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My condolences Peaches. My mother took her own life this same month just 2 years ago.
I too know the pain that comes not just from the loss, but from the feeling of something being stolen from you and the confusion that you are left with.
Do what you need, take your time, cry, and when you think you're done cry some more honestly it's the only thing that will help you get through this...and that is grieving.
It's a painful process, and I know you don't want to know about the time where this pain will not hurt so much because you just don't want to let go. So don't worry about it for now. Just let it hurt, it's only natural. Everything else will happen as it is intended to happen when it is intended to happen.
I pray for peace for your family tonight.
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