How To Make Love Like A Pornstar:
Gee this is getting a ton of hype. A whats funny is...well the title says it all. Anyone in porn knows pornstars don't "make love" they fuck. But I guess how to fuck like a pornstar is a little too much truth in advertising. BUT.....If I did tell the truth it would read a lot more like this---
1. Arrive late for your date, or maybe not at all, but if you don't arrive at all I guess you can't fuck, thus negating the purpose of the book..
2. Complain...about everything, the time being too early, or too late, it was too hard to find, whatever.
3. Hand your musician boyfriend the keys to your car.
4. Complain to the make up artist, tell her how dto do your make up because only you know how to do it right, bitch that red lipstick is out.
5. Strip.
6. Complain that you're cold.
7. Demand more money.
8. Ask for the Director, then get told he isn't there because he is far too much of an artist to shoot sex scenes, his assistant does those, he only directs the dialogue.
9. Oral ? I thought that's what the fluffers do.
10. Reverse Cowgirl.
11. When the assistant director says cut, tell your co-star "Get the fuck off of me"
12. Complain, because your partner doesn't have wood, or is doing caverject, or smells bad, or has bad breath, or his penis is too small, or his penis is too large.
13. When it's time to resume tell your co-star to get it up himself, you aren't paid for that.
14. Mish.
15. Doggy.
16. Pop Shot--Hurry up, and don't get it in my hair or my eyes, then dodge it as though it were highly corrosive acid.
17. Pose for stills.
18. Cuss out P.A. for being late with baby wipes.
19. Ask producer when he's hiring you again.
20. Call musician boyfriend, who doesn't answer.
21. Complain.
22. Cry.
22. Get High with Behind the Scenes Cameraman.
23. Hitch ride home with Costar.
There ya have it...How To Make Love Like A Pornstar....Y'all know I ain't gonna sugar coat it.
Gee this is getting a ton of hype. A whats funny is...well the title says it all. Anyone in porn knows pornstars don't "make love" they fuck. But I guess how to fuck like a pornstar is a little too much truth in advertising. BUT.....If I did tell the truth it would read a lot more like this---
1. Arrive late for your date, or maybe not at all, but if you don't arrive at all I guess you can't fuck, thus negating the purpose of the book..
2. Complain...about everything, the time being too early, or too late, it was too hard to find, whatever.
3. Hand your musician boyfriend the keys to your car.
4. Complain to the make up artist, tell her how dto do your make up because only you know how to do it right, bitch that red lipstick is out.
5. Strip.
6. Complain that you're cold.
7. Demand more money.
8. Ask for the Director, then get told he isn't there because he is far too much of an artist to shoot sex scenes, his assistant does those, he only directs the dialogue.
9. Oral ? I thought that's what the fluffers do.
10. Reverse Cowgirl.
11. When the assistant director says cut, tell your co-star "Get the fuck off of me"
12. Complain, because your partner doesn't have wood, or is doing caverject, or smells bad, or has bad breath, or his penis is too small, or his penis is too large.
13. When it's time to resume tell your co-star to get it up himself, you aren't paid for that.
14. Mish.
15. Doggy.
16. Pop Shot--Hurry up, and don't get it in my hair or my eyes, then dodge it as though it were highly corrosive acid.
17. Pose for stills.
18. Cuss out P.A. for being late with baby wipes.
19. Ask producer when he's hiring you again.
20. Call musician boyfriend, who doesn't answer.
21. Complain.
22. Cry.
22. Get High with Behind the Scenes Cameraman.
23. Hitch ride home with Costar.
There ya have it...How To Make Love Like A Pornstar....Y'all know I ain't gonna sugar coat it.
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