Glen Quagmire: Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.
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Chris Griffin: I... I don't have any hams.Comment
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Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots... Joel.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...Comment
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Peter Griffin: [singing] Now my troubles are all through/I have a Jew.Comment
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Tom Tucker: So, Dustin, it's been a while. I gotta say, you look great.Comment
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[beep]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, man, that's hysterical.Comment
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Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.Comment
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Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.Comment
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[everyone gasps]Comment
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[Peter saw Lois in a coffee shop talking with her old college boyfriend]Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.Comment
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Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.Comment
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Brian: Why don't you shut up for about a week?Comment
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Pool Boy: I'm sorry sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."Comment
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[turns on TV]Comment
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[he backs into a parked car]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, Jenny... ooh, Jenny, Ooh, Jenny don't stop... Oh, Richard Jenny, your HBO comedy specials have brought laughter to millions. And what a sweet ass.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.Comment
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[Brian is addicted to cocaine]Comment
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Dustin Hoffman: [as Ben Braddock] Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Tucker?Comment
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[opens the bedroom, a dead body is lying on the bed]Comment
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Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Soooo Broccoli, mother says you're very good for me. But I'm afraid I'm no good for you.Comment
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Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: [after Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers.Comment
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Chris Griffin: I need an adult. I need an adult.Comment
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Lois Griffin: Peter. You're bribing your daughter with a car?Comment
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Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?Comment
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Peter Griffin: What's wrong, Stewie, don't you wanna pee in the toilet bowl like a big boy? Boy I remember when I learned to use a potty all by myself. I was so proud.Comment
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Stewie: Baby needs to suck ash. Baby needs to suck ash. Not ass, you pervert. Save it for the interns.Comment
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Chris Griffin: Hey, mom, look at these bananas.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Anybody get that?Comment
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Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?Comment
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Peter Griffin: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.Comment
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Adam West: What in God's name is he doing?Comment
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Chris Griffin: Thanks.Comment
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[Meanwhile, in England]Comment
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Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.Comment
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Peter Griffin: BABBA BOUI. BABBA BOUI. BABBA BOUI. HOWARD STERN'S PENIS. BABBA BOUI. BABBA BOUI.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Hey, that's my kid.Comment
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Lois Griffin: It's Ok. Right before the Apocalypse, Peter bought a year's worth of food.Comment
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Chris Griffin: You should invent the frisbee! The frisbee is an awesome toy!Comment
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[Peter laughs hysterically]Comment
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Lois Griffin: Stewie that's tuna salad.Comment
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[Stewie is on the show "Kids Say the Darndest Things, " and Bill Cosby, the host, won't stop talking]Comment
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Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?Comment
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Peter Griffin: Can't Touch me.Comment
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