I've just lost the woman I've loved for almost ten years

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  • SpaceAce
    Confirmed User
    • Jul 2002
    • 6493
    #101
    Originally posted by corvett
    something very similar happened to me a few years ago...the constant feeling I had back then was indescribable?horrible

    remember that once you get used to somebody, it is very difficult to break away from them?.she might come back

    when a person goes through a ?traumatic? experience, such as what you seem to be going through, they typically go through a short but very intense period of mourning, which then begins to go away?

    icq me if you want to talk, I would be happy to relate to you, the experience will never leave me

    45471840
    Corvett, thanks for the offer and thanks for the words. It's very kind of you to offer an ear. It's tough to mourn this because I am still in a bit of shock. She went back and forth on the issue and over and over again gave me hope that we might work things out and now I am having a hard time getting my mind around this.

    SpaceAce

      Comment

      • SpaceAce
        Confirmed User
        • Jul 2002
        • 6493
        #102
        Originally posted by AM Jeff
        SpaceAce, you have an enormous amount of respect from me.

        It takes a real man to confess his love for a woman on a furum like GFY.

        Keep your head up.

        Shell be back.

        Count on it.
        I guess it takes a real man or someone just desperate to get it off his chest. I'm not usually so open with strangers but I felt an almost physical heat from the huge number of emotions and memories and I had to do something. I'm sitting here thousands of miles from my friends and family with no one to talk to and GFY was the only place I could think to go. I am pleasantly surprised at the outcome, though.

        Thanks for the kind words,
        SpaceAce

          Comment

          • cheekycherry
            Confirmed User
            • Feb 2002
            • 1703
            #103
            I am a big time lurker on this board, I read lots and lots and post very little.

            I read your story and normally I wouldn't post. BUT,

            Your words made me feel your pain.

            And even though I'm a *man* who doesn't know you, it really did bring tears to my eyes.

            They say "time is the best healer of man" I hope it does its job quickly. I sit here writing this with a lump in my throat while wishing you the best of luck in the future.

            I want to say, things will turn out ok in your life and you will be able to move on or sort out your problems with her, but that won't ease the pain right now.

            Good luck buddy!

              Comment

              • KRL
                Entrepreneur
                • Oct 2002
                • 31429
                #104
                Originally posted by SpaceAce
                Thanks, KRL, although I don't necessarily believe that love always has to end. I do believe that two people can be together for their entire lives and be happy. I would have been happy to be with Alana forever. Ten years together didn't diminish that feeling in me and I believe that she would have continued to feel that way as well if she had been able to express to me the things that were hurting her before we reached this point. She keeps professing to love me but it's not enough.

                The memories are the most paainful thing of all. I remember things like her sneaking food out of her school's cafateria then riding the bus for an hour or more just to bring me a cold cafateria hamburger. I remember her sleeping next to me in my car, enduring cold which she hates, and then taking the long bus ride to school in the morning without enough sleep just so I wouldn't have to be alone. I remember her as a teenager, a very poor swimmer, shivering in my arms while I held her at the end of the pier and waves crashed over us. I felt strong and useful and needed then but now that is all gone.

                SpaceAce

                If I had a dollar for every girl that said to me "I Love You" and looking back now was genuine and not just there for the lifestyle and money, I couldn't even buy a McDonalds Happy meal.

                As you get older you learn about the realities of Love the hard way. Most of it is utterly BS.
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                  Comment

                  • MrJackMeHoff
                    Confirmed User
                    • Mar 2004
                    • 4569
                    #105
                    I had a girlfriend for 7 years and we moved to Las Vegas and broke up shortly after too. Hmm what does that tell you!?

                    She begged me back months later but I left her ass and found a real woman and Im better for it.

                    Sounds like she was just bored with you. Maybe she liked life on the edge. Or maybe you just sucked the life out of her with all your troubles.

                    Fuck that just relax awile get over it and move on.

                      Comment

                      • SpaceAce
                        Confirmed User
                        • Jul 2002
                        • 6493
                        #106
                        Originally posted by AdvertisingSex
                        Move out ASAP... even if you have to break the lease. You DEFINATELY do NOT want to remain living with her... your life can't go on with her as your "roommate".

                        It's just advice. I've been there. I moved out and survived on $250 a week for a year. My new rent was $600 a month... you do the math. At times, I had $5.00 to eat for a few days... thank God for Ramen noodles and my old cigarette butts that I would save for the tight times.
                        That will be tough for two reasons. For one, I don't have any money. Everything has been "our" money for so long I can't remember the last time I had a dollar that I didn't feel belonged equally to my girlfriend. I don't mind that, what's mine is hers. All of our money goes for our bills, though, which makes it a little tough to get away. The other problem is that we broke a lease coming here. Ohio has no protection for tenants and after a few months, we got sick of paying rent for a place we weren't living in when it was obvious that management company wasn't even trying to rent out our old place. It's going to be nearly impossible for me to get housing anywhere right now while in the middle of one lease and another broken lease in my immediate past.

                        SpaceAce

                          Comment

                          • SpaceAce
                            Confirmed User
                            • Jul 2002
                            • 6493
                            #107
                            Originally posted by Za Ha
                            WOW, I actually feel sorry for you even though I dont give a fuck who you are. I think I would actually cry if my gf left me and I dont do stuff like that...

                            I hope you get over the loss sooner or later.
                            I don't cry, either, which is why this has me so screwed up. Even I didn't know how strong I really felt about her.

