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Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Boonies
Posts: 12,860
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Quote:
Originally posted by KRL
I think this letter I wrote to my son for his 10th birthday pretty much sums it up.
Wow, how my time with you has flown. 10 years ago today I was having lunch by myself at a nice restaurant in Boca, oblivious to everything around me. Lost deep in thought, the most I'd ever been before. Sitting there alone pondering, wondering, thinking, even sending a few tears rolling out of my eyes as I prepared myself for what I knew would be the most dramatic change in the course of my life.
It was a long 9 months til this day was upon me. You already had your first plane ride when we left our years in California behind and headed to the East coast so we'd never have to worry about your safety like we did when the monstrous 6.8 Northridge quake rocked our world on Jan 17th, 94. You were the impetus for us to move. You hadn't even arrived yet and yet you were already having a profound effect on our life decisions. I was in awe of your power already.
And now here I was knowing you were mere hours from arriving after a long 9 month journey. I wondered from where you were coming and the whole process of life and death began to swirl in my mind. My own father had passed away suddenly 7 years before and in a strange way I hoped maybe it was his soul coming back again now to be my son. The celestial cosmos is so vast and mysterious and surely holding secrets and dimensions our minds can not comprehend, but I did hope it would be him coming back and being reborn through you.
I wondered what you would be like. What color your eyes would be. Would you be a gentle kind soul like me or more intense like your mother was. I wondered if you would be blessed with a brilliant mind, a handsome face, a hearty laugh. The more I thought the more I prayed to God just asking simply for one that would grow up to be someone good, with a strong sense of integrity and character, who would be caring and respectful of others, maybe even that you would be one of the "gifted and special" ones who comes here for a stay, as a single man, but leaves having influenced and changed the lives of millions, and made the world a better place.
I prayed most of all just that you would make it out healthy and alive, without any complications. Your doctors had given us quite a scare months earlier when an ultrasound film slide from another mom was accidently placed in your file and the doctor spotted indications of potential downs sydrome. The doctor had called us with the wrong film in hand and said we needed to come in right away to make a decision whether to abort you or risk the potential of dealing with a brain damaged child. Our hearts sank and we both cried our eyes out in utter shock being faced with that decision. In my heart I said instantly, and perhaps selfishly, this couldn't be right, we were both bright, how could we be faced with this type of decision to make, it just couldn't be meant for us. We rushed immediately to the doctors office and I said to him there must be a mistake, this can't be true. It was then relief came and the doctor noticed a mismatch in the file code on the film and realized indeed that wasn't you we were looking at inside the womb. I felt joy again, but at the same time a moment of silence and sadness knowing that now some other mom and dad to be who had thought everything was fine with theirs would be crushed into a mountaineous decision.
I finished my meal and my phone rang. It was your mom. She went off on me. How could I be sitting in a nice restaurant having lunch while she was laying in a hospital room she yelled. I couldn't believe it. Here we were about to experience the most joyous day two people ever get to share, and just hours before we were fighting. She hung up on me. I started to cry. I couldn't believe it. I said another prayer asking God to give you my even temperness and not get her type of intense quick to get mad type of personality. The doctors had given her a shot by the time I got to the hospital and she was relaxed and apologized. And there I sat for a long 8 hours. We talked, looked lovingly into each other's eyes, held hands and never let go. We sat there like two children filled with the anticipation of waiting to see what Santa had brought us on Christmas day.
The sun set, the winds were howling outside, a storm was approaching and still you gave no sign of coming. Hours passed and finally at about 9 PM the doctor walked in and said simply, "Its time, let's have a baby." The words resonated deep into my soul. My eyes swelled with tears as I realized this was it. The moment was now. Another soul was about to land on planet earth and it would be my child.
6 minutes went by. You were quite the stubborn one. I think you were happy and content where you were and didn't really want to leave that cozy spot inside the womb. The doctor was starting to look puzzled. A bit of concern struck my mind and I said whats wrong, why isn't he coming out. I tensed up inside thinking there was something wrong. My heart was racing. My hands were trembling. And then like magic, something started to appear. Oh god I said, that's his little head. Then again, you just stopped. The doctor joked boy oh boy he's going to be a stubborn little kid. If I only knew how true that would to be. He grabbed a huge pair of forceps. I shouted out won't those crush his skull. The doctor said no, your skull was soft and it would bounce back to shape in minutes. So there I was, watching you being pulled out like someone reaching into a big salad bowl. It humored the moment for me.
And then with what seemed like a thrush of waves onshore, all of you came sliding out. I waited for that magical sound. Wanting to hear the cry of your birth. It didn't come. I shouted is he ok is he ok. It looked like you were trying to say something, but nothing was coming out. He lifted you by your feet upside down and gave you a gentle smack. And then it came. Wow you were a loud one. Tears of joy that you were finally here and had arrived ok gushed out of my heart and eyes. I ran over to you and put your tiny little hand to mine and you grabbed my finger and sqeezed it hard. I felt your soul in that moment. I felt your love. I felt the bond that would be ours for a lifetime.
And then time seemed to stop. I realized I had just created another human being. I felt the creative energy of life and death had passed through my soul and now to yours. It was an incredible sense of power and pride, an incredible sense of responsibility and committment, I felt as close to God and the Universe as one ever can.
Your mom grabbed my other finger as you held on to mine. I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine and without saying a word our eyes said the words "this is a family now, this is what life is all about, this is what life should always be, this is caring, this is joy, this is genuine love."
So Happy 10th Birthday My Son! I Love You and Thank You for all the joy and beautiful memories you have given me over these first 10 wonderous years of your life. You are all I imagined you would be and more.
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That brought so many feelings and thoughts back to me that I had whee my son was born 5 weeks ago, and a tear. You're a good man. |