Peter Griffin: Oh... Fine... Fine... I guess were also not going with Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Lowery's Seasoning Salt. (Peter Scoffs) That's it I'm going to 'Nam.
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Chris Griffin: Hey, mom, look at these bananas.Comment
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Lois Griffin: It's Ok. Right before the Apocalypse, Peter bought a year's worth of food.Comment
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Peter Griffin: You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Dear Stupid Dog, I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm. Good-bye forever, Stewie. P.S.- I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. It's actually not a horrible sweater, it's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it, you know? Oh and I also left a button on the bureau, um I'm not sure what it goes to but um I, I can never bring myself to throw a button away, I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll, wait a minute actually could it have been from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm. Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again good-bye forever. PPS- You know what, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.Comment
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Stewie: Fine. Why do you ask?Comment
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Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Oh wait. I should have said "chi wa-wa".Comment
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Peter Griffin: And, um, neither will that guy.Comment
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Peter Griffin: OK, you can have an apple pie but you cant blow on it.Comment
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Peter Griffin: I'm looking for some toilet training books.Comment
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Peter Griffin: You hear that Lois? You love kids.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, I hate it when your mother worries. She usually says things like "I told you so" and "Stop doing that, I'm asleep."Comment
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Peter Griffin: Lois, the bar has been taken over by a bunch of lousy, limey, no-good, tea-sucking British bastards.Comment
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Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.Comment
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Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.Comment
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["Hollywood Squares" parody]Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?Comment
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[walks into an outhouse]Comment
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Jeremy: Uhh, yeah... my white cell count.Comment
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Chris Griffin: [after eating vegetables] It tastes like a monkey. A monkey that's past its prime!Comment
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[Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dressed like a prostitute]Comment
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[Peter points to a nearby floor lamp, and Chris attacks it and starts fighting with it]Comment
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Lois Griffin: This is my son.Comment
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Peter Griffin: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.Comment
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Peter Griffin: If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A child molester, and I'll be damned if I stand here and get lectured by pervert.Comment
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[repeated line]Comment
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Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhhhh. Take that.Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.Comment
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[looks at agent's name tag]Comment
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Peter Griffin: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat?Comment
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Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho.Comment
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Brian: Too soon?Comment
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Peter Griffin: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.Comment
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George: GO TO YOUR ROOM. For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken.Comment
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Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?Comment
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Coffin Salesman: What?Comment
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[Peter is watching a beer commercial]Comment
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Peter Griffin: Oh, Jenny... ooh, Jenny, Ooh, Jenny don't stop... Oh, Richard Jenny, your HBO comedy specials have brought laughter to millions. And what a sweet ass.Comment
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[waiter cuts his eggs]Comment
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Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off.Comment
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Charles Lindburgh: I'll take care of her.Comment
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[showing his crotch to Peter]Comment
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Meg Griffin: The frisbee's already been invented.Comment
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Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother.Comment
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Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?Comment
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[pause]Comment
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Lois Griffin: Oh no, this is Stewie's first violent act.Comment
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Englishman: Oh Reginald... I disagree.Comment
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Stewie Griffin: Yea and God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son Issac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said, "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."Comment
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