Yo' mama so old, her birth certificate expired!
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What's grosser than gross?
You eat a bowl of cornflakes and then find out that your brother's scab collection is missing.Comment
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how interesting, sure im not gonna win.
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What is the best thing God ever created?
The vagina.
What was the worst thing God ever did?
Let women manage it!Comment
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man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to have a conniption, and the mother said quietly, "Now Missy, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long."
In the candy aisle, the little girl began to shout for treats. When mom said she couldn't have any, she began to kick her mother and scream. The mother said softly, "There, there, Missy, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little brat immediately began to reach for the gum and freaked out when her mom said she couldn't have any. The mother patiently said, "Missy, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he said.
The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no, my little girl's name is Francine - I'm Missy."Comment
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne drops keep falling on my head...Comment
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A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."Comment
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What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.Comment
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travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
"Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."
The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand.
"Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed.
"What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman.
"Halftime. Switch sides."Comment
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recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him....
Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go?
Man: Well, we got married.
Clerk: That's good!
Man: No, that's bad. I wasn't wearing any clothes.
Clerk: Oh that is bad!
Man: No, that's good -- she didn't care and she's rich.
Clerk: Oh, that is good.
Man: No, that's bad. She won't give me any or spend any of it.
Clerk: Oh, that's bad.
Man: No, that's good: She bought a house.
Clerk: Oh, that's good
Man: No, that's bad -- it burned down.
Clerk: Oh that is bad.
Man: No that's good -- she was in it!Comment
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What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush?
A pimp with a speech impediment.Comment
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What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn.Comment
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What do you call a doll on fire?
A Barbie-Q!Comment
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Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.Comment
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