                            SpaceAce

                              Comment

                              • SpaceAce
                                Confirmed User
                                • Jul 2002
                                • 6493
                                #108
                                Originally posted by quantum-x
                                Sorry to hear that bro.
                                KRL was right tho-

                                You can still cherish and enjoy the times there were had.. as much as she might want to deny, she was part of your life, and helped you get to where you are today.

                                You will always have these memories; when you move on, you'll still always share the parts of her that you loved the most
                                Someday I will have the memories. Right now, I wish I did not.

                                SpaceAce

                                  Comment

                                  • merlin77
                                    Confirmed User
                                    • May 2004
                                    • 546
                                    #109
                                    Originally posted by spannow
                                    Most importantly - don't follow anyone's advice! That being said, I've learned the hard way to never make a decision in the heat of the moment. Always follow your heart and you will never be disappointed. Let life unfold as it should - we can only control what we can control - nothing more...

                                    Good luck bro, I truly hope everything works out for you!

                                    For what it's worth, that's my
                                    I think this is the best thing that could have been said. Lol, and just know that you are not alone.
                                    SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                      Comment

                                      • SpaceAce
                                        Confirmed User
                                        • Jul 2002
                                        • 6493
                                        #110
                                        Originally posted by Kevin2
                                        It takes courage to pour out your feelings like this and I respect you for that. I hope things come right between the two of you. After reading your post I was reminded of this verse...

                                        If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were...
                                        Even if she does return, I don't think I could have her. I could never fully trust someone who could hurt me so badly without giving me the one thing I asked for which was an opportunity to fix the things she felt were broken.

                                        SpaceAce

                                          Comment

                                          • iwantchixx
                                            Too lazy to set a custom title
                                            • Oct 2002
                                            • 12860
                                            #111
                                            Dude, that made me cry. I went though that when my first love and I broke up. We were so compatible, still are, and I still think of her and feel lost after all these years. I could never imagine going through what you are. That's 10 fucking years. Sad reality is that most relationships that are formed during young and troubled times never last. Girls feel that they are missing out and want something new. Not all are like that, and yours may or may not be, I don't know what really drove her to another man, but maybe it was only meant to be the way it turned out. Hold her dear in your heart and forever remember her. The love and you two shared for 10 years and the wisdom gained will guide you though many of life's obstacles.

                                            Try to keep yourself busy, I know people say that the best thing to do is mingle with other singles, but the truth is, that's bullshit, you'll only feel worse. Cry if you have to, let it out, ICQ (302040348) me if you need to vent, vent on GFY, do what ever it takes, but do not bury this pain or it will forever haunt you.

                                            This will make you an emotionally stronger individual if you let the pain cycles run their natural courses. Don't' harden, you seem like a very down to earth guy with true values and real emotion. Don't lose that, some day, she may come back to you (I hope this is the case), or some day (almost positive) you will meet a woman who appreciates everything you can and can't give her.

                                            Peace, and rest well.

                                              Comment

                                              • SpaceAce
                                                Confirmed User
                                                • Jul 2002
                                                • 6493
                                                #112
                                                Originally posted by SleazeQueen
                                                Wow. I've been in those shoes before. Mine was a death, but the feelings were still sorta the same. I literally felt like I wasn't attatched to my body for about a week. That was in 1993 and I spent about a year thinking that, in my 20's, that my life was over. No more Mark, no more life.
                                                I'm sorry for your loss, too. In some ways, I think a death would be easier to deal with because a death is (usually) not your fault and something you could not have prevented. This is different, a deliberate and calculated destruction of our life together and I feel that I could have fixed the problems if I had been given a chance. Or, rather, I feel we could have fixed the problems. The thing that makes it hurt the worst is that I told her and showed her how I felt an all I asked was that she put off what she was planning to do. Not give it up entirely, not stay forever if she was unhappy, but give us a chance to work things out. She gave me a flat refusal in the form of getting on the plane tonight and I know I could never have watched her cry and still done that to her.

                                                SpaceAce

                                                  Comment

                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                    • 6493
                                                    #113
                                                    Originally posted by Mishi
                                                    Can't say it better than this. I am truly sorry for your pain, but it is part of life, and it will go away. Don't try to hide from it; you have to experience it. It will fade, slowly at first, and then you'll wonder how it ever hurt at all. Trust me, it will get better. In the mean time, my heart goes out to you.
                                                    Thank you for the kind words. I am no stranger to pain but sometimes you get to wondering if you haven't felt enough of it already. As in, is it really necessary that I go through this, too?

                                                    SpaceAce

                                                      Comment

                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                        Confirmed User
                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                        • 6493
                                                        #114
                                                        Originally posted by AdvertisingSex
                                                        Be gone by the time she gets back on Monday. Get a room at one of those weekly motel places until you find a new place to live.

                                                        or

                                                        You can stay living with her and CRINGE each time her new boyfriend calls or "visits".

                                                        You gotta let her go... just like she did to you.
                                                        He lives far away. If there was any danger of a visit, I don't think I could possibly stay here because I don't believe he would be safe around me. Alana keeps telling me how she contacted him and he isn't manipulating her and it was all her idea and blah blah blah but he keeps calling he cell phone and he's picking her up at the other end of that plane flight so as far as I am concerned, he's guilty.

