I'm writing a creative writing story for my 16 year old friend Danielle's assignment

why mention she is 16?

and why is she 16?

1. Creative Writing means it still has to make sense.

2. Watch your tenses. Be consistant.
"The next thing I know I was in the middle" should be "the next thing I KNEW I was in the middle"

3. Kidnapped/cow napped would make more sense as "rustled", since that is how cowboys stole cows from each other in the Wild West.

4. The narrator can not be a "steer" and a "sorceress" at the same time. Steers are male.

5. Identify your setting better. You say you're walking home from school, implying an urban or semi-urban setting, when all of a sudden you're in the woods being attacked by a free-ranging cow.

6. Identify yourself up front. Name? Country? Race? etc.

Could be a tight story. Kinda weird so far, but I like weird.

dunno, just so you guys would know it was for a highschool project

I'm only 18 if you guys were thinking I was a pedo or something =x

Thanks for the advice ellie<3

Attention to detail is always handy.

ONE 'E' in ELLI.

You are very welcome.

Is this HER assignment? If you're doing her homework she'll never learn anything.

What the hell is she gonna learn from writing a story about a magic cow? I did it out of complete bordeom ;)

Anyway, This is the final product.
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If you were to tell me I was destined to encounter a supernatural cow on the 16th year of my existence, I would have considered you to be crazy?. Up until last month that is.

It all started on my way home from school on a Friday afternoon, The sun was shining brightly and I could just sense that summer was near. Oh what a fantastic day, what could possibly go wrong? I was soon to find out.

Out of the street beside me came a 1,000 lb cow charging at full speed. Before I had a chance to think about moving out of the way, BAM! I was instantly knocked unconscious. The next thing I knew I was in the middle of a field surrounded by cattle staring me down. ?What the?? I thought out loud while rubbing my injured skull. The next thing I know I was startled by a rumbling voice in the distance.

?BEHOLD, THE CHOSEN ONE HAS AWOKEN?

A glowing cow emerged from the far side of the field, ?Greetings young steer? he spoke. ?You were kidnapped, I?m sorry, cow napped by my minion Bessy.? ?But why??, I confusingly pleaded. He responded, ?In your past life you were one of us, that?s right Danielle, You were once a Cow.? ?16 years and 11 months ago you were slaughtered to become a shipment of McDonald?s food?, he continued. ?You were the leader of our tribe, a true cow sorceress! It was rumored that every human who ate of your body eventually died of an undiscovered form of mad cow disease.?

?What? How is that possible?? I screamed.

?Let me finish?, spoke the wise cow. ?Our scientists have been working around the clock ever since your demise to track down who you were reincarnated as. Finally we discovered you were a Human attending school at Somersworth High.?

?Well, What do you want from me?? I said.

?The question is, Your holiness, What do you want from us? You are the soul reason our religion exists this very day! I am prepared to offer you 3 wishes from myself and the rest of the community to repay our debt to your past guidance.?

At this point I was very confused, I didn?t know if that cow killed me and I was in some sort of parallel universe where cows could speak! Whatever, I thought to myself. I might as well make the best of this weird fantasy.

?Okay, I?ll bite.? ?I wish for a Billion Dollars, World Peace, and The ability to fly? I said chuckling.

?YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND? screamed the obviously demented cow. Before I knew it I was back on the very sidewalk I was attacked on. ?What the hell?? ?I need a cigarette, that was too weird of a dream even for me to have!?

I reached in my purse to pull out a trusty Marlboro Red and instead about $3,000 USD fell on the ground beside me. ?Holy Cow? I proclaimed. By now as you can surely guess, I was very confused and scared. I started running to my home full speed, it seemed like I ran a mile in a minute flat! I couldn?t wait to tell my family what had happened to me, even though they?ll probably conclude that I skipped school, took some sort of psychedelic drug and robbed a bank during the day.

Good lord were the sidewalks in Somersworth steep! Still running as fast as I could I felt my feet slip off the ground, I expected to fall on my face and suffer a concussion but instead I was?. I was? FLYING ABOVE THE CITY! I instantly started hysterically laughing like a mad woman until I arrived to my house.

