Simon is on his game with American idol

My favourite is
"Last year I described some one as being the worst singer in America.... well you are probably the worst singer in the world"

Simon cracks me up

it's on again tonight.

yeah he's funny, here's some i just grabbed off a website:

If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you.

If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.

Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf

"...you were feeling your thong?"

"you sang like a ventriliquist dummy"

"you sang like you were in a dentists chair

"you sang like someone who sings on a cruiseship... halfway through I imagined the ship
sinking"

"we brought some people back to shine... you didn't. sorry."

"you had about as much passion as a kitten mewing"

"You have just invented a new form of torture"

"This is a pen not a magic wand."

"If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think
they would have stoned you."

"There's only so much punishment a human can take. I can't take anymore."

An awful guy auditioning was singing "American Pie," and finished up with "The day...the muuuuu-sic died..." And Simon said, "It just did."
"Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue your teacher."

"That was extraordinary! Unfortunately, it was extraordinary bad."

"I think you invented notes never ever heard before in music."

-Do you want to hear the chorus?
"No, I couldn't hear anymore."

-Well it's my first audition.
"I'm not surprised, and it should be your last."

"If you were to win and sing a song, you would kill the American record industry. That's how bad you are."

"You're one of the worst singers I've ever heard in my life."

"I'm going to reach out with a hook if you don't shut up."

"That wasn't dreadful and it wasn't horrible. It was absolutely ghastly."

"Phone up your vocal coach and demand a refund."

"Ryan an ooopma-looopa called and wants its complextion back"

"When you stopped singing, that was the best part."

"Your so terrible, your not even good enough for BULGARIAN Idol! "

Singer: *singing* No more pain...No more paaain...
Simon: My thoughts exactly.

"you wouldn't be able to make an album, there'd only be one song on it." (to the girl singing unchained melody)

"There's a line in that song that sums up your whole audition, and that's, 'When I'm bad, I'm so bad.' "

Simon: I've heard better people singing outside the subway.
Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but I worked really hard, and--
Simon: So do they!
Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but did they stand out in the cold and--
Simon: They're standing outside the subway. So yes.

Juanita: ...and why wasn't it good?
Simon: *looks seriously over at Juanita*... cause you sang it...

would Norah Jones make the top 10?
Simon: No. She's just so miserable, I mean if you want to have a great time you don't put on your Norah Jones cd...

what about Jennifer Lopez?
Simon: well if this was called Attitude Idol, she would definitely make the top 10

''Jenny, that was extraordinary. Unfortunately, extraordinarily bad.'' --to an off-key blonde in the first round

''It was an ambitious song for you to sing, because I don't think you're that kind of singer. I don't think you're that good.'' --to semifinalist Tenia Taylor, who tried to do her best Whitney Houston

''From one to 10, what would you give yourself? I'd give you a one. My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.'' --to an early auditioner who thought she'd done a great job

''I don't believe Cassandra has a singing talent. She's completely wasting her money. A complete waste of money. If you want to achieve what you want to achieve, you will not do it with your voice. Sorry.'' --to a first-round hopeful after Paula Abdul encouraged her to pursue singing

''I can honestly say you are the worst singer in America.'' --to the skinny white boy who didn't hit one note right

''Can I tell you what I thought, Rose? Your audition was horrendous with a capital 'H'.... What angers me is that people like yourself who have the most attitude have the least talent.'' --to the Alicia Keys wannabe who fumbled through ''Fallin'''

''I think you're a boring performer. The laugh was hideous. I think you've blown it.'' --to the weepy A.J. Gil, who went on to become a finalist

''When you entered this competition, did you really believe that you could become an American Idol? [Contestant nods affirmatively.] Well, then, you're deaf. Thank you. Goodbye.'' --to a Seattle hopeful who missed every note

''Are you taking singing lessons? Who's your teacher? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue her.'' --to the blonde in the supershort shorts who sang a window-shattering version of ''Lady Marmalade''

''If you win this competition, we will have failed.'' --to Jim Verraros, before he advanced to the semifinal round

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I prefer you when I close my eyes"

the guy that host Australian Idol "Dicko" that called the Winner the hobbit "with a voice like an angel and head like a hobbit cracked me up so much i bought the DVD of the worst auditions.

Simon is pretty funny.. although he IS responsible for that shitty SClub7 group..

I have seen a few of Simon's comments during worldidol.
Sad enough they don't broadcast the american version of pop idol on dutch TV