                                                        Leaving before she gets back is not feasible. You can see in another post what I said about our finances being mingled, plus I have all my business setup here at home, plus since we drove here from Cleveland we only have on car, plus we have a cat I need to take care of.

                                                        I am working on letting her go.

                                                        SpaceAce

                                                          Comment

                                                          • SpaceAce
                                                            Confirmed User
                                                            • Jul 2002
                                                            • 6493
                                                            #115
                                                            Originally posted by Trixie
                                                            SpaceAce: congrats on taking the step to make connections with other people and let them know how you're feeling. Most guys have a harder time with breakups than most women because you don't have as many intimate friendships so no support network. Cultivating your friendships with other people will make getting through this LOTS easier. She is not the only partner you'll ever have, and she's not the only FRIEND you'll ever have, either.

                                                            Here's a guy who has gone through a similar situation with his wife falling out of love with him (you have to read from the beginning to understand it):

                                                            http://mbl.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?entry=20030711
                                                            Thanks for the response, Trixie. It's true that men are sometimes lacking in support. I have two good friends but they are far away and I know that at least one of them is not real good with this sort of stuff. I am not particularly open about my feelings but he seems to go even further out of his way to hide his. It would be tough to talk to him about this in any detail although he knows what is going on.

                                                            She may not be the only partner I'll ever have but she is the one I wanted to keep. I'm not exactly handsome and not exactly a social butterfly. It will be extremely hard for me to find someone that accepts me the way she did.

                                                            That diary looks huge but I will check it out later. I really think the collapse of her being in love with me came at the very end. We were still close to each other in terms of being intimate and still having pretty hot sex. I think the last stupid argument we had and the weeks of moping around the hous that followed combined with this ex-coworker showing up just made for a bad situation.

                                                            SpaceAce

                                                              Comment

                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                • 6493
                                                                #116
                                                                Originally posted by Strife
                                                                whoa...that really sucks man
                                                                Pretty badly, yes. Thanks for the reply.

                                                                SpaceAce

                                                                  Comment

                                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                                    • 6493
                                                                    #117
                                                                    Originally posted by lux_interior
                                                                    Having been through exactly the same thing as you and sexyclicks I'm not even going to give you placations because I know how little they meant to me and how they didn't make me feel any better. As hard as it is to believe right now, and again I speak from experience, your not alone, other people have gone through this and survived. You will too. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

                                                                    Lux
                                                                    I know I am not alone in the experience but I feel alone in life right now.

                                                                    SpaceAce

                                                                      Comment

                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                        • 6493
                                                                        #118
                                                                        Originally posted by poorwebmaster
                                                                        What is there to be said? You are going through what most of us men have experienced. I have been there and I will not even say I know how you feel. Your hurt is your own and mine is mine.

                                                                        As the days progress and the reality sets in, you start to question yourself as to who what or where and WHY she didn't tell you before you moved.

                                                                        Every question has an answer - the best thing I did was use the shit I've been through from my childhood till I got into this industry as a strength - not as a weakness

                                                                        - because if you didn't experience so much hell in your childhood
                                                                        ( to toughen your heart ) this hurt would be unbearable.

                                                                        Listen, keep at this internet thing - it is the only future with a select few who know how to do this technical work.

                                                                        Then, all I can tell you is pay attention to your heart - YOU DID NOTHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS therefore this will hold good fortune for you in the future - just stick with it.

                                                                        When it happened to me, I didn't quit and now I begin to see the benefits of not quitting.

                                                                        You will make it through this.

                                                                        A fellow webmaster.

                                                                        - Chris
                                                                        Thanks for the response, Chris. I won't say I did nothing wrong but I will say that I honestly wanted to fix the mistakes I made. As long as I am breathing, I will need food and shelter so quitting is not an option.

                                                                        SpaceAce

                                                                          Comment

                                                                          • webmaster x
                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                            • Mar 2004
                                                                            • 4400
                                                                            #119
                                                                            Geez, after reading this, I feel sadder than ever. Man, I know it's easy to say because it didn't happen to me, but trust me, you'll get through it. At least you have happy (and sad) memories to cherish. Be thankful that she became a part of your whole life. Move on. She'll be more than surprise to know that you can still live without her by your side, it's tough job, but there's nothing left to do. Don't just sit and cry. There's still plenty of blessings ahead of you. Don't see her as you weakness, see her as your strenght. God Bless, man.
                                                                            Click 9500 FHG Text Descriptions--Only $89!

                                                                              Comment

                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                #120
                                                                                Originally posted by KaLi
                                                                                Well damn dude, I can say that I have been in your position, but it was not nearly for as long as that. I was with a girl for 3 years, yeah its not 10 but 3 years is plenty fall in love with someone. All I can say dude, is don't try so hard. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but dont show so much pain. But yes do as you have and let her know you are hurt. It is not to be manly. It is not to show you are tough. It is to show her that you can live your life without her, which you can. You dont feel that way now but you can. If you were meant to be, she will realize that he is not the man for her, and she will miss all the things she had with you.. Keep that hope, but do NOT thrive on it. You don't need to go out looking for a new girl right now, you can check shit out which will make you feel better, but you do not need a new girl at the moment. But let me tell you this.. There is another girl out there for you, you dont think that, you dont want that, but its the truth. There is another girl out there that you can find love with as strong as you did with Alana, maybe even more, you just haven't experienced that yet. You will be ok dude, trust me. It's gonna take time, its gonna be painful I wont lie to you.. But you WILL pull through.

