More shit that pisses me off (Friday funny)
More Shit That Pisses Me Off
Here are a few more little items on the "Pisees Tala Off" list. They happen to us all, and I bet they piss you off too.
Doesn't it piss you off when...
Some jackass is in such a damn hurry to get someplace that he cuts you off, then decides he's not really in a hurry after all and slows to a snail's pace? Double points if there was lightyears of space BEHIND you when he cut you off, triple points if it was a cop.
Some idiot drives on your ass for 45 minutes before realizing that his brights were on the entire time. Again, double points for cops. Triple points for big rigs.
The DJ just HAS to talk over the end of a song, or the beginning, and you miss what he's said 'cause you're trying to listen to music. Double points for your favorite song.
Someone answers your question with a question?
Chicks wear revealing clothing and then get pissy because you're staring? Fuck you, bitch, you're showing off so I'm gonna stare.
Guys think that their car is an extension of their penis? Gentlemen, if you MUST have an expensive car to help your self-esteem, just save yourself the expense and buy penis pills instead. I know where you can get a GREAT deal.
People call during sex, your favorite tv show, dinner, or around 3 am. I'm not going to answer the phone, fuckstick. Buggar off.
You get so sleepy that your eyes cross, and for a brief moment, objects are closer than they appear.
People continually say, "sorry" but really aren't. If you're not sorry, then DON'T FUCKING APOLOGIZE!
Women who have nice, tight bodies complain that they're fat. Get bent, bitch.
Fat women don't realize that spandex is a privelege, not a right. Being a heavy girl myself, I understand that you want people to accept you for your size, but honey, no one puts a tutu on a cow. Put your ass back in clothes that fit and leave the slinky shit to the slinky girls.
Fat men can't see their pecker but expect YOU to see it for them. Baby, if you can't find it, I sure the hell ain't gonna.
Anyone who posts "facts" without shit to back 'em up. FACT: You don't have any facts to post, and no one gives a fuck anyway.
Anyone calls a normal sized girl "fat." Betcha you'd hit it if she offered it. Cut the crap.
Self-appointed saints try to wrestle your soul back to Jesus land? Double points for Baptists, triple for Latter-Day Saints. Jehovah's Witnesses don't count.
Some neolithic missing link uses the phrase, "She's got a nice personality." No, I don't. But I can say "go fuck yourself" in twelve languages.
Here are a few more little items on the "Pisees Tala Off" list. They happen to us all, and I bet they piss you off too.
Doesn't it piss you off when...
Some jackass is in such a damn hurry to get someplace that he cuts you off, then decides he's not really in a hurry after all and slows to a snail's pace? Double points if there was lightyears of space BEHIND you when he cut you off, triple points if it was a cop.
Some idiot drives on your ass for 45 minutes before realizing that his brights were on the entire time. Again, double points for cops. Triple points for big rigs.
The DJ just HAS to talk over the end of a song, or the beginning, and you miss what he's said 'cause you're trying to listen to music. Double points for your favorite song.
Someone answers your question with a question?
Chicks wear revealing clothing and then get pissy because you're staring? Fuck you, bitch, you're showing off so I'm gonna stare.
Guys think that their car is an extension of their penis? Gentlemen, if you MUST have an expensive car to help your self-esteem, just save yourself the expense and buy penis pills instead. I know where you can get a GREAT deal.
People call during sex, your favorite tv show, dinner, or around 3 am. I'm not going to answer the phone, fuckstick. Buggar off.
You get so sleepy that your eyes cross, and for a brief moment, objects are closer than they appear.
People continually say, "sorry" but really aren't. If you're not sorry, then DON'T FUCKING APOLOGIZE!
Women who have nice, tight bodies complain that they're fat. Get bent, bitch.
Fat women don't realize that spandex is a privelege, not a right. Being a heavy girl myself, I understand that you want people to accept you for your size, but honey, no one puts a tutu on a cow. Put your ass back in clothes that fit and leave the slinky shit to the slinky girls.
Fat men can't see their pecker but expect YOU to see it for them. Baby, if you can't find it, I sure the hell ain't gonna.
Anyone who posts "facts" without shit to back 'em up. FACT: You don't have any facts to post, and no one gives a fuck anyway.
Anyone calls a normal sized girl "fat." Betcha you'd hit it if she offered it. Cut the crap.
Self-appointed saints try to wrestle your soul back to Jesus land? Double points for Baptists, triple for Latter-Day Saints. Jehovah's Witnesses don't count.
Some neolithic missing link uses the phrase, "She's got a nice personality." No, I don't. But I can say "go fuck yourself" in twelve languages.
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