White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
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White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.Comment
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Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.Comment
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Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.Comment
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Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.Comment
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Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.Comment
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Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.Comment
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Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match. Unbelievable. I have been to the Great Wall of China. I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt. I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here.Comment
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Pepper Brooks: Ooh, Ouchtown, population you, bro!Comment
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hello
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Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!Comment
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Don: [playing kickball] Hey, Napoleon. Did you wet the bed last night?Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Hey, Don, did you take a dump in your bed last night?Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Why don't you go tell your mom to shut up?Comment
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Don: What did you say?Comment
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Don: Did you say something about my mom?Comment
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Don: Do you wanna die, Napoleon?Comment
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Don: Step up, Napoleon.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: [slaps him and runs]Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Shut up, I am not.Comment
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Jock No. 1: Yeah? Why are you in the Happy Hands Club then?Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I didn't have a freakin' choice. All the other sweet clubs were filled up. GOSH!Comment
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Pedro: I got sick.Comment
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Pedro: Two days ago, I went to my cousin's birthday party and they had all this food. So I started to eat this taco with lots of meat. It was like a carne asada taco. And all of a sudden, I started to feel real ill inside. So the next day, I just like laid in the bathtub for a couple of hours. And then I had to go to the hospital because my aunt Concha was having a baby. We had to wait a really long time in the lobby so I bought a little bag of corn tortillas from the vending machine. And right when I started eating them, I felt really good inside. The weird feeling I was having just like lifted out of me. It, like, evaporated into nothing.Comment
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[takes a bite of tortilla in flashback, looks up to heavens]Comment
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Pedro: So I dunno. I think they was like... holy chips or something.Comment
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Cashier: Get out of here. I'm not selling lottery to a minor.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: I'm just gonna go get my ID.Comment
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[bumps into cooler]Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: [outside gas station, to Pedro] Gosh! They wouldn't sell me one. I don't look old enough. Dang!Comment
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Pedro: Do you think I look old enough?Comment
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Cashier: [looks at Pedro's moustache, then sells ticket]Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: [outside, to Pedro] Did you get one?Comment
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[scratches ticket]Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Yes! Three spuds! You picked a good one! That's ten dollars! Yes!Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: You wanna play me?Comment
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[last lines]Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: I spent like three hours shading the upper lip.Comment
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Trisha: Yeah... That's great.Comment
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Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!Comment
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Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.Comment
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Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!Comment
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Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.Comment
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Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.Comment
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