Brian Griffin: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
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Father: Well son, that's Mercury, the closest planet to the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I haven't the foggiest, we should probably go ask a scientist.Comment
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Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Do... do I hit 'im?Comment
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Peter Griffin: What'd I say?Comment
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Drug Dealer: What? You son of a...Comment
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Quagmire: Heh he. I've developed an immunity to that stuff.Comment
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Bing Crosby: That's right Peter, and if your kids give you any lip you can beat them with a sack of sweet Velency Oranges. They won't leave a bruise and it'll let 'em know who's boss, there's nooo doubt about it.Comment
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Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.Comment
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Stewie: Baby needs to suck ash. Baby needs to suck ash. Not ass, you pervert. Save it for the interns.Comment
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Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Hey, How about here's to you, Mrs. Fleckenstein?Comment
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Stewie Griffin: The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"Comment
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Tom Tucker: I'll keep my eye out for him. Thanks, Dustin.Comment
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[on being the First Lady of "Petoria"]Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.Comment
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Jeremy: Uhh, yeah... my white cell count.Comment
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Tom Tucker: Yes, I understand your hectic schedule. Well, Dustin, we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us here at the studio. If there's anything I can ever do for you...Comment
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Stewie Griffin: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?Comment
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[while Peter is changing Stewie]Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.Comment
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Drug Buyer: No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff.Comment
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Stewie: Fine. Why do you ask?Comment
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[trying to potty-train Stewie]Comment
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George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed.Comment
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Peter Griffin: [singing] Lois makes me take the rap/'Cause our check book looks like crap/Since I can't give her a slap/I need a Jew.Comment
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Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Why you smart little bastard.Comment
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Store owner: Hey, there's no hams under here, you're just a fat kid. Here, fatty fat fatty. Have some chocolate, fatso.Comment
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Max Weinstein: Hey!Comment
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[Flashback to Chris & Brian coming out of a theater that's showing "No Way Out"]Comment
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Old Man: Get your fat ass back here.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.Comment
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Lois Griffin: I'll be just like Hillary Clinton, only you know, without the penis.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Oh, how ruthlessly absurd.Comment
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Foster Mother: Poor little thing. Pancakes must be street for crack.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.Comment
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Peter: ...and there's no way I'm going in the back way.Comment
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Englishman #1: I say, you know what's really funny? A man dressed in women's clothing.Comment
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[Apes cock shotguns]Comment
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Peter Griffin: You hear that Lois? You love kids.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Hey, what do you say for no, doo-doo?Comment
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Meg Griffin: The frisbee's already been invented.Comment
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[Family is talking about Peter's Drinking problem]Comment
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[Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dressed like a prostitute]Comment
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Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son.Comment
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Migrant Worker: Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just "me llamo Brian."Comment
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