #18
                                    Thanks for the laughs!
                                    MySweetEbony

                                    Comment

                                    • Firehorse
                                      Desire it and have it!!!
                                      • Apr 2002
                                      • 30767

                                      #19
                                      A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question." ~Author Unknown
                                      MySweetEbony

                                      Comment

                                      • CE_BigB
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Oct 2003
                                        • 1292

                                        #20
                                        How do you tell it is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house...??








                                        ... when the big hand touches the lil hand !!!




                                        BIG B


                                        NOW PAYING:
                                        $25 per FREE TRIAL signup
                                        $1.30 per email (No Deductions)
                                        CECash - Trusted & Paying since 1996!
                                        email: bigb at cecash dot com
                                        ICQ 36966649

                                        Comment

                                        • Firehorse
                                          Desire it and have it!!!
                                          • Apr 2002
                                          • 30767

                                          #21
                                          Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. ~Bob Rubin
                                          MySweetEbony

                                          Comment

                                          • Firehorse
                                            Desire it and have it!!!
                                            • Apr 2002
                                            • 30767

                                            #22
                                            Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988

                                            Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. ~Woody Allen

                                            Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. ~Author Unknown

                                            When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown
                                            MySweetEbony

                                            Comment

                                            • Firehorse
                                              Desire it and have it!!!
                                              • Apr 2002
                                              • 30767

                                              #23
                                              Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~Butch Hancock

                                              My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live. ~Erica Jong, Playboy Magazine, September 1975

                                              Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~Woody Allen

                                              There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~Elton John
                                              MySweetEbony

                                              Comment

                                              • TheViper
                                                Confirmed User
                                                • Mar 2003
                                                • 2560

                                                #24
                                                Great topic...






























                                                FOR ME TO POOP ON!

                                                (Triumph doggy dog)

                                                http://gamefiles.blueyonder.co.uk/bl...WARS.NERDS.wmv

                                                Comment

                                                • Firehorse
                                                  Desire it and have it!!!
                                                  • Apr 2002
                                                  • 30767

                                                  #25
                                                  Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
                                                  MySweetEbony

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Firehorse
                                                    Desire it and have it!!!
                                                    • Apr 2002
                                                    • 30767

                                                    #26
                                                    Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? ~Richard Fleischer
                                                    MySweetEbony

                                                    Comment

                                                    • born4porn
                                                      FUKM ALL!
                                                      • Jan 2004
                                                      • 38781

                                                      #27
                                                      Originally posted by Firehorse
                                                      A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question." ~Author Unknown
                                                      lmao that's one of my favourites!

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Raf1
                                                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                        • Oct 2003
                                                        • 12117

                                                        #28
                                                        Originally posted by CDSmith
                                                        Little Johnny is passing his parents'
                                                        bedroom in the middle of the night, in
                                                        search of a glass of water. Hearing
                                                        a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks
                                                        in and catches his folks in The Act.
                                                        Before dad can even react, Little Johnny
                                                        exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy,
                                                        can I ride on your back?"

                                                        Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not
                                                        asking more uncomfortable questions,
                                                        and seeing the opportunity not to break
                                                        his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and
                                                        daddy starts going to town.

                                                        Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and
                                                        gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on
                                                        tight, Daddy! This is the part where
                                                        me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
                                                        80% Revshare or 30$ PPS on $1 trials: 200 Niches = Vidz.com Galleries / FLVs / Embeds
                                                        3 & 5mins FLVs | RSS & Tube Feeds | Matching Thumbs | FLV Browser & Exporter | No Prechecked Xsales
                                                        >> Mobile Redirection Script: mobile.vidz.com also paying 80% net Lifetime << ICQ: 198-394-557

                                                        Comment

                                                        • alexg
                                                          IL4L.com
                                                          • Aug 2003
                                                          • 11287

                                                          #29
                                                          Some nice jokes..

                                                          Blonde jokes are always funny

                                                          Find fuck buddies in your area!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • kowntafit
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Jan 2004
                                                            • 4667

                                                            #30
                                                            Thanks for the awesome jokes.

                                                            This is where my next million is coming from!