                                                                                ICQ 160417630

                                                                                Your trusty GFY friend (lol)
                                                                                - Mike
                                                                                Thank you, KaLi. Her missing the things she had with me just makes me feel worse. I don't want her to have to go through the bad things I know she may be setting herself up for. It hurts to watch someone you love be hurt.

                                                                                I would liket o believe I can find another love like I had with Alana but I have my doubts. I know I am capable of loving someone else in the future but this was the first person I ever really wanted to be with forever. I really thought we'd be old and gray together at the end of our lives.

                                                                                SpaceAce

                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                  • ArikaAmes
                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                    • Dec 2003
                                                                                    • 3081
                                                                                    #121
                                                                                    SpaceAce, I am literaly speechless.

                                                                                    The very litlle I can manage to muster is that your words show you no doubt loved her and gave the relationship everything you could. Her loss. I am so sorry for your pain.

                                                                                    If you need a place to crash at and you're around Ohio, feel free to hit us up. We have an extra room.

                                                                                    Arika

                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                        #122
                                                                                        Originally posted by Thomas1007
                                                                                        my first true love I felt the same as you..
                                                                                        we parted and I at the same time lost my new son.
                                                                                        Life for me was Unbearable, but with time and alot
                                                                                        of crying and trying to figure out what went wrong I realized
                                                                                        it wasnt Just me. It was life. KRL was right, dont looka t this as an ending, but a new begining. Soon after my Loss I met my
                                                                                        wife and My life ( Thank god ) has been nothing but wonderful since. Cetainly we have bad days, but I thank god for her every day. I respect your honesty and wish you the Best in the future.
                                                                                        There will be a Brighter day and a New love, its takes time.
                                                                                        I'm very sad to hear about your son and I'm glad you found someone to be with. I know my pain isn't the only pain in the world but it's worse than anything else I have ever known.

                                                                                        SpaceAce

                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                          • SpaceAce
                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                            • Jul 2002
                                                                                            • 6493
                                                                                            #123
                                                                                            Originally posted by SuckOnThis
                                                                                            Dude, let me tell ya. Something like this can fuck you up the rest of your life, don't let it. You can choose to react to this however you like, I know right now it doesnt seem that way. After dealing with this for a few days you need to let her go and don't blame yourself or take it personally. Whatever you do DO NOT beg her back, get obsessive, or act like an asshole to her, you will only push her away more and destroy your ego. Your attitude with her should be something like "I'm sorry you decided to choose the path you did, it makes me sad but if thats what you really want then I wish you the best, will always love you" and stick to that and don't dwell on what you lost, rather be thankful for the experience. She will respect you and most likely eventually come back, if not at least your heads in the right place and you can move on and be healthy for the next woman.
                                                                                            Well, it's too late to not beg or be dramatic but I told her getting on the plane was the end of things so I will not be trying to get her back, now. Thanks for the advice on the reply.

                                                                                            SpaceAce

                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                                #124
                                                                                                Originally posted by mo-i
                                                                                                First off all I must say that I am truely sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. This is the first occasion in a long time that I feel my english isn´t sufficient to express what I wanna tell.
                                                                                                Your English is fine. If you thought from my post that I was blaming anyone else for my life situation, you are wrong. I didn't mean to put blame for anything on anybody else. We are all responsible for ourselves. I am only trying to show the full range of my feelings.

                                                                                                SpaceAce

                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                  • ocho-ocho
                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                    • 1769
                                                                                                    #125
                                                                                                    ...i got carried away with your story...i also had been there, those tough times that i felt like there's nothing i can do to pull myself up...

                                                                                                    that's how life goes...if you are not meant for each other then so be it...God has better plan's for you...maybe somebody else deserves your unconditional love...maybe its not Alana...what's important now is u knew that u had given up evrything just for her , it's really not your lost but definitely hers...crying is okey, it doesnt degrade your personlity...'coz tears are created for human to get rid of those burdens inside them....don't worry, eventually, you will understand why it happened on you...maybe now you might not know...but im sure someday you realize that there really has a purpose...almost all people experienced cases as those...you are only one of those millions of people who feels the same way...dont worry SPACE, things will eventually turn out fine...if you believe...then PRAY! 'coz aside from your two old friends...there is still someone unseened but really is willing to listen... everything will be okey! that's life man...and you just need to accept it its not the end of the world, instead, its your new beginning....
                                                                                                    ____________________________
                                                                                                    under construction

                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                        #126
                                                                                                        Originally posted by Focus Adult Milo
                                                                                                        This wont be helpfull at all, maybe, to you, but i rely too much on music to get some empathy or maybe somehow say to myself "i aint the only one going through the same thing!"

                                                                                                        You just gotta keep hanging on...


                                                                                                        Descendents - She Don´t Care
                                                                                                        Thank you very much. Music is extremely important to me and while I don't know the song you quoted, I will definitely download it and have a listen. The ending lyrics were right on target.

                                                                                                        SpaceAce

                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                          • SpaceAce
                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                            • Jul 2002
                                                                                                            • 6493
                                                                                                            #127
                                                                                                            Originally posted by jollyperv
                                                                                                            Sorry to hear about your troubles, but remember
                                                                                                            There are other fish in the sea....start living.
                                                                                                            I've been living. The difficult part is going to be starting to live without such an important part f my previous life.

