Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Hey, where did your smile go? (Check back pocket) Here it is!
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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.Comment
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Hey, you owe me a drink. (Answers): why? Or I do? ---Because I dropped mineComment
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?Comment
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when you walked past!Comment
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.Comment
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Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!Comment
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?Comment
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Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Kablaam"?Comment
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In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.Comment
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Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?Comment
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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.Comment
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Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.Comment
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?Comment
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Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go aheadComment
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My doctor gave me six months to live seven months ago, but as I did not pay the bill he gave me another six months.Comment
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say no.Comment
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I'm not as think as you confused I am.Comment
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Hi, I make more money than you can spend.Comment
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It takes a disaster to make a woman out of a female.Comment
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Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow,Comment
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I have a good memory; it's just very short.Comment
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she's putting me up for adoption.Comment
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No matter how busy I am, I'm never too busy to stop and complain about how busy I am.Comment
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Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?Comment
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Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today, for, if you like it, you can do it again tomorrow.Comment
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Hi, I'm Batman. Wanna see my batmobile?Comment
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Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find themComment
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Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.Comment
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Don't let yourself become the mouse or the cat will eat youComment
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Hi, my name's Right...Mr. Right.Comment
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Necessity is the mother of inventionComment
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Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.Comment
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If you visit me on the web, at least I won't have to make you a coffee!Comment
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Hi. Are you cute?Comment
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My telephone is not your advertising medium. However, I'll gladly accept sales calls for a nominal charge of £1,000 per call. Thank you and have a nice day!Comment
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Hi. Can I domesticate you?Comment
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I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.Comment
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Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?Comment
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.Comment
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Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sureComment
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Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.Comment
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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.Comment
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use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss myComment
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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.Comment
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platform.Comment
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.Comment
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How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.Comment
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The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.Comment
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