                                                            Comment

                                                            • Marcus Aurelius
                                                              No Refunds Issued.
                                                              • Apr 2003
                                                              • 14809

                                                              #31
                                                              a woman calls her husbands doctor about his blood test results, hes been very ill lately and she's curious about whats going on. "Well mam, your husbands ailment has us puzzled he tells her, It's either Alzheimers or AIDS" Oh dear god she replies, thats horrible, in either case, what should I do?

                                                              The doctor pauses for a moment and tells the woman, well drive him out about a mile from your house and leave him. If he comes home, DONT FUCK HIM!

                                                              Comment

                                                              • sperbonzo
                                                                I'd rather be on my boat.
                                                                • May 2003
                                                                • 9750

                                                                #32
                                                                A popular bar in Dade County, Florida installed a robotic bartender.

                                                                A fellow walked in, sat down at the bar, and immediately the robot walked up and said, "Good afternoon, sir. Do you mind telling me what your IQ is?"

                                                                The bewildered customer replied, "150."

                                                                Quickly the robot fixed him a very dry martini with a twist and began discussing nuclear physics, string theory, the European economy, etc.

                                                                Deciding to give this robot a real test, the customer finished his
                                                                drink, walked outside and came back in a few minutes later. This time when the robot asked about his IQ, the customer responded, "100."

                                                                Quickly the robot drew a glass of cold Bud, sat it in front of him and began discussing football, basketball, etc.

                                                                Again the customer finished his drink, walked outside and soon
                                                                returned to a seat at the bar. His answer to the IQ question was "50."

                                                                Quickly the robot popped a can of Old Milwaukee and asked, "So, as a Kerry fan, are you hoping he picks Hillary as his running mate?"
                                                                Michael Sperber / Acella Financial LLC/ Online Payment Processing

                                                                [email protected] / http://Acellafinancial.com/

                                                                ICQ 177961090 / Tel +1 909 NET BILL / Skype msperber

                                                                Comment

                                                                • TurboAngel
                                                                  H.B.I.C.
                                                                  • Jun 2003
                                                                  • 30122

                                                                  #33
                                                                  What did one tampon say to the other?








                                                                  Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • Benja
                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                    • May 2002
                                                                    • 258

                                                                    #34
                                                                    Originally posted by mdcq
                                                                    a woman calls her husbands doctor about his blood test results, hes been very ill lately and she's curious about whats going on. "Well mam, your husbands ailment has us puzzled he tells her, It's either Alzheimers or AIDS" Oh dear god she replies, thats horrible, in either case, what should I do?

                                                                    The doctor pauses for a moment and tells the woman, well drive him out about a mile from your house and leave him. If he comes home, DONT FUCK HIM!
                                                                    "Bite my shiny metal ass!"

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • The Bootyologist
                                                                      So Fucking Banned
                                                                      • Jun 2004
                                                                      • 2912

                                                                      #35

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • brickbat
                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                        • Apr 2004
                                                                        • 740

                                                                        #36
                                                                        Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover. The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.

                                                                        "The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.

                                                                        "The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

                                                                        Chinese/Japanese/Korean Traffic * Best Dialer * Get Hosting
                                                                        Buy Content * Email Program * Mainstream & Cam Traffic
                                                                        General Adult Traffic * Non-porn Popups

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • Loki
                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                          • Feb 2004
                                                                          • 4420

                                                                          #37
                                                                          There was an American man that had meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
                                                                          The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
                                                                          They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
                                                                          MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                          Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                          Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                          Comment

                                                                          • Loki
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Feb 2004
                                                                            • 4420

                                                                            #38
                                                                            A young man came walking up to his grandparent's house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

                                                                            "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

                                                                            The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

                                                                            "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

                                                                            The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."
                                                                            MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                            Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                            Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • Loki
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • Feb 2004
                                                                              • 4420

                                                                              #39
                                                                              little billy was in the kitchen with his grandfather,

                                                                              his grandfather was drinking a beer

                                                                              Little billy says "Grand dad, can i have some of that please?

                                                                              Grandpa says "hmmm, well billy can your dick reach your ass?"

                                                                              Billy looks at grandpa puzzled and says "no"

                                                                              Grandpa says well sorry bily you can not have any of this until your dick can reach your ass.

                                                                              Next Day, Grandpa is in the livingroom smoking a cigar, little billy walks in and looks at grandpa and says "Grand dad, can i try that?"

                                                                              Grandpa smiles and says "Well can your dick reach your ass yet?"

                                                                              Billy frowns and says "No grand dad it can't"

                                                                              Grandpa says, "Well you cant try this until your dick can reach your ass."

                                                                              Later that afternoon grandma had bakes a batch of her famous penutbutter cookies and billy was in the kitchen with a nice plate of them, Grandpa walked in and saw the cookies and said...

                                                                              "Billy are those grandma's penutbutter cookies?"
                                                                              "Yup" aid billy smiling and stuffign his face "And their really good too!" billy added.

                                                                              Grandpa walked tword billy and said "Billy can i have one of those cookies?"

                                                                              Billy looked up at grandpa and said "hmmmm well, grand dad can YOUR dick reach your ass??"

                                                                              Grandpa smiled a huge smile and said "Why yes indeed it can" and reached for the plate of cookies.

                                                                              Billy swiped the plate away and smiled and said....

                                                                              "Good then you can go fuck yourself these are MY COOKIES"

                                                                              -Loki-
                                                                              MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                              Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                              Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • Loki
                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                • Feb 2004
                                                                                • 4420

                                                                                #40
                                                                                The stages of sex

                                                                                Anytime Sex: When you first meet and fuck like rabbits

                                                                                Creative Sex: When youv'e been together awhile and try to spice things up a bit.

                                                                                Timed Sex: When your married for a bit and you got to work it in between your work hours.

                                                                                Kids Are Asleep Sex: Nuff Said

                                                                                Hallway Sex: when you pass eachother in the hallway and say "FUCK YOU"
                                                                                MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                                Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                                Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                                Comment

                                                                                • Loki
                                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                                  • Feb 2004
                                                                                  • 4420

                                                                                  #41
                                                                                  One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"
                                                                                  The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.
                                                                                  A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
                                                                                  The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."
                                                                                  MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                                  Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                                  Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • Loki
                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                    • Feb 2004
                                                                                    • 4420

                                                                                    #42
                                                                                    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn?t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

                                                                                    He gasps: ?My friend is dead! What can I do?? The operator says: ?Calm down, I can help. First, let?s make sure he?s dead.? There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ?OK, now what??
                                                                                    MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                                    Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                                    Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                    • Loki
                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                      • Feb 2004
                                                                                      • 4420

                                                                                      #43
                                                                                      Ok last one from me lol


                                                                                      You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
                                                                                      That's direct marketing.

                                                                                      You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends approaches her, points at you and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
                                                                                      That's advertising.

                                                                                      You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You approach her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed.
                                                                                      That's telemarketing.

                                                                                      You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed".
                                                                                      That's public relations.

                                                                                      You keep doing all the above and one day, you're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."

                                                                                      That's BRAND recognition!!

                                                                                      -Loki-
                                                                                      MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS!
                                                                                      Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them!
                                                                                      Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki|at|gmail.com

                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                      • axelcat
                                                                                        Adult Locals
                                                                                        • Jun 2002
                                                                                        • 25450

                                                                                        #44

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • TheLegacy
                                                                                          SEO RobertWarrenSEO.com
                                                                                          • Apr 2003
                                                                                          • 18171

                                                                                          #45
                                                                                          shortest joke in the world =




























                                                                                          Baby seal walks into a club

                                                                                          RobertWarrenSEO.com
                                                                                          Telegram: @TheLegacy54

                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                          • Marcus Aurelius
                                                                                            No Refunds Issued.
                                                                                            • Apr 2003
                                                                                            • 14809

                                                                                            #46
                                                                                            a little boy was walking down a dirt road with his cat ...about every 20 feet he would stop, eat some M & M candy, bite the cat on the ass, and keep walking, this continued down the road for quite a ways until he started passing a house where an old man sitting on the porch saw this strange activity and called out to the boy, "BOY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" he questioned,

                                                                                            I'm playing trucker the boy replied, Playing trucker the old man asked confused.

                                                                                            Yeah, Popping pills, eating pussy, and moving on down the road.




                                                                                            (its stupid, but it was funny when I heard it )

                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                            Working...