How do you tell an old man? 
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How do you tell an old man?
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Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? 
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It isn't hard. 
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A: So when you pull on their tits they don't shit on you. 
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An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died 
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Q: How much hair is in a girl's lap? 
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so she took them to the taxodermist
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A: A box full.
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:D 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.'
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Q: Why were shopping carts invented? 
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Why does an elephant have four feet?
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A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs. 
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Because it would look silly with six inches.
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Q: What do you call a 300 pound Italian girl?
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Anatomy is something everybody's got
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A: Underweight.
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but sure looks better on a woman. 
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Q: What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota? 
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What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose?
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A: Anorexic 
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Darling.
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Q: Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick out of the window?
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Why do women get periods? 
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A: She didn't have the balls.
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Because they deserve them.
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Q: What's a 79 ?
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Why did the punk cross the road?
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Bots?Comment
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Because he was stapled to the chickens back.
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
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Only one. To slam the car boot shut. 
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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
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There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said 'Shut up! At least we're still on the right side of the grass!'
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A: 45 minutes.
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Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they believe me?' 
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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
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okComment
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Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember
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A: Sexual harassment.
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ok?Comment
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A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!' :D
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Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
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botsComment
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suckComment
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The graduate with an engenieering degree asks 'How does it do that?'
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
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The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?'
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A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?'
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Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
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