                                                                                                            SpaceAce

                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                                                #128
                                                                                                                Originally posted by BluMedia
                                                                                                                Sorry to hear about losing the woman you have loved for 10 years. I think it took a real man to post a story like that on gfy and I respect that. I could not imagine how you feel but hang in there. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

                                                                                                                Mark
                                                                                                                Thanks, Mark. I appreciate the kind words.

                                                                                                                SpaceAce

                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                    • 6493
                                                                                                                    #129
                                                                                                                    Originally posted by CyberTraffic
                                                                                                                    http://www.askmen.com <--- Read some articles there, dig in the archives, there is a lot of useful info on there that men just don't talk about but needs to be said.
                                                                                                                    Thank you for reminding me about that site.

                                                                                                                    SpaceAce

                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                                        #130
                                                                                                                        Originally posted by SuckOnThis
                                                                                                                        Wow, how fitting.

                                                                                                                        Ten Years Gone - Zeppelin


                                                                                                                        Then as it was, then again it will be
                                                                                                                        An' though the course may change sometimes
                                                                                                                        Rivers always reach the sea
                                                                                                                        Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
                                                                                                                        On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
                                                                                                                        Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn't have to grow
                                                                                                                        But as the eagle leaves the nest, it's got so far to go

                                                                                                                        Changes fill my time, baby, that's alright with me
                                                                                                                        In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

                                                                                                                        Did you ever really need somebody, And really need 'em bad
                                                                                                                        Did you ever really want somebody, The best love you ever had
                                                                                                                        Do you ever remember me, baby, did it feel so good
                                                                                                                        'Cause it was just the first time, And you knew you would

                                                                                                                        Through the eyes an' I sparkle, Senses growing keen
                                                                                                                        Taste your love along the way, See your feathers preen
                                                                                                                        Kind of makes makes me feel sometimes, Didn't have to grow
                                                                                                                        We are eagles of one nest, The nest is in our soul

                                                                                                                        Vixen in my dreams, with great surprise to me
                                                                                                                        Never thought I'd see your face the way it used to be
                                                                                                                        Oh darlin', oh darlin'

                                                                                                                        I'm never gonna leave you. I never gonna leave
                                                                                                                        Holdin' on, ten years gone
                                                                                                                        Ten years gone, holdin' on, ten years gone


                                                                                                                        Either that or


                                                                                                                        You don't know how much I need you.
                                                                                                                        While you're around I don't feel blue.
                                                                                                                        And when we kiss I know that you need me too.
                                                                                                                        I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

                                                                                                                        But it all was bullshit.
                                                                                                                        It was a goddam joke.
                                                                                                                        And when I think of you and I,
                                                                                                                        I hope you fucking choke.

                                                                                                                        I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
                                                                                                                        I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
                                                                                                                        You left me here all alone, tears running constantly.

                                                                                                                        Oh somebody kill me please,
                                                                                                                        somebody kill me plee-ase,
                                                                                                                        I'm on my knees,
                                                                                                                        pretty pretty please kill me.

                                                                                                                        I want to die.
                                                                                                                        Put a bullet in my head.
                                                                                                                        Both appropriate in their own way. To be fair, I do not believe our love was bullshit or a joke but I am a little cynical about her telling me she loves me as she's walking out the door to catch a plane to leave me.

                                                                                                                        SpaceAce

                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                          • psyko514
                                                                                                                            See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                            • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                            • 22366
                                                                                                                            #131
                                                                                                                            Originally posted by SpaceAce
                                                                                                                            I hope you're wrong about things getting worse. I can't imagine sinking much lower. I'm sure life does go one but at the moment I don't particularly want it to.

                                                                                                                            SpaceAce
                                                                                                                            I think the most important thing I can say is don't do anything stupid. No matter how bad things seem, they can always be worse. Don't give up hope. No girl, no matter how incredible she is, is worth killing yourself over.

                                                                                                                            I know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through tough times myself and I don't know what the outcome will be. I can relate. It's hard to be on the highest of highs one day because of love and then the lowest of lows the next day because of the same love.

                                                                                                                            Like it's been said many times before, time does heal the wounds. You will get through this, and it'll make a better person out of you.

                                                                                                                            Keep yourself occupied. Being alone twiddling your thumbs will only make you feel worse. Get out of the house and do something. Take up a new hobby or a sport. Join a club. Keep yourself busy.

                                                                                                                            And listen to a lot of music. Music always helps me when I'm feeling down.

                                                                                                                            And I'm here if you need someone to talk to, someone who can relate to what your're going through. Feel free to hit me up on ICQ at any time. It's 214702014.

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                                                                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                                                                #132
                                                                                                                                Originally posted by mo-i
                                                                                                                                "She is better than I deserve"

                                                                                                                                Congratulations dude.

                                                                                                                                Would you truely wan´t to be with a guy like that?

                                                                                                                                Stop picturing yourself smaller and less worthy than you are.

                                                                                                                                Good luck.
                                                                                                                                That's also not what I meant. I don't mean that I am puny or unworthy and I am sure she didn't leave me because I think so highly of her. It just happens to be true. Through the ups and downs, she was there for me when other people would have given up on me and been right to do so.

                                                                                                                                SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                    • 6493
                                                                                                                                    #133
                                                                                                                                    Originally posted by dougeetx
                                                                                                                                    Dang SpaceAce! You're hitting home REALLY HARD THERE BRO!! If you need to talk, hit me up on ICQ (in my location)! I got an ear for you bro!
                                                                                                                                    Thanks, dougeetx. I really appreciate it. You and several others have been really great to offer me support off the board as well as on.

