Why did the punk cross the road? 
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Why did the punk cross the road?
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What's a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!
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Because he was stapled to the chickens back.
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How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? 
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What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Only one. To slam the car boot shut. 
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What did God say after he created man?
I can do better than this!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they believe me?' 
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Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember 
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What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!' 
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How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikiniMy Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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The graduate with an engenieering degree asks 'How does it do that?' 
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What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?' 
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How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?' 
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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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'Was your wife a virgin when you married?' 
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'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.' 
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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It's ass. 
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A face can say many things. Especially the mouth part.
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What's brown and sticky? 
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Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sinkMy Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle? 
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If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish. 
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How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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I'd cross the hottest desert 
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It was so cold
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How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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the town flasher ran up and described himself. 
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I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
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One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!'
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What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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"If you are going through hell, keep going."Do what you know you should.Comment
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one hardly used.
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The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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breakin 2, electric boogalooComment
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Translations for men
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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How do you tell an old man?
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The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died 
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A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business.
He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!Comment
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'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.' 
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dave matthewsComment
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