Are you a good Democrat?

25 Rules for being a good Democrat....by Al Oppenlander

1. You have to believe that someone who becomes addicted to drugs they were taking for pain is no different than someone who became addicted by taking drugs for the pleasure of feeling "high".

2. You have to believe that only Republicans are born into privilege and that good Democrats like Teddy Kennedy and John Kerry worked hard to achieve their financial status. Also that celebrities such as Barbara Streisand, Ted Danson, Brad
Pitt, Whoopie Goldberg etc., etc. really give a shit about the poor people of the world.

3. You have to believe that the U.S. should continue to fight the world's battles but only when the UN decides that it should and that attacks against the US are OK because we are "rich" and the rest of the world is "poor" and therefore, it is
understandable that others are "resentful".

4. You have to believe that the government should cater to minority opinions and standards, ignoring the majority of people who's beliefs are different.

5. You have to believe that the government should protect the environment at all costs and still manage to provide power/energy for heat, light and work as if by
magic (and god forbid that anyone should make money while working this miracle!).

6. You have to believe that just because the majority of Americans are of the Christian faith doesn't mean that they can practice their religion even if there is a Muslim, Buddhist or someone of another religious faith around at the time and yet
they should be "respectful" of those people's religious customs and practices.

7. You have to believe that unfounded rumors of non attendance of volunteer military guard duty is a mortal sin while cavorting and demonstrating with Hanoi Jane and causing American prisoners additional mistreatment by the enemy is "OK" because
they were only expressing their moral convictions (and I use the term "moral" lightly).

8. You have to believe that all Republicans want to ban abortions completely and that there are no Democrats who own or work for large multinational corporations.

9. You have to believe that the Bible is a pack of lies and you have to be paranoid enough to believe that all Republicans hate homosexuals, that they are immune to the Aids virus and that Hillary Clinton is not a greedy, power hungry, self serving bitch.

10. You have to believe that the ACLU is valid.

11. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to cut their budget for advanced weapons, pay raises and benefits for active personnel and force them to tolerate homosexual behavior in their ranks.

12. You have to believe that running for governor of California requires that a person never participate in "abnormal" sexual activities or drug use but that running for president of the United States should have no such restrictions (especially if you
limit your sexual activities to oral sex and you don't inhale when you smoke marijuana).

13. You have to believe that providing condoms to teenagers is fine but trying to teach them Christian morality and abstinence is grounds for calling in the ACLU.

14. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to "turn the other cheek" unless the country being terrorized is France.

15. You have to believe that government medicine is workable without paying the doctors and/or hospitals for their services.

16. You have to believe that temporarily providing health care to people who have been injured during an armed conflict has any relevance to NOT providing socialized health care to Americans.

17. You have to believe that all tobacco farmers are NOT Democrats and that just because a lot of Republicans are also Christians, none of them believe in evolution (I
haven't heard any of them advocating teaching Creationism).

18. You have to believe that a Democratic Administration's decision to go to war in Vietnam for dubious reasons was RIGHT but going to war in retaliation for the unprovoked killing of American citizens (and people of other nationalities) and/or
the threats of additional attacks is WRONG. (Not to
mention the moral obligation to stop a murderous dictator from killing more innocent people in his own country.)

19. You have to be willing to make all kinds of rationalizations for discounting the capture of said murderous dictator after spewing all kinds of rhetoric about the President's "failure" to capture him.

20. You have to believe that the Constitution is a "living" document when it comes to matters concerning liberal agendas yet argue that freedom of speech is an inviolable constitutional right even if that speech is immoral and outrageous to the majority of Americans.

21. You have to believe that the public revelation of the adulterous affairs of Democrats was due to a vast "right wing conspiracy" and should never have been disclosed while saying in the same breath that what a person does behind closed doors
is their own business. You also need to ignore the questions regarding "If there is nothing wrong with their activities, why do you care if they are revealed to the public?".

22. You have to believe that "insider trading" is OK to hide from public disclosure if the government can hide issues regarding national security.

23. You must believe that Constitutional rights should be subject to override by local governments if the local governments decide they don't like to play by those rules.

24. You have to believe that what former President Clinton was proven to have done in the 1960's holds no more importance than the rumors being spread by President Bush's political opponents.

25. You have to believe that continuing trade practices with China and Vietnam which were established by a Democratic Administration is wrong, while continuing trade restrictions established by a Democratic Administration is also wrong, all while
insisting that what the Democratic Administrations did were right!

Bonus points for believing that it is okay for a Democratic president to lie under oath but wrong for a Republican president to refuse to reveal details of private discussions not under judicial review.

Double bonus points if you can look directly into the faces of millions of American citizens (via a television camera) and lie to them with a straight face then later admit that you lied with no outward sign of feeling that you did anything wrong.

Triple bonus points if you actually believe that all rich Republicans, got that way at the expense of the working class but all rich Democrats, got that way through hard work.

Quadruple bonus points if you really believe that Unions exist solely for the benefit of the common workers and are not in reality, another "big business" contributing to the wealth of the union officers at the expense of those workers. While definitely
providing some benefits to workers, they provide even more benefits to those in charge (although there are a few, how many officers go unpaid during a strike situation?).