candyflip
A man meets a women at a bar, and after chatting her up all night, he's finally invited back to her place.
"I should tell you," he says, upon arriving at her apartment, "I'm extremely kinky in the sack."
"I am too!" the woman says. "Wait here a minute while I slip into something more comfortable."
When she reemerges, the woman is decked out in leather and chains. She has a whip in one hand and a collar in the other, but to her surprise the man is putting on his coat to leave.
"Where are you going?" she asks. I thought we were getting kinky."
"Lady," the man says, "I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I'm outta here!"
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coolone
A professor teaching medicine at the university was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."
Lesson learned!
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CDSmith
I was cooking naked the other night, and I went to close the oven door and I caught my dick in it. Didn't burn it, well maybe a little, but it hurt like a bitchy bitch I tell ya. I was like all hoppin' around the kitchen saying "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucketty-fuck fucken-fuck...."...... I wonder if any of my neighbours saw through the kitchen window.
"there's that fucking internet guy naked and jumping around his kitchen like a fucking retard. HEY MA! COME AND LOOK AT THIS IDIOT!"
At least no one phoned the cops on me.
These 3 made me laugh out loud
