Napoleon Dynamite: Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
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Napoleon Dynamite: [to Pedro] Just follow your heart. That's what I do.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: [while hitch-hiking] Are you guys like Pedro's cousins with the sweet hook-up?Comment
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Sam: Hey, I recognize you.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Oh, did you go to Columbia High?Comment
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Sam: No, not from high school, from TV. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?Comment
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Sam: Are you really retarded?Comment
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Andrew Largeman: No.Comment
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Karl Benson: I thought you killed yourself.Comment
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Karl Benson: That wasn't you?Comment
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Andrew Largeman: No, no, tha-that wasn't me.Comment
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Sam: I still feel at home in my house.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.Comment
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Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?Comment
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Titembay: Someone has been pissing on my Gamecube and I'm about to close the case.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: You're the alligator?Comment
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Gideon Largeman: And besides that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?Comment
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Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: [about to swallow a tab of ecstasy] I guess I'll see you guys later.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: We're not playing Spin the Bottle; how old are we? More importantly, how old are they?Comment
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Jesse: Oh, they're all legal. I think...Comment
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Tim: [to Mark's mom, Carol] I had a lovely evening.Comment
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[to Andrew]Comment
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Tim: By the way, it says "BALLS" on your face.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Yes?Comment
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Dr. Cohen: There's absolutely nothing wrong with youComment
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Andrew Largeman: Really?Comment
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Dr. Cohen: Just kidding; how the hell would I know?Comment
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Andrew Largeman: We may not always be as happy as you always dreamed we'd be, but for once, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are.Comment
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Mark: The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.Comment
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Albert: [about the rickety old boathouse] Unfortunately, if this is the apocalypse, I'm not entirely sure it still floats.Comment
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Diego: Does it come with balloons?Comment
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Mark: What am I, a birthday clown? NO! It doesn't come with balloons. Suck it off the tap!Comment
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Olivia: I'm sorry, we just haven't had the time to train them. Who has the time?Comment
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Olivia: Sam, I thought I told you to take the metal wheel out of the hamster cage.Comment
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Sam: Oh! I forgot!Comment
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Andrew Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!Comment
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Sam: I'm not innocent.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Yes, you are! That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other or whatever else is down here!Comment
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Karl Benson: I should get your number.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Yeah... well... I'll call you. I'll get your number from him, because I think he's got it in his... book...Comment
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Sam: It must be the Hollywood in you.Comment
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Mark: How about some fucking furniture, man?Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Where is it?Comment
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Andrew Largeman: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of missed.Comment
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Sam: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of WISH I missed.Comment
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Andrew Largeman: You're a COP, Kenny?Comment
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Kenny: Yeah, I know...Comment
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Andrew Largeman: Why?Comment
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Kenny: People really listen to you, you know? I mean...Comment
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