                                                                                                                                    You might find this to be kind of amusing: she is a black woman.

                                                                                                                                    SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                                                        #134
                                                                                                                                        Originally posted by hottoddy
                                                                                                                                        Wow. I am also in a 10-year relationship and don't know how I would cope with such a situation. I once had a nightmare similar to your story. While horrible, it was only a nightmare. I can't really offer words of encouragement other than you're going to have to take each day at a time, and focus on the fact that it was not a result of your actions. My only other advice is to try to emerse yourself in work, and get near some friends or family as soon as possible. It's not a time to be alone.
                                                                                                                                        That is exactly how it feels: like a bad dream that you can't wake up from. When you do something awful in a dream or something bad happens to you, you wake up and it's over. In this case, it's real and permanent.

                                                                                                                                        SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                          • JDog
                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                            • Feb 2003
                                                                                                                                            • 7453
                                                                                                                                            #135
                                                                                                                                            Man it sucks having your heart broken. I've had happen before, and everybody has their heart broken one time or another! But you just have to let time pass to heal your wounds! It'll make you a stronger man in the long run!

                                                                                                                                            jDoG
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                                                                                                                                              • psyko514
                                                                                                                                                See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                                                • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                                                • 22366
                                                                                                                                                #136
                                                                                                                                                Two more very important things.

                                                                                                                                                Cry. Don't be afraid. Let it all out. It can be very cathartic.
                                                                                                                                                Fuck the "real men don't cry" stigma. A real man does cry.
                                                                                                                                                So let the tears flow. Nothing wrong with it.

                                                                                                                                                And write. Keep a journal. Transcribe your feelings. Sit down whenever you get a chance, grab a pen, and let the ink flow. Not only will it help you pass the time, it'll help you clear your mind.

                                                                                                                                                -Matt

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                                                                                                                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                    • 6493
                                                                                                                                                    #137
                                                                                                                                                    Originally posted by cheekycherry
                                                                                                                                                    I am a big time lurker on this board, I read lots and lots and post very little.

                                                                                                                                                    I read your story and normally I wouldn't post. BUT,

                                                                                                                                                    Your words made me feel your pain.

                                                                                                                                                    And even though I'm a *man* who doesn't know you, it really did bring tears to my eyes.

                                                                                                                                                    They say "time is the best healer of man" I hope it does its job quickly. I sit here writing this with a lump in my throat while wishing you the best of luck in the future.

                                                                                                                                                    I want to say, things will turn out ok in your life and you will be able to move on or sort out your problems with her, but that won't ease the pain right now.

                                                                                                                                                    Good luck buddy!
                                                                                                                                                    Cheekycherry, thank you for the reply. In some way, I feel better knowing that you were effected by my post. I don't want to cause anyone else to hurt but it's good to know that some of the power of what I felt made it into my words enough for someone else to be able to feel it, too. Thank you for the kind words.

                                                                                                                                                    SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                                                                        #138
                                                                                                                                                        Originally posted by MrJackMeHoff
                                                                                                                                                        I had a girlfriend for 7 years and we moved to Las Vegas and broke up shortly after too. Hmm what does that tell you!?

                                                                                                                                                        She begged me back months later but I left her ass and found a real woman and Im better for it.

                                                                                                                                                        Sounds like she was just bored with you. Maybe she liked life on the edge. Or maybe you just sucked the life out of her with all your troubles.

                                                                                                                                                        Fuck that just relax awile get over it and move on.
                                                                                                                                                        I'd like to think I didn't suck the life out of here. Most of my troubles are now many years in the past. I do not believe from her actions that she was bored with me. I think she felt that we had stopped moving forward and was afraid that if she didn't go, she may not get the marriage and kids and things that she wanted. The problem is, she never told me how important those things were to her right now. She always spoke of them as things for our future.

                                                                                                                                                        SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                                          • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                            • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                            • 6493
                                                                                                                                                            #139
                                                                                                                                                            Originally posted by iwantchixx
                                                                                                                                                            Dude, that made me cry. I went though that when my first love and I broke up. We were so compatible, still are, and I still think of her and feel lost after all these years. I could never imagine going through what you are. That's 10 fucking years. Sad reality is that most relationships that are formed during young and troubled times never last. Girls feel that they are missing out and want something new. Not all are like that, and yours may or may not be, I don't know what really drove her to another man, but maybe it was only meant to be the way it turned out. Hold her dear in your heart and forever remember her. The love and you two shared for 10 years and the wisdom gained will guide you though many of life's obstacles.

                                                                                                                                                            Try to keep yourself busy, I know people say that the best thing to do is mingle with other singles, but the truth is, that's bullshit, you'll only feel worse. Cry if you have to, let it out, ICQ (302040348) me if you need to vent, vent on GFY, do what ever it takes, but do not bury this pain or it will forever haunt you.

                                                                                                                                                            This will make you an emotionally stronger individual if you let the pain cycles run their natural courses. Don't' harden, you seem like a very down to earth guy with true values and real emotion. Don't lose that, some day, she may come back to you (I hope this is the case), or some day (almost positive) you will meet a woman who appreciates everything you can and can't give her.

