99 reasons why Adult Players Club is better

APC stains wash out.
You don't have to wine and dine a APC.
Your APC will always wait patiently for you in the car.
When APC goes flat you toss it out.
APC is never late.
Hangovers eventually go away.
APC doesn't get jealous when you grab another APC.
APC labels come off without a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a APC.
APC never has a headache.
After you have a APC, the bottle is still worth a dime.
APC won't get upset if you come home with APC on your breath.
If you pour APC right, you will always get good head.
You can have more than one APC a night and not feel guilty.
APC always goes down gently.
You can share APC with your friends and enemies.
You always know that you are the first one to pop a APC.
APC is always wet.
APC doesn't demand equality.
APC doesn't care when you come.
You can have APC in public.
A frigid APC is a good APC.
You don't have to wash APC before it tastes good.
APC always comes in multiples of six.
APC doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from APC.
After you have a APC, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
APC never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
When your APC is gone, you just pop another.
You rarely (if ever) find APC labels on the shower curtain rod.
APC looks the same in the morning.
APC doesn't look you up in a month.
APC doesn't worry about someone walking in.
APC doesn't worry about waking the kids.
APC doesn't get cramps.
APC doesn't have a mother.
APC doesn't have morals.
APC doesn't go crazy once a month.
APC always listens and never argues.
APC labels don't go out of style every year.
APC doesn't whine, it bubbles.
APC doesn't have cold hands/feet.
APC doesn't demand legality.
APC is never overweight.
If you change APCs, you don't have to pay alimony.
APC won't run off with your credit cards.
APC doesn't have a lawyer.
APC doesn't need much closet space.
APC can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
APC doesn't complain about the way you drive.
APC doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
APC never changes its mind.
APC doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
APC never asks you to change the station.
APC doesn't make you go shopping.
APC doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
APC will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
APC is always easy to pick up.
Big, fat APCs are nice to have.
APC doesn't pout or play games.
APC NEVER says no.
APC is easy to get into.
APC never complains when you take it somewhere.
APC doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other APCs.
APC doesn't wear a bra.
APC doesn't mind getting dirty.
APC doesn't complain about insensitivity.
APC doesn't use up your toilet paper.
APC doesn't live with its mother.
APC doesn't blow you off.
APC doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
APC doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
APC doesn't mind football season.
APC won't make you go to church.
APC is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
APC doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
APC doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
APC doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other APCs around.
APC will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute".
If APC leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
APC will not call you a sexist pig
APC will never make you see its parents
APC won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
APC won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
APC will never stop you from watching Playboy.
APC won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
APC won't smoke in your car.
APC never watchs opera.
APC will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
APC will never complain when you disobey nature.
APC is always ready to leave on time.
APC never fishes for compliments.
Some APCs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
APC tastes good.
APC will never accuse you of rape.
APC won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin.
An ice-cold APC will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
APC won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.