I hurried inside and turned on my expecting to see war in Iraq coverage, but instead I saw George Bush, Saddam Husein & Usama Bin Laden competing a potato sack race for charitable causes. I picked up my phone and called my mom at work telling her the war in Iraq was over and everybody was now getting along.

?What war in Iraq?? she responded. ?Ah, Never mind? I said. ?What time are you coming home?? I asked, only to be answered with the repetitive statements ?Wake up Danielle, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up.?

The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed with all my family and friends around me looking very upset and bothered about something. ?What are you all so sad about? Haven?t you heard the news? We?re rich!? ?I never have to walk again, I NEVER have to walk again! Ever!?

Everybody in the room started balling their eyes out. Just then the doctor came up to me and informed me I was the victim of a cow stampede, and even worse?

They had amputated my legs and arms.

The End

A Story by Danielle

Creative writing assignments teach alot of things. Creativity for one.

They'll also help improve her spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. Giving her ideas and suggestions is one thing, but you should make her do her own work. If she doesn't learn these things now, she'll regret it later in life when she can't get a decent job because she misspelled a dozen words on her application.

Better.

Out of the street beside me came a 1,000 lb cow charging at full speed. Before I had a chance to think about moving out of the way, BAM! I was instantly knocked unconscious. The next thing I knew I was in the middle of a field surrounded by cattle staring me down. ?What the?? I thought out loud while rubbing my injured skull. The next thing I know I was startled by a rumbling voice in the distance.

?BEHOLD, THE CHOSEN ONE HAS AWOKEN?

A glowing cow emerged from the far side of the field, ?Greetings young steer? he spoke.

How injured is she from the cow? Only unconcious? How sore?

First she was in a street, so where did the field come from?

She magically appeared there ;)

Creativity keeps people sane even those who walk the line.

Second try is much better, Creative.

Not bad at all!

You're doing just fine! Keep it up!

Here's that steer/cow thing again. Is Danielle a tranny?


You don't need two sets of quotation marks if it is the same person talking. Try it this way: "What the hell? I need a cigarette; that was too weird of a dream even for me to have!" (And to be honest, I would drop the "to have" at the end and leave it with an exclamation point after the word "me")



Your Holiness. It's a title, much like "Your Majesty."


Never end a sentence a preposition with. (Try this: "Our scientists have been working around the clock since your demise to track you down. We finally discovered that you were reincarnated as a human who attends school at Somersworth High." *thought: does the name of the school need to be there, or can you just leave that out altogether?*)


I pleaded, confused. Unless you're doing the confusing..?


Watch your punctuation, grammar, spelling and use of capitalization. I see a great many capitalized words that don't need it. You might also remember that every time you switch speakers in a story, you need to make a new paragraph.

Like this for example:




?Greetings young steer? he said. ?You were kidnapped, I?m sorry, cow napped by my minion Bessy.?

?But why??, I pleaded, confused.

He responded, ?In your past life you were one of us. That?s right Danielle, you were once a cow.?

?Sixteen years and eleven months ago you were slaughtered to become a shipment of McDonald?s food?, he continued. ?You were the leader of our tribe, a true cow sorceress! It was rumored that every human who ate of your body eventually died of an undiscovered form of mad cow disease.?

Good luck.

keep it up. The story's going smoothly, so far.

Getting used and abused by a 16 year old?

Nice

Creative, post the finished work please! I'd love to see it! I hope you didn't take what I said earlier too badly. I need to try to be a little more positive sometimes.

Thanks. I actually should have cut out about half of his commas, but hey. 30 hours of no sleep can kill ya.

omg I just read the last paragraph that I had only skimmed before. THat's awful!

Now you got me in a writing mood..

thanks

LOL

Nothing like writing to make one's evening pass more quickly.

did you hit it?

would kobe hit it anyway?

You a doing her a disservice by doing her homework.

Creative (legal) + Friend (illegal) = JAIL TIME!!

Oh come on, he knows that. He's just trying to get in her pants.

The outcome must be quite something!

Nice story.

Creative (18) + Friend (16) + Her mom's permission = Legal!