                                                                                                                                                            Peace, and rest well.
                                                                                                                                                            Thank you. I am surprised at how many people have offered to lend an ear on ICQ and I appreciate every one of you. Right now, I am swamped and running low on energy to talk about this after making so many replies but thank you for offering to listen to a total stranger.

                                                                                                                                                            I couldn't bury this pain if I wanted to. Like I said in another post, I could barely hold the totality of what Iwas feeling and that's what caused me to post this in the first place. Thank you again for the reply and the kind offer.

                                                                                                                                                            SpaceAce

                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                #140
                                                                                                                                                                Originally posted by webmaster x
                                                                                                                                                                Geez, after reading this, I feel sadder than ever. Man, I know it's easy to say because it didn't happen to me, but trust me, you'll get through it. At least you have happy (and sad) memories to cherish. Be thankful that she became a part of your whole life. Move on. She'll be more than surprise to know that you can still live without her by your side, it's tough job, but there's nothing left to do. Don't just sit and cry. There's still plenty of blessings ahead of you. Don't see her as you weakness, see her as your strenght. God Bless, man.
                                                                                                                                                                I did for many years see her as my strength and my focus which is part of why losing her is so hard. I appreciate your words but don't feel sad. I didn't want to impress sadness on anyone else, only to relieve a little of the pressure I was feeling.

                                                                                                                                                                SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                                                  • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                    • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                    • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                    #141
                                                                                                                                                                    Originally posted by ArikaAmes
                                                                                                                                                                    SpaceAce, I am literaly speechless.

                                                                                                                                                                    The very litlle I can manage to muster is that your words show you no doubt loved her and gave the relationship everything you could. Her loss. I am so sorry for your pain.

                                                                                                                                                                    If you need a place to crash at and you're around Ohio, feel free to hit us up. We have an extra room.

                                                                                                                                                                    Arika
                                                                                                                                                                    Thanks, Arika, that's very sweet of you. I don't think I'll be coming back to Ohio too soon, though, I am pretty firmly entrenched out here for a while at least. I don't know, though, the end result of all this may be me moving back the Cleveland area. Thank you for the reply.

                                                                                                                                                                    SpaceAce

                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                        #142
                                                                                                                                                                        Originally posted by ocho-ocho
                                                                                                                                                                        ...i got carried away with your story...i also had been there, those tough times that i felt like there's nothing i can do to pull myself up...

                                                                                                                                                                        that's how life goes...if you are not meant for each other then so be it...God has better plan's for you...maybe somebody else deserves your unconditional love...maybe its not Alana...what's important now is u knew that u had given up evrything just for her , it's really not your lost but definitely hers...crying is okey, it doesnt degrade your personlity...'coz tears are created for human to get rid of those burdens inside them....don't worry, eventually, you will understand why it happened on you...maybe now you might not know...but im sure someday you realize that there really has a purpose...almost all people experienced cases as those...you are only one of those millions of people who feels the same way...dont worry SPACE, things will eventually turn out fine...if you believe...then PRAY! 'coz aside from your two old friends...there is still someone unseened but really is willing to listen... everything will be okey! that's life man...and you just need to accept it its not the end of the world, instead, its your new beginning....
                                                                                                                                                                        Thank you, ocho-ocho. Intellectually I know that crying is not actually degrading or bad but it's hard to unlearn a lifetime of being told it is not acceptable. Until this all happened, I didn't think I could cry at all, anymore.

                                                                                                                                                                        I won't pretend to understand God's plan for me but I don't much care for this part of it. I've said my prayers but I don't know whether they were not answered or just answered in a different way from what I wanted. Only time will tell.

                                                                                                                                                                        SpaceAce

                                                                                                                                                                          Comment

                                                                                                                                                                          • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                            • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                            • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                            #143
                                                                                                                                                                            Originally posted by psyko514
                                                                                                                                                                            I think the most important thing I can say is don't do anything stupid. No matter how bad things seem, they can always be worse. Don't give up hope. No girl, no matter how incredible she is, is worth killing yourself over.

                                                                                                                                                                            I know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through tough times myself and I don't know what the outcome will be. I can relate. It's hard to be on the highest of highs one day because of love and then the lowest of lows the next day because of the same love.

                                                                                                                                                                            Like it's been said many times before, time does heal the wounds. You will get through this, and it'll make a better person out of you.

                                                                                                                                                                            Keep yourself occupied. Being alone twiddling your thumbs will only make you feel worse. Get out of the house and do something. Take up a new hobby or a sport. Join a club. Keep yourself busy.

                                                                                                                                                                            And listen to a lot of music. Music always helps me when I'm feeling down.

                                                                                                                                                                            And I'm here if you need someone to talk to, someone who can relate to what your're going through. Feel free to hit me up on ICQ at any time. It's 214702014.
                                                                                                                                                                            Thanks, psyko514, some of what you said hits close to home. Thank you also for the offer to talk. It's good to know that people out there are willing to spend their time helping ease someone's pain.

                                                                                                                                                                            SpaceAce

                                                                                                                                                                              Comment

                                                                                                                                                                              • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                                Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                                #144
                                                                                                                                                                                Originally posted by JDog
                                                                                                                                                                                Man it sucks having your heart broken. I've had happen before, and everybody has their heart broken one time or another! But you just have to let time pass to heal your wounds! It'll make you a stronger man in the long run!

                                                                                                                                                                                jDoG
                                                                                                                                                                                Yeah, i thought I was a strong man. Amazing how quickly you can be cut down to size, isn't it?

