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The music tends to be agressive, the editing style tends to be soft and slow... using these two together isn't really going to give you a good result.
try taking the same clips and put softer less "dance" oriented music to them. Make them more sexy.
If you are attached to the music, you would want to make the cuts more agressive, and use more "colorful" techniques to make the clips pop like the music does. The timing just isn't there right now.
Also, YOU ARE SHOWING WAY TOO MUCH! As the previous poster said, about 2 more clips and the schmoes will get off without paying you for anything.
Remember you are selling, not showing.
Alex
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