Chris Griffin: I need an adult. I need an adult.
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Chris Griffin: Here, it's a Candy-cane. But don't stick it up your nose, it burns like hell.Comment
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Old Man: Don't make me beg now.Comment
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Meg Griffin: Can I be in the play, Mom?Comment
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Aunt Jemimah: You folks want some pancakes?Comment
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Peter Griffin: I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois.Comment
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Chris: It's this girl. I can't talk to her. It's like girls are a different species or something.Comment
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Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.Comment
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Chris Griffin: Awwwwwwwwwww...Comment
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Lois Griffin: Brian what... Chris go to your room. Meg take Stewie upstairs.Comment
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Meg Griffin: I wish Chris would quit drawing pictures of my head on a pig's body.Comment
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Brian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?Comment
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[Aunt Jemimah pops up in the window with a plate of pancakes]Comment
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Rich Father: [to daughter] Patty, did you know your mother is a whore?Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, I hate it when your mother worries. She usually says things like "I told you so" and "Stop doing that, I'm asleep."Comment
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Stewie Griffin: I don't have toComment
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Pawtucket Pat: Take a drink, and you'll sink, to a world of pure inebriation.Comment
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Paul Simon: Yeah, You've been pitching that for an hour. It's just not a very attractive name.Comment
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Peter Griffin: You all know how observant I am.Comment
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Peter Griffin: I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales but I wont let Peter buy anything he likes like that neon beer sign with the chick who had two mugs for jugs. It was only $8 and we had a dozen places to put it.Comment
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Englishman: Oh, let's get him.Comment
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Waiter: Your eggs are cut sir.Comment
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Al Gore: Dick ArmyComment
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[Family is trying to hide from mobsters]Comment
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Meg Griffin: I wish Chris would quit drawing pictures of my head on a pig's body.Comment
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Lois Griffin: What?Comment
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Meg: What?Comment
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Peter Griffin: [Instucting Chris on a volcano hula dance] No! It's step, pivot, step, hula! Do you want to piss off the volcano?Comment
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[beep]Comment
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[dialing number]Comment
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Stewie: Hidden missile behind the Great Wall? Ancient Chinese secret, huh?Comment
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[everyone gasps]Comment
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Peter Griffin: If by "read", you mean "imagine the naked lady", then yes.Comment
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Chris Griffin: I... I don't have any hams.Comment
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Pool Boy: I'm sorry sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.Comment
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Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.Comment
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[walks into an outhouse]Comment
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Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Hey, what do you say for no, doo-doo?Comment
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[Peter has had plastic surgery]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.Comment
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Meg Griffin: No.Comment
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[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]Comment
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Brian Griffin: My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll, her doll for god's sake. Where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your crack driveway, staring back at you, mocking at you, blah, blah, blah, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!Comment
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Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?Comment
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Peter Griffin: [Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife. Don't say doing your wife."] Doing your, uh, son...Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?Comment
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Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Soooo Broccoli, mother says you're very good for me. But I'm afraid I'm no good for you.Comment
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[holds up a leaf to Chris]Comment
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