                                                                                                                                                                                SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                                                                  • AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE
                                                                                                                                                                                    best designer on GFY
                                                                                                                                                                                    • Mar 2003
                                                                                                                                                                                    • 30307
                                                                                                                                                                                    #145
                                                                                                                                                                                    She will be back, but hey...

                                                                                                                                                                                    When she does hope ya do the right thing and send her on her way.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Won't be easy, but some of your story I can relate to, I did the right thing which was not easy.

                                                                                                                                                                                    Tell your self its done, she made her bed, she can sleep in it.

                                                                                                                                                                                      Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                      • SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                                        Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                        • Jul 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                        • 6493
                                                                                                                                                                                        #146
                                                                                                                                                                                        Originally posted by AlienQ
                                                                                                                                                                                        She will be back, but hey...

                                                                                                                                                                                        When she does hope ya do the right thing and send her on her way.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Won't be easy, but some of your story I can relate to, I did the right thing which was not easy.
                                                                                                                                                                                        I hope I am strong enough. I know I can be but I wonder if I will choose to be.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Tell your self its done, she made her bed, she can sleep in it.
                                                                                                                                                                                        The problem is, I am going to miss having her sleep in mine.

                                                                                                                                                                                        SpaceAce

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                                                                                                                                                                                          • Maximillion
                                                                                                                                                                                            Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                            • Apr 2003
                                                                                                                                                                                            • 795
                                                                                                                                                                                            #147
                                                                                                                                                                                            Space, same thing happend to me... relationship was a bit shorter but carried the same elements n love as yours...

                                                                                                                                                                                            One thing you absolutely CANNOT do (which I did) was dwell on 'what could I have done different'. Thinking about this will eat you up inside.

                                                                                                                                                                                            Best remedy right now is to watch the movie Swingers. One of the buddies is fucked up about his ex like you are. Go and rent this.

                                                                                                                                                                                            Also take this as an opportunity for a new beginning. Do something different like go and move back to hang out with our old friends. Change your path, you don't know where it will take you and what different experiences you will have from it.

                                                                                                                                                                                            If its truly meant to be, a few years later your paths will cross again but right now, best thing to do is cut off any ties with her (for a while at least) cuz being around her will drive you crazy.

                                                                                                                                                                                            Go through it day by day, each day will be a tiny bit easier than the one before. Trust me. Good luck.

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                                                                                                                                                                                              • AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE
                                                                                                                                                                                                best designer on GFY
                                                                                                                                                                                                • Mar 2003
                                                                                                                                                                                                • 30307
                                                                                                                                                                                                #148
                                                                                                                                                                                                Ya goto get mad about it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Sorry, but ya goto be pissed.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Sounds like she set her plans out and gamed you.
                                                                                                                                                                                                Thats plenty enough reason.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Don't gothinking that things that were "Wrong" could have been fixed, maybe she planted them and had no intention on resolving them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                So don't blame yourself bud.

                                                                                                                                                                                                Emm...
                                                                                                                                                                                                In my case "she" came back pregnant and it was not mine.
                                                                                                                                                                                                I said "Beat it have a good life".

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Comment

                                                                                                                                                                                                  • Nylz
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                                                                                    • 8285
                                                                                                                                                                                                    #149
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Damn...

                                                                                                                                                                                                    I'm only 20 years old, but I've been through the same shit already, I know exactly how you feel...

                                                                                                                                                                                                    Keep your head up man!
                                                                                                                                                                                                    No sig.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                      • psyko514
                                                                                                                                                                                                        See sig. Join Epic Cash.
                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Oct 2002
                                                                                                                                                                                                        • 22366
                                                                                                                                                                                                        #150
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Originally posted by SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Thanks, psyko514, some of what you said hits close to home. Thank you also for the offer to talk. It's good to know that people out there are willing to spend their time helping ease someone's pain.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        SpaceAce
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Not a problem dude. I've felt what you're feeling and I'm feeling what you're feeling. It might not be to the same degree, but I know the pain of losing someone you love. I know what it's like to devote yourself and be entirely loyal to someone. I know what it's like to love someone as much as you do.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        And I know that talking about it helps. Sometimes, strangers are the best people to talk to, as they can give you an unbiased opinion and tell it like it is. Sometimes that's what you need.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Like I said, the most important part is to be strong. No matter what, life goes on, and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        And while I'm being cliche, is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Like people said, you'll always have your memories. They may be painful now, but eventually, they'll be amazing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        If I recall correctly, you're a That 70s Show fan, right? Remember when Donna broke up with Eric and he just in his room all day and Wayne Knight paid him a visit? Remember the part at the end where he offers to take away all the memories, all the hurt, and Eric say yes? And then Wayne Knight shows him first a lot of the good memories he'd be losing and Eric decides to keep them?

                                                                                                                                                                                                        I think that's very pertinent... I saw that re-run a few days ago (actually, just those last 5 minutes) and they meant a lot to me. Basically, what I'm saying is no matter what, you'll cherish those memories. And you're better off having those memories but losing the girl associated with them than never having met her at all.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        So chin up dude! You seem to be a very strong guy who has overcome a shitload of obstacles in your life. This is just yet another obstacle, and you'll overcome it too

                                                                                                                                                                                                        -Matt

                                                                                                                                                                                                        Bad Girl Bucks                                                                                                                                                                                                         - 50% Revshare through CCBill.
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