Peter Griffin: You gonna eat that stapler?
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[still no response]Comment
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Death: Oh crap, I have no time for this!Comment
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Drug Dealer: What? You son of a...Comment
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Stewie Griffin: [pointing to rifle and crotch alternately] This is my rifle/This is my gun/This is for work/And this is for fun!Comment
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Peter Griffin: [slapping Chris] No, no, no. It's "step right, step LEFT." Are you TRYING to piss off the volcano?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Damn you, broccoli.Comment
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Peter Griffin: I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois.Comment
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Lois Griffin: Peter, punish Chris.Comment
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Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments...Comment
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Lois Griffin: It's Ok. Right before the Apocalypse, Peter bought a year's worth of food.Comment
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[Brian is addicted to cocaine]Comment
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Brian Griffin: My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll, her doll for god's sake. Where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your crack driveway, staring back at you, mocking at you, blah, blah, blah, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!Comment
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Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...Comment
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Chris Griffin: Jus' layin' back in the cot, peepin' at this here homey. Yo, Pops, lemme have some cheddar. Some playa-hata be throwin' salt in my game - grillin' me over my gear. An' I needs to be mackin' style!Comment
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Paul Simon: Yeah, You've been pitching that for an hour. It's just not a very attractive name.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple.Comment
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Peter Griffin: If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A child molester, and I'll be damned if I stand here and get lectured by pervert.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."Comment
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Max Weinstein: Hello. My car broke down. Can I use your phone?Comment
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[keeps laughing]Comment
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[Flashback to Chris & Brian coming out of a theater that's showing "No Way Out"]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".Comment
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[Tom and Diane stare in horror]Comment
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Peter Griffin: If by "read", you mean "imagine the naked lady", then yes.Comment
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Brian Griffin: The Bradys?Comment
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Hillbilly #1: Dangit, Buck, I wanna use the sex box.Comment
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Brian: Too soon?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: I'll wait until you're finished. Are you done? Because I thought this show was called "Kids Say the Darndest Things, " not "Old Black Comedians Who Never Shut The Hell Up."Comment
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Brian Griffin: Come on, I'll show the channel Lois doesn't know about.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.Comment
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[pause]Comment
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Peter Griffin: What'd I say?Comment
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Lois Griffin: Why don't you take Joe caroling?Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, man, that's hysterical.Comment
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Lois Griffin: So how was your day?Comment
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[Flashback to Chris & Brian coming out of a theater that's showing "No Way Out"]Comment
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Lois Griffin: This is my son.Comment
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[repeated line]Comment
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Stewie Griffin: "Cinderella had two step-'watermelons', who were very 'smelly' to her. So her fair god'toilet' turned her pumpkin into a big 'fanny', and dragged her off to the 'poop'.Comment
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Stewie: Fine. Why do you ask?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Right, and you are a regular Rhodes Scholar yourself. Where did you graduate from? The University of Duuuuhhh?Comment
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Waiter: Uh, I can't sir, it's liquid.Comment
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[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]Comment
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Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.Comment
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Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.Comment
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Peter: ...and there's no way I'm going in the back way.Comment
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Jabba the Griffin: Mak ya nak ya mook ya booka nipple pinchy.Comment
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Peter Griffin: It's no bother, is it Lois?Comment
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