WIN! Cash and Prizes! Over $500! SapphicCash helps you STUFF YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKING!

sig spot secured. thank you.

Sounds good

Every 32nd post! Just to keep us all confused. . . my math skills fail me...

Cyn

cool stuff ;)
Count me in :D

bump for great contesT!

I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.
Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?

How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !


How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first

getting closer to the 1st ticket :D

this is a funny contest.lol

Great contest! Here is one from me:
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you!

bump for the contest

funny contest
good luck everyone

lol...this contest will be funny

Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers! :P

here's first raindeer picture




(click on image for full size picture)

nice nice ;)
Will have 32nd post very soon ;)

lol....thet is great one HomerSimpson

thanx

I'm prepraing few more even better

What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer

SEASON'S GREETINGS!

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share, and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appears to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitute a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the compensation committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals, and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Action is pending regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorneys' association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing").

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

great contest

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised!

Letter from Santa

2 Cold Street
North Pole, Canada
H0H 0H0

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a little problem up here. The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with "VD" from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been
arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my butt in bird crap.

On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined Gay Liberation, and those dumbass Newfoundlanders have re-scheduled Christmas for the 5th of February.

Sincerely,

where did you dig that bro :D ?

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
She'd go to a "re-tail" shop for a new one!

Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones!

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes ....
These jokes will sleigh you!

Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
"Rude"-olph!

One joke for 32nd post:

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers!

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!

damn...well, i tried for 32!

this thread is cool (thanks :P)

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised!

That was a close reindeer joke.

Just one of many from my collection


Rudolf was a four-hooved ungulate Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
who incidentally possessed a nasal Had a very shiny nose.
appendage of a maroon lustre.
Consequently, if circumstances were And if you ever saw him
to present themselves that he ever
came into your view, you would most You would even say it glows.
undoubtedly remark at its
illuminary qualities.
The multitude of other members of All of the other reindeer
the population in his ecological
community had previously teased, Used to laugh and call him names.
chuckled boisterously, and dubbed
him unspeakable pseudonyms, the
objective of which was to lower his
self-confidence and make him unhappy.
They also excluded him from partici- They never let poor Rudolph
pation in leisure activities
consistent with their species. Join in any reindeer games.
However, on the twenty-fourth of
December in an unspecified year, Then one foggy Christmas eve
a mythological, supernatural being
inherent to western culture (who
symbolizes the Christmas attitudes
and allegedly brings gifts to
children) arrived through the Santa came to say,
supersaturated, humid air.
He formally invited Rudolph, due to "Rudolph with your nose so bright
his extraordinary nasal character-
istic, to stand at the forefront of
his snow vehicle with the express Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
purpose that he navigate through
the mist.
Therefore the multitude of other Then all the reindeer loved him
members of the population in his
ecological community who had pre-
viously teased, chuckled boisterously,
and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms
reversed their disposition toward And they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph to a more congenial,
amicable relationship.
They consequently exclaimed with
great exaltation and fervor,
"Rudolph, the antlered mammal with "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
a maroon nasal appendage, you shall
most certainly be recorded in the "You'll go down in history!"
annals of time and your memory will
be preserved for posterity."

How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

Well wtf do reindeer hang under their christmas trees?

There are some really messed up jokes here.

hahah that is one gruesome reindeer joke

actually it was the question for all of you ;)
and here's the answer:
"Horn"-aments!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
"Horn"-aments!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
Because he didn't want to be recognised!

Thanks

I'm rather "rude"olphish like that.






































Oh God, that was terrible.

And they just keep getting worse.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer also works as a maid?
Yup! Comet cleans sinks!