Ode to Masturbation Month...(pic)

oooh, right... NONE of you masturbate. ;)

i don't, why would i, i have you!



oh wait, what's that?

i looooove masturbation month

cash in flash

heh...I wonder how many youngins don't even know what movie that scene is form.

'


is this masturbation month approved by the bush administration

i only masturbate 9 times a day now, might have to bump it up a little.

lol.

No, I have my wife to do it for me.

fast times at ridgemont high is a classic

Great photoshop!

"Doesn't anybody knock anymore"

If I didn't jerk off twice a day I'd be a serial killer.

thanks for the reminder, going to shake the governors hand vigorously now...

cheers

PS: please mention to the Rhinos that it'd be a wicked nice idea to add a camcrush/gx3/streamate/epiccams version to their program that pays out weekly by epass

grazie

Useful Euphemisms:

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Abusing the usual suspect
Angry fist action
Answer the bone-a-phone
Assault on a friendly weapon
Bhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Backstroke roulette
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Batting practice
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Beat off
Beat your hog
Beating the bait
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the snake
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Being your own best friend
Belt your hog
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Blow Your load
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the baloney
Bop the boa
Bop the hog
Boppin' your bologna
Box the Jesuit
Boxing the clown
Buckin' it
Buffing the banana
Buffing the wood
Burping the worm
Bust a nut
Butter your corn
Chahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Cajun clown fucking
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Cast off
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charm the cobra
Chicken milking
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning the pipes
Cleaning the rifle
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the dolphin
Coax the cajones
Coming to grips with yourself
Couch hockey for one
Cough your filthy yogurt
Cracking one off
Cracking the fat
Crank the Shank
Cranking
Creaming the banana
Crown the king
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the puppy
Dhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Date Rosey Palm and her five daughters
Dating Miss Michigan
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil's handshake
Diddle yourself
Dishonorable discharge
Doing the knuckle shuffle on your piss pump
Dong flogging
Doodle your noodle
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Drip the pickle
Drop off a load
Drubbing the dolphin
Ehahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Eberting Siskel
Fhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Fapping
Fertilizing the Lawn
Fetch the bagel dog
Fiddle the ferret
Fight your turkey
Firm your worm
Fist fuck
Fist kabobing
Fist your mister
Five against one
Five finger knuckle shuffle
Five knuckle olympics
Flog yourself
Flogging the bishop
Flogging the dolphin
Flogging your dong
Flogging your log
Flong your dong
Flute solo
Flying a kite
Fondle the fig
Freeing the willies
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
Fuck Mary Fist
Ghahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Gallop the antelope
Get a hold of yourself
Get your nuts off
Getting in touch with your manhood
Getting in touch with yourself
Getting to know yourself
Getting your caps peeled
Gherkin jerkin'
Giving it a tug
Giving oneself a "low-five"
Giving the John Hancock
Grease the pipe
Greasing your bone
Grip your dip
Grooming your junior
Hhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Hack the hog
Ham shank
Hand dancing
Hand jive
Hand job
Handle yourself
Hands on training
Hand to gland combat
Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
Hand work
Having a pull
Having a roy
Have it off
Have one off the wrist
Heating up the hot dog
Hitchhike under the big top
Hitching to Heaven
Hit the ham
Holding all the cards
Holding your sausage hostage
Hone your bone
Hump your fist
Hump your hose
Humpin' air
Ihahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Interrogating the witness
Ironing some wrinkles
Jhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Jack hammer
Jack off
Jackin'
Jackin' the beanstalk
Jag off
Jazz yourself
Jerk off
Jerk the gherkin
Jerk the Johnson
Jibbin'
Jiggle the jewelry
Jimmying your Joey
Jiving with Johnson
Juggling the javelin
Khahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Keep the census down
Kick one out
Killing kittens
Killing the beast
Knock the top off
Knuckle shuffle

*****

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ADG Webmaster

Masurbation Euphemisms continued...

Lhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Launching the hand shuttle
Leakin' the main drain
Living by the fat of the hand
Lizard milking
Loping your mule
Lynching the one-eyed monster
Mhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Makin' gravy for the biscuit
Making the bald guy puke
Making nut butter
Making yogurt
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango
Manual exercise
Manual override
Manual pollution
Masonic secret self handshake
Massage the muscle
Massage the purple-headed warrior
Menage a moi
Milking the bull
Milking the lizard
Milking the monkey
Milkywaying
Molding hot plastic
Muscling up
Nhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Nerk your throbber
Ohahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Oil the glove
Oiling the pogo stick
Onanism
One handed clapping
One handed humpty hump love pump, The
One handed rodeo, The
One-legged race, The
One man show
One man tug-o-war
One man wrestling
One man's game
Phahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Pack your palm
Paddle the pickle
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Pat the Robertson
Peel the banana
Peel the carrot
Peter beater
Petting the dog
Playing with Dick
Playing with Susie Palm and her five friends
Playing with the noodle
Play pocket pool
Play the organ
Play the pisser
Play the piss pipe
Play the skin flute
Play the stand-up organ
Playing with the snake
Playing your instrument
Play with yourself
Plunk your twanger
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Pokin' the palm
Polish the bishop
Polish the chrome dome
Polish the helmet
Polish the rocket
Polish the sword
Polish your bayonet
Polish your helmet
Polish your piece
Polishing the banister
Polishing the cue stick
Popping the porpoise
Pound off
Pound your flounder
Pound your piss pump
Pound your pomegranate
Pounding your pud
Preemptive infanticide
Private arm exercise
Prod the peepee
Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
Pudwhacking
Pud wrestling
Pull the root
Pull off
Pull your pud
Pull your pudding
Pull yourself off
Pulling the goalie
Pulling the piss pump
Pulling the pole
Pulling the pope
Pulling the pud
Pulling the taffy
Pulling the wire
Pulling your pickle
Pump your pickle
Pumping for pleasure
Pumping for power
Pumping the python
Pumping your gas at self-service island
Punchin' the clown
Punchin' the munchkin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the bishop
Punishing the priest
Punishing the Evil Merchant
Qhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Rhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Ram the ham
Releasing the hostages
Ricky boxing
Ride the great white knuckler
Ringing the bell
Rolling the fleshy blunt
Roman helmet rhumba
Ropin' the long horn
Rope the pony
Roughing up the suspect
Rounding up the tadpoles
Rub off
Rub one out
Rub the unicorn's horn
Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
Run off a batch
Shahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Saluting the general
Sanding the main mast
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shlackin' the glacknoid
Scraping the carrot
Scratching the itch
Seasoning your meat
Self-love
Sending out the troops
Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand
Sex with your best friend
Shag off
Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking hands with shorty
Shaking hands with the governor
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shake the snake
Shaking the tree
Shifting gears
Shine your pole
Shining the helmet
Shining the torpedo
Shooting enemies
Shooting practice
Shooting putty at the moon
Shooting Sherman
Shooting without scoring
Shower spank
Shucking Bubba
Shucking the corn
Simple infanticide
Slam the hammer
Slammin' the salami
Slappin' pappy
Slapping the clown
Slapping Uncle Willy
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Slap my happy sacs
Slap the salami
Slapping the cyclops
Slapping your chub
Slinging jelly
Sloppy Joe's last stand
Sloppy sign language
Smacking the snake
Smite the dragon
Snap the monkey
Snap the whip
Snapping your carrot
Solitary sin, The
Spank the frank
Spank your monkey
Spear chucking
Spit-shine the purple helmet
Splurtin' the spladder bladder
Spreading the mayo
Spunk the monk
Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie
Squeeze the lemon
Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
Squeezing the burrito
Stall clapping
Stir the soup
Strangling the snake
Strangling the Wonka
Stroke off
Stroke the stallion
Stroke your poke
Stroking it
Stroking your goat
Stroke your poker
Thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Tadpole rodeo
Taking a core sample
Taking a shake break
Taking advantage of yourself
Taking Herman to the circus
Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Tame the wild hog
Taming of the shrew, The
Tap the turkey
Tease one out
Tease the python
Tease the weasel
Tenderize the meat
Tethering the blimp
The erky jerk
The sticky page rhumba
Threading a needle
Throttle the bottle
Throw off a catch
Throwin' down
Thump the pump
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the pickle
Tickle your goodfoot
Toss off
Toss the boss
Toss the midget
Toss the turkey
Touch off a batch of orphans
Tugging the tapioca tube
Tugging the tubesteak
Tug of war with cyclops
Tuning the antenna
Turning on the ivory faucet
Tussle with your muscle
Twang your wire
Tweek
Uhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Uncorking the champagne
Unwrapping the pepperoni
Vhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Varnishing the cane
Vinegar stroke
Whahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Wailing
Waking up your bro
Walking the dog
Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
Wang whacking
Wank(ing)
Wank the Willy Wonka
Wanking the crank
Waxing the dolphin
Wax your Jackson
Wax your weasel
Wax your Willy
Whack the bag
Whack off
Whack your tack
Whacking the weed
Whapping your wang
Whip the cummy
Whip your cripper
Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
Whipping the pony
Whipping the window washer
Whipping up a batch
White water wristing
Whizzin' Jizz
Wiggling your worm
Willy tickle
Winding the Jack In The Box
Wing it
Wonk your conker
Work one out
Working a cramp out of your muscle
Working your willy
Wrestling Jimmy
Wrestling the bald-headed champ
Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
Wrestling the eel
Wring out your rope
Wring your thing
Wringing 'round the rosie
Wrist aerobics
Xhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Yhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Yahtzee
Yank my doodle dandy
Yank off
Yank the yodel
Yank your crank
Yank your yam
Zhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha
Zipper surfing

*****

Brought to you as a public service by:

ADG Webmaster

You mean there's a month for this? Guess I'd better get started.

lol! Get to work!

I don't really have to do all that.

Problem is, right now I have the sex drive of a rock.

And I thought touching door handles on non-masterbating days was bad.

very nice halcyon good newsletter by the way

that girl is fine

Thanks, Pete!!!

So where's the ode? Thread title says there's an ode in here, and I want it. NOW.

Start spouting poetry, Halcyon. :D

Before rising and shining
Before brushing my teeth
Before I feed my pet
Before a lit cigarette

I need to jack off

Before taking a shower
Before gargling mouthwash
Before lifting the toilet seat
To take a leak

I have to beat my meat

Before the eggs get scrambled
Before the toast is toasted
Before the coffee beans are roasted

I gotta choke my chicken

Before the tie is tied
Before my shoes are tied
Before the bacon is fried

I must spank my monkey

Before the paper is read
Before I get outta bed
Before good morning is said

I?m going to drain my balls
While thinking of a hot gal thru it all

The thought makes my heart rate get higher and higher.
I would never put my hand there... you liar, you liar.

With all of the tension and fluids deep down within,
Rock hard, up, and bored, once again I begin.

Imagine all the sweet girls I wish I could bring home.
Imagine my friend on himself, alone on his own.

Fast cars, lots of money, and a long passionate kiss,
Skydiving, mountain climbing, and all the cool tricks.

What do I care if I should go blind?
I have to let out what's in my mind.

From my personal rhythm, the eruption I seek.
I feel like I'm laying in between satin sheets.

All over my body everything's getting tight.
The beat's getting violent like some kind of fight.

Spasmodic, erotic,
Coming to the crest of the hill.
I just cant quit, I don't have the will.

Approaching, Approaching,
The top! The Peak! There's no turning back!
The intense, the ultimate, the maximum climax!

Me on me and me on myself

Implosion !
E x p l o s i o n !!
....
Utopia
E u p h o r i a

I find this acceptable.

Carry on...

Woohoo! That just made my weekend

HAHAHA!! Oh, that was sweet.

Well, we can't very well have "ode" threads with no odes in them.

That just wouldn't be right. :D

Too true. My apologies. Thank goodness Sir Basil made things right.

Damn straight. And a spanking good job of it he did at that.

That is a funny fucking pic Hal!

i showed you mine...now you show me yours!