Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him.
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Peter: To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless!Comment
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Waiter: Your eggs are cut sir.Comment
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Lois Griffin: This is my son.Comment
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Lois Griffin: Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet again.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Oh, you made flag girl. Great.Comment
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[Peter starts laughing]Comment
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[she maces him]Comment
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[pause]Comment
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Al Gore: Dick ArmyComment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.Comment
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Peter Griffin: [slapping Chris] No, no, no. It's "step right, step LEFT." Are you TRYING to piss off the volcano?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: OK, Harold, what do you think of our Mad LibComment
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Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...Comment
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Meg Griffin: Chris! You're hogging all the fans!Comment
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Lois Griffin: Peter, did you get a new buttocks?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Oh, how ruthlessly absurd.Comment
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[he sees a Griffin fly by]Comment
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Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name.Comment
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[Meanwhile, in England]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up.Comment
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Tom Hanks: I have AIDS.Comment
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Stewie: I smell death on you.Comment
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Lois Griffin: What?Comment
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Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?Comment
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Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'.Comment
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George: [after being on the dog walker] Did you not hear me out there?Comment
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[they laugh]Comment
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Brian: I wasn't making a bet. Why don't you just shut up for about a week?Comment
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Meg Griffin: Oh... Well, My boyfriend Prince William got me this beautiful watch and this Diamond Tiara and this wonderful Scepter (Meg laughs manically then sobbing).Comment
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Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him.Comment
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[gunshots are heard following by a "body drop" sound effect]Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Hey. Hey. Stay out of here. Hey. You better not come in here. I'm the Griffin's house. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry.Comment
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Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name.Comment
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[Peter is watching a beer commercial]Comment
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Doctor: ...Can't it be both?Comment
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Rich Mother: Perhaps I can't bake a ham, but what I can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table.Comment
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Paul Simon: Yeah, You've been pitching that for an hour. It's just not a very attractive name.Comment
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Peter Griffin: No the rest were FROM the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?Comment
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[he pushes a button on the G.I. Jew action figure]Comment
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Pearl Burton: What is this, snot soup?Comment
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Jim: Yes. Thank you.Comment
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Chris Griffin: Jus' layin' back in the cot, peepin' at this here homey. Yo, Pops, lemme have some cheddar. Some playa-hata be throwin' salt in my game - grillin' me over my gear. An' I needs to be mackin' style!Comment
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[a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory]Comment
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Peter Griffin: I'm going to go to the bathroom.Comment
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[Flashbacks to one year ago]Comment
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Peter Griffin: [singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this] Ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/Comment
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Lois Griffin: Oh no, this is Stewie's first violent act.Comment
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