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I think the main problem is that parent's aren't willing to give up something themselves.
When you punish a kid it takes discipline from the parent to follow through with that punishment.
I don't have kids, but I have spent the last 11 years helping to raise my nieces. They in fact live with me and I have put one through high school and now into nursing school and another is going through junior high so I have had plenty of experience being both an insider and outsider.
An example I used when my sister was not living with me and couldn't control her oldest. I would ask her what she did to punish her and she would say she grounded her. But she would end up taking her along with the family when they went out whether it was to the mall or dinner etc.
The problem was my sister could not give up her simple pleasures to make my niece suffer the consequences of her actions.
And by that I would tell her if you are going to ground her then she needs to stay grounded.
That means sitting in her room all weekend reading a book or studying and no tv, radio going to the mall etc.
If that meant everyone else in the family had to stay home to ensure that she followed this then so be it.
I found by just following through on things kids will learn you mean business. Anytime you cut that punishment in half after threatening them with it shows you're not committed to seeing them follow through. It sets a very bad precedent.
Another thing is as someone posted above most parents are afraid to punish in public. This creates a situation where the kid has a lot of control.
One thing I did with my nieces was the "count" method. But I used my own variation.
Basically the rules were this. If you are doing something bad no matter where it is I'm going to count to 3. But guess what? I'm not necessarily going to swat your ass on 3 I may do it on 1, 2 or 3 it was up to them to gamble on when it may happen. And I did that.
Sometimes I would swat their butt on 3, others I wouldn't even count I would just walk up and *swat!*
Talk about surprising the shit out of them...but it worked. I've only swatted them each a couple of times over the years..I didn't have to do it very many times before they learned I meant